Abounding Grace

She turned around and saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus. (John 20:14)

I am going to take a risk today by talking about some of the things I sense I am finding in this chapter. I know it might be very unpopular to say what sounds like negative observations about Mary, but at the same time it also gives me hope. Let me explain.

In this story John seems to be focusing on the issue of how much evidence it takes to get each person to believe the resurrection of Jesus. Each person is coming from their own perspective and bringing their own baggage to the very same facts in the story which in turn affects how much evidence it requires to induce them to begin trusting God.

In verse 8 John says that when he entered the tomb right after Peter seeing the same things Peter saw, he himself believed, though he couldn't yet say the same for Peter. He is also careful to note that his own belief was not yet founded on Scripture evidence which I find rather interesting. He is sharing his own experience of belief with us, relating that although he had not yet put all the pieces together, he had enough evidence to move him from unbelief into trust.

I wonder if maybe the previous words of Jesus suddenly came back into his memory, words not that long ago spoken to all of the disciples about dying and raising Himself up again, that had gone right over their heads at the time. Maybe for John it suddenly clicked that the repeated expressions of Jesus needed to be taken seriously after all and that everything he was now seeing and experiencing were demonstration of what Jesus had been saying all along. For John, the evidence had become clear enough for him to choose to believe Jesus and trust that although everything still didn't make total sense that Jesus' words could be trusted and that He had indeed accomplished what He said He would. That sounds very much like the experience of Abraham come to think of it.

By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was offering up his only begotten son; it was he to whom it was said, "in Isaac your descendants shall be called." He considered that God is able to raise people even from the dead, from which he also received him back as a type. (Hebrews 11:17-19)

For what does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." Now to the one who works, his wage is not credited as a favor, but as what is due. But to the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness. (Romans 4:3-5)

For Mary however, it seems that her grief was so intense that she had gotten trapped by her emotions. She remained stuck in her initial interpretation of the evidence so that everything saw after that was forced to fit her original assumption, no matter how contradictory it might be. When she first arrived at the tomb where there should have been a number of callous soldiers and a large heavy stone blocking access to the tomb, she found everything very different with no soldiers and the large stone lying away from the mouth of the tomb.

Her immediate conclusion about this unexpected situation was that someone had taken the body of Jesus out of the tomb and moved it somewhere else. Maybe in her emotion she thought they had done this just to spite her personally, I don't know. Emotions can distort a person's logic quite easily. We can become so self-focused in our desire to escape our pain that we can interpret everything to assume the whole world is bent on making our life as miserable as possible even if none of our conclusions fit the evidence. This is not unusual for a very immature person to do, but trauma can also have a way of causing us to revert into temporary immaturity in the ways we perceive reality.

Based on her emotions and the startling evidence she first came across, she must have concluded that indeed someone – likely her enemies and of Jesus – were bent on perpetuating the tragedy that had just taken place and had intentionally removed His body for spiteful reasons including a desire to make her grief even more unbearable. With this or some similar potential scenario entrenched in her thinking, everything she encountered after that was forced into this scenario created by her own imagination.

So she ran and came to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and said to them, "They have taken away the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid Him."

(vs 2)

And they (two angels) said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him." (vs 13)

Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" Supposing Him to be the gardener, she said to Him, "Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have laid Him, and I will take Him away." (vs 15)

It is becoming quite popular to point out the fact that Jesus appointed a woman to be the very first evangelist to tell others of His resurrection. I will not argue that fact. However, sometimes I wonder if the agenda behind such statements, evidently meant to counterbalance prejudice against women being involved in spreading the gospel with equal authority as men, has not been to overbalance a problem by creating a new one. It is easy to point out the obvious lack of belief on the part of most of the men in this story while highlighting the fact that the women seemed ready to believe. But what I am finding here does not necessarily support that supposition.

I have come to realize over recent years that sin at its core has to do with distrust, unbelief in the real truth about God and in God Himself rather than so much about 'doing bad things' or breaking rules. Dysfunctional behavior that we generally call sin is symptomatic of everyone who does not trust in God and in His ways. And like all symptoms, the only real way to effectively address them is not through focusing primarily on treating the symptoms but in treating the core causes of the symptoms. Treating causes rather than effect is far more effective though maybe not so popular with those who just want the pain and discomfort to stop immediately.

Given that our problem with sin has more to do with unbelief than with doing bad things, I am starting to see in this story that in essence Mary is 'living in sin' in her relationship to Jesus. I do not say this to denigrate her or shame her for being emotional. But the fact is that when she first sees the empty tomb, she jumps to a conclusion that someone must have it in for her and has taken away the body of Jesus and all she can think about is finding it again. She only wants to locate His body so she can grieve over it in person which she hopes will lessen her deep anguish. Because of this, everything that happens from that point on is forced through this conclusion that she is unwilling to reconsider no matter how much the mounting evidence challenges her assumption.

Think about this: she sees angels where the men only see grave cloths. Yet even with this supernatural clue and her dialog with angels, she still is not jolted out of her original assumption. (The experience of Balaam comes to mind.) Then she meets Jesus Himself who is seeking to help her reconsider her perception of reality; yet even with Jesus standing right in front of her all she can perceive is someone who might be the guilty 'they' that has to fit into her thinking.

This has the hallmarks of intensely embedded unbelief. I do not say this to be harsh, but with overwhelming evidence in front of her like this, most people would have by this time begun to question their original assumptions and consider that maybe they should consider a more consistent explanation. But again, intense emotional trauma can so narrow the focus of one's thinking that it is impossible for them to reconsider their original assumptions. Then anyone questioning them is challenged instead of honestly listened to with an open mind.

But here is where I see the good news appearing once again. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. (Romans 5:20 NKJV)

Let's just face the truth here; by her unbelief Mary was stuck in sin, for sin is unbelief. This is not to condemn her but to just be honest about what so many of us experience at times. We struggle to believe in God, not so much because we are rebellious but because we simply are unwilling to challenge our own perceptions of reality that are strongly controlled by our own emotions. Mary was unable to believe in spite of overwhelming evidence that for others might have easily caused them to believe in what was becoming so obvious. But in spite of this great obstacle of unbelief caused by the pain in Mary's heart, Jesus never became impatient with her or even rebuked her like He later did with Thomas. He simply kept bringing more and more evidence to her until she finally broke through the veil and into the glorious light of the truth about what God had in His heart for her.

It is no surprise then that the intensity of her joy was at least in proportion to the level of her previous grief. That is what can happen with high emotion-capacity people. What encourages me is when I think of another well known evangelist who had an experience not unlike that of Mary, though with a very different background. Saul of Tarsus was also a deeply passionate person with very intense emotions directed at vindicating the reputation of God as he understood Him to be. Saul was not persecuting Christian's out of rebellion against God but out of an intense desire to protect His reputation and purify His chosen people of dangerous errors.

In Saul's case, the evidence was also mounting over time creating increasing emotional pressure to reconsider his own assumptions. But he too kept resisting until, not unlike in Mary's situation, Jesus Himself had to get right in his face in such an obvious way that he couldn't miss it anymore. But in both cases, after they encountered the real Jesus – the true revelation of what God is really like and how much love and grace He has for each one of us – the switch from unbelief to passionate devotion marked their life from that point on.

God works with each one of us differently, for we each are coming from unique situations that have shaped us in very different ways. God does not become impatient with us when we cling to our unbelief long after others may have embraced the light and love waiting for us. But at the same time, we are individually free to keep living in unbelief even while we are encouraged to begin experiencing the joy of living in belief as soon as we are willing. The choice is our own, but the consequences of those choices can be eternal.

Mary might have believed much sooner if she had been willing to think past her emotions. She already had a long history of growing faith in her relationship with Jesus and in some respects already had far more evidence in her own life that many people do. Her own brother had been raised from the dead just days before all of this took place and he was likely even then at home with her sister possibly praying for her. I ponder what may have taken place that weekend in the home of Mary and Martha and Lazarus as Mary was consumed by her depression over the death of Jesus. Her own brother, living testimony of the power of Jesus to raise the dead, may himself have even found it impossible to break through the dark cloud surrounding Mary's heart. In addition the faith of her sister who had discussed this very issue with Jesus only days before and had chosen to trust Him just before the resurrection of her own brother – even that could not counteract the intense sadness of Mary. And amazingly, not even angels seeking to awaken her faith or even some curiosity in her could pull her away from her unbelief and her preconceived opinions about what was going on.

Yes, Mary did become the first evangelist to tell the story of the resurrection to others. But not until her high level of resistance was first overcome by an overwhelming amount of evidence. John had chosen to believe with far less evidence as did many others. Yet with each of them God dealt with them according to their own uniqueness as He drew them together into a body of caring believers.

Indeed, where sin (unbelief) abounds, grace much more abounds. And that pretty much describes the essence of Jesus – abounding grace personified.