Male Disadvantage?

Stooping and looking in, [John] saw the linen wrappings lying there; but he did not go in. And so Simon Peter also came, following him, and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings, but rolled up in a place by itself.

But Mary was standing outside the tomb weeping; and so, as she wept, she stooped and looked into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been lying. (John 20:5-7, 11-12)

Is it obvious yet? Two men rush to the tomb looking for evidence to figure out how to solve a compelling mystery of a missing body, but all the evidence they can uncover are some discarded grave-clothes and an empty tomb. The woman who loved Him the most looks into the exact same place a few minutes later and sees angels. What's up with this?

Do I conclude that being a male gives me a hopeless disadvantage in life? That I will never be able to see things like a woman can see? Well, I can't answer that since I cannot try out the other side for myself, but my first reaction is to feel rather defensive – and logical, which is exactly the symptoms of these two disciples. They were looking for physical evidence to determine what to think, figure out the problem and if possible offer a solution. Mary didn't seem intent on looking for physical evidence so much as she was absorbed with doing something – anything – about the enormous pain wringing her soul; she was longing for much more than just cold, hard facts.

I have heard it said that you generally find what you are looking for. Is that what is going on here? Is this much more about the priorities of the heart rather than about which gender happens to be your lot? I would like to think so, though again I really can't prove that theory.

For many years I have puzzled over my own identity when it comes to these sorts of things. The descriptions people use as stereotypes for being male or female don't always seem to work well, for when I compare myself to them it appears in some respects that I can relate better in some areas with what is assumed the way a woman would think, while in other respects the opposite is true. I'm sure we can all think of exceptions in people we know, so much so that the stereotypes sometimes come under serious question. So is what I am reading here simply a reflection of a stereotype of the difference between how men and women think, or does it have more to do with how those stereotypes push people into certain roles because of social pressure?

Stereotypes can do that you know. Depending on where we happen to be born and what culture we grow up in largely shapes our definitions of what it really means to be a human of one gender or the other. But I wonder if many if not most of those have more to do with tradition and culture than they have to do with actual wiring or design. I am not suggesting there are no fundamental natural differences between men and women – I believe there are, and by God's design from creation. Genesis indicates God never intended for either gender to fully reflect His image but for the two to work in cooperation with each other, complimenting each other to reflect the nature and beauty of their Creator.

Yet even in each gender there are vastly different variations of personality and abilities. Certainly some of this is due to the effects of thousands of years of sin influencing our thinking and expectations. But even that could also be natural variations intended by God as expressions of His own complexity and mysterious nature. I don't think God ever expected us to be clones of our gender, always acting and thinking in very predictable ways. And while I do believe He created each gender with certain fundamental biases that are different from the other, that does not mean that exceptions to that are necessarily wrong, just differences to be respected and appreciated.

For many years I found Mary's stories and personality to be very intriguing to me. What attracts me the most is her willingness to be vulnerable and transparent, almost to the point of not being able to help herself. Some might consider that a weakness, something needing to be overcome. But my heart tells me that she was a vivid example displaying evidence of remnants of the way humanity was originally designed to live, designed to bond and connect at the heart level with each other without all the suspicion and resistance that seems so normal today.

What I perceive is a woman who had lived from her heart probably all of her life. But doing so in a male-dominated world where others viewed this is a weakness to exploit had brought on enormous amounts of pain, suffering, shame, humiliation and exploitation by those who should have been there to protect and celebrate her special reflection of God. I sense in Mary unusual insights into the kind of God that Jesus came to reveal, a God who makes Himself vulnerable to exploitation for the very purpose of thus exposing the evil of such behavior and thinking. In essence, I think Mary may have been one of the few humans who lived in Jesus' time that resonated strongly with His heart because she understood His language better than possibly anyone else.

Given that, it would be no wonder that she felt so distraught when Jesus was crucified, especially the way it was carried out. What she saw happening during His trial and crucifixion was a reminder of exploitation she had experienced herself all too often in life. She saw men exploiting what they viewed as weakness in Jesus, while inside her own heart she intuitively knew that what others saw as weakness was really the essence of what it requires to live truly alive. Very few people seem to grasp this reality, and the way the disciples acted indicates to me that it took far longer for them to warm up to this truth than it did for many of the women in His life.

Another woman comes to mind who might have had very similar characteristics and personality to Mary as that I think of it. The very first person with whom Jesus shared plainly the truth about His identity as the Messiah was a woman from Samaria with a similar colorful history as Mary had. This woman too, caught on so quickly to the reality of what Jesus longed to share with everyone that within minutes she became a far more effective evangelist than the disciples ever became for some time afterwards. Like Mary, this woman had been trying to live from her heart but had suffered enormously for it through the exploitation of men for much of her life. That is not to suggest that either of these women had no part in causing their sufferings. It is true that they may have been responsible for many of the choices that they made, but in large part they were far more victimized by the entrenched power and authority structures in place around them than personally accountable for most of the exploitation they had endured. I believe that is why Jesus had far greater success in much less time with each of these women than He ever had with the male class of His day.

Yet even given this, Jesus never treated either gender with less respect or love. Jesus came to save all of humanity, but related to different kinds of people with different approaches. Jesus was a master of how to relate to each one. What made Him that way? It was not because of His inherent divinity as many might suppose, for that would have given Him an unfair advantage over everyone else and it would then be impossible for us to follow His example if that were the case. Rather Jesus relied completely on His daily, intimate connection with His Father and never failed to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit that always guided and inspired Him through every moment and in every encounter. That is certainly within reach of any one of us if we would only be willing to live in total dependence on God just as Jesus did. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father. (John 14:12)

As I ponder this incredible woman who seemed to so resonate with the heart of Jesus possibly more than any other person on earth, I long to move closer to living from my own heart like what I see in her example. Of course that would also mean opening myself up to potential exploitation by others who hold twisted views of reality just as she experienced. But then, isn't that what Jesus said would happen to all of His followers? We cannot be true disciples of Jesus and yet open ourselves up to persecution, for that very way of life both invites exploitation as well as induces fierce resistance from those who feel exposed by our very example of transparent living.

I believe Mary was drawn to Jesus because she saw clearly in Him the first male who never had the slightest desire to exploit her vulnerabilities while at the same time seeming to understand and even value the uniqueness that made her so vulnerable. Everyone else viewed her as weak, even condemned her for the very things they desired to exploit in her. But Jesus saw these same things as her strengths and did everything possible to redeem her from the effects that sin had caused in her life.

Jesus always sees things radically different than how religious people view them, and He values many of the very things that others view as weaknesses. That is one thing that draws so many to Jesus, for they sense that in Him their heart is encouraged to begin functioning again as it was originally designed to function; with trust, love and taking risks, reaching out to connect with other hearts in bonds of trust and intimacy. This is what I see marking the life of Mary and is what I believe is going to mark the life of every true follower of Jesus sooner or later as they are drawn closer and closer to live from the heart instead of just their head.

Peter and John had not yet arrived at that point where they could live more from their heart than from their head. But that is not to say that they were not on their way that day they arrived at the tomb. Peter was still overwhelmed with shame from denying Jesus three times and feeling worthless. Because of that he may have been even contemplating joining Judas in suicide. John was not but may well have been trying to help Peter out of his depression. But even he too was struggling to make sense out of the unexpected events swirling around them that weekend. Being typical males, when confronted with the news that Jesus had gone missing from the tomb, their first reaction was to launch an investigation. But apparently what they were cuing in on were not so much matters of the heart as much as physical facts from which to compile potential scenarios to figure out what was going on.

Mary on the other hand found these facts more of a nuisance or an interference preventing her from simply finding the healing for her heart that was highest in her priorities. Because of this she found it hard even with these obvious evidences to change her perceptions of reality, so much so that even with an appearance of angels right in front of her she still couldn't break free of her hopelessness. You might say that it took far more evidence to convince Mary of the reality of Jesus' resurrection than it did for John; Jesus had to not only talk with her but actually say her name in an old familiar way they had shared many times before to shake her out of her intense grief and go into a joy that was even more intense than had been her sadness.

John writes that when he saw the grave-clothes in the tomb he believed, even before he understood the Scriptures that had foretold this very event. Peter was still so overwhelmed in his own shame that it took a bit longer to believe. But apparently Mary required even more compelling evidence, not unlike Thomas, before she could be rescued from her depression. But with each person Jesus did whatever was needed to draw them out to trust His heart for them individually.

As I write these words my own eyes fill with tears as this stunning truth sinks into my own heart, that Jesus knows just as well what it will take to draw me out of my confusion and doubt into full trust in His heart as well. As He demonstrated so effectively in the lives of each of these followers who were so precious to Him, He will also relentlessly keep working with me until He brings me too into the freedom and joy of living totally abandoned to His love for me. That is what my heart craves more than anything else. And I suspect that is what His heart craves as well.

I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6 NRSV)

"Here is my servant, whom I have chosen, my beloved, with whom my soul is well pleased. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles. He will not wrangle or cry aloud, nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets. He will not break a bruised reed or quench a smoldering wick until he brings justice to victory. And in his name the Gentiles will hope." (Matthew 12:18-21 NRSV)