More Than Physical

Jesus said to him, "Get up, pick up your pallet and walk." Immediately the man became well, and picked up his pallet and began to walk. (John 5:8-9)

I have been musing for several days now on the question of Jesus to this man as well as to myself. Jesus challenged him to search his own heart to know his true desires and attitudes about his sickness and disabilities. I too have been challenged just as he was to examine my own heart and get more honest before God about what I discover there in the light of the presence of Jesus.

But Jesus did not stop there with just challenging this man to know his own heart better. Neither was Jesus put off by the man's distracted answer that largely missed the main point of Jesus' question to him. Instead He abruptly instructed the man to act on new emotions that were stirring in his heart and to believe solely in the word of Jesus. Again there is enormous implications involved in this very short report of what happened that goes far beyond what can be explicitly seen in these few words.

I sense that God may well be doing something very similar in my own life right now that is just as strange feeling to me as the words of Jesus were to this man so long ago. These words of Jesus seemed so bizarre, so unrealistic, so ridiculous to the normal way that most of us view life and reality that one is forced beyond normal logic if they are to relate to the word of Jesus in any meaningful way. But to do so also places them outside the expectations and even acceptability of many who live around them. It shatters their own comfort zone, their own familiar surroundings and history and compels them to do and think and live in ways they have never known before, to enter into a new dimension of life, to exercise faith and belief far beyond anything they have ever dared to do before.

So, why had this thought never occurred to this man before? Is it reasonable to believe that if he had just thought of this command himself that he could have been healed years earlier? That may sound absurd at first, but I express that to flush out important factors in the healing process that seem to be consistent with what I observe in how Jesus relates to many people. There seems to be an important issue of timing involved in relation to God's healing power in our lives. There seems to be a need to mature our sense of helplessness before we are ready to grasp the power of God in true faith that can appropriate His words of life into our own experience.

This key issue can also be a source of great frustration for many people including myself. I can remember many times when I have complained bitterly to God that my circumstances felt desperate enough to warrant Him showing up to help me but He still seemed to be nowhere around. There was this sense or religious idea that when a person reaches the end of their rope then God is supposed to show up to rescue and restore them. But I already felt like I was at the end of my rope yet when I looked around I still couldn't see God anywhere. I distinctly remember crying out to God about this and wondering how much farther I must go into desperation and hopelessness before He would answer my frantic prayers for deliverance.

I don't think it is just coincidental that the story mentions that this man had been sick for a very long time. That part of his history is a key ingredient of what was going on in his mind and heart. It was a major influence in how this man likely had come to view God and Jesus wanted to challenge his assumptions about how God felt about him along with offering him the physical healing that he knew he obviously needed.

I have repeatedly sensed God doing the same thing in my own experience with Him. When I was upset about my physical circumstances and pleading with God to rescue me, I often sensed that He was trying to focus my attention more on my internal feelings about Him and seeking to flush out more into the open hidden attitudes and faulty assumptions about Him that were still hidden from my view. This has sometimes been very frustrating for me but also forced me to have patience as well as more honesty about my real motives for wanting healing or deliverance. My relationship with God has been shaped and reshaped many times as He seeks to remove lie after lie about Him that has distorted my feelings about Him for so long. But it seems to take intense situations to get me to flush out many of these lies and allow Him to remove them in exchange for new concepts and truths to replace them in my heart.

Jesus' primary work among men was not to just heal their physical maladies but His real desire was to change their hearts and minds about how God relates to us and feels about us. This is the real core problem that sin has produced in our lives – the fear and distance that we have from God because of our deep mistrust of Him. This mistrust that sin has bred right into our subconsciousness is the unbelief that Jesus came to this world to counteract with a fresh revelation of the real truth about how God feels about us. But this unbelief does not go away easily and so Jesus has to fight for every inch of ground in our hearts relentlessly to capture our affections and allegiance by demonstrating His faithfulness, goodness and the truth about God in every way possible.

I am seeing more and more in these stories the theme of belief in the words of Jesus about God. We usually think of this story as a healing of a crippled man of his physical problems and the subsequent conflict produced with the leaders about proper Sabbath observance. But that was just the surface issues that couched the much deeper battle over the truth about our relationship to God as sinners. Jesus performed His miracles of healing for far more significant reasons than just to heal someone's body temporarily; for it would not be long before that same body would weaken and die as the effects of sin once again took over as the person aged. It was the loyalty of our hearts that Jesus was really after and everything He did while on this earth was laser focused on that one objective.

That is what I sense I face time after time. Each day I am faced with a conflict revolving around where the loyalties of my heart really fall. My heart can be amazingly deceptive to me and God is constantly seeking to expose my real condition and to give me opportunities to choose loyalty to Him in all sorts of situations. As I continue to trust in Him even when it means being out of sync with many of those all around me, I find that my life takes on more meaning and I feel a deeper sense of real peace in my soul.

That peace can easily be lost when I lose sight of the real source of power and life for me. I have to be reminded over and over that the only real source of life, power and hope is to trust and act on the words of Jesus to me as He reveals them to me each day. I have to remember that the children of God must always be led by the Spirit of God and not trust to their own understanding even as it becomes more and more sanctified. Elijah had to learn this lesson the hard way on Mt. Carmel and I have to learn it over and over myself.

When Jesus says, “Get up, pick up what you have been lying on for so long and walk like a man,” then I am faced yet again with a choice of who I am going to believe – my feelings, my past sense of identity and social assumptions about myself or am I going to believe the radical words of Jesus that always forces me far outside what feels normal? And even more importantly, am I ready to keep on trusting the word of Jesus to my heart each day and continue to live in even clearer revelations of truth, healing and a new identity as He challenges me to move even further into a life I am not familiar with?

What is My Desire?

When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, "Do you wish to get well?" (John 5:6)

Do you want to be made well? (NKJV)

Is it your desire to get well? (BBE)

I feel a need to focus in very sharply on the center point of Jesus' question to this man – and to me as well. The other words in the question involve things that could be assumed as obvious: Of course you would want to be well and of course anyone who is sick or crippled would most likely want to be free of their condition, to be well.

But what is not so completely certain is the internal clarity in the emotional and heart arena of the soul about what is really going on as far as motives and desires. I sense that Jesus is not asking a superfluous question here but really intends to expose the true nature of the mixed feelings and conflicting internal beliefs of the heart that had likely tormented this man possibly much of his life.

The more I meditate on this the more clearly I can see likely what it was that Jesus really wanted to bring into the open about this man's feelings about God and how God had treated him. Most of us have the tendency to blame God when things go wrong and have even more doubts about Him when things continue to feel bad for an extended period of time. This man certainly had plenty of excuses to blame God for his extended ailments and handicaps even if it may not have sounded logical or religiously correct. This was likely reinforced by the popular opinions of the religious people of his day who believed that God used such ailments as a punishments for some hidden sin in the life.

This view of God as one who is looking for excuses to punish people or inflict pain on them for various reasons is so prevalent even today that I see it as one of the most effective methods of Satan to deter people from even wanting to know more about God. There are many people who want nothing to do with God, whether professing to be Christians or openly hostile to Christianity, because of the popular assumptions about how God treats people, especially sinners.

I believe that very likely Jesus wanted to target the very center of those lies in this man's heart as part of the healing process that He wanted this man to experience. For the main purpose of Jesus coming to this earth to begin with was not primarily to heal a few hundred people and then return to heaven. He came to reveal the real truth about God that has been nearly obliterated from the earth by the pervasive lies about Him promoted by Satan and all of us who have been complicit in spreading those lies. The main purpose of Jesus' healing ministry was to demonstrate more tangibly the truths about how God feels about people, not only to relieve them of their current physical ailments even though that was partially involved. It is the hearts of His children that God is far more concerned to capture than simply a temporary restoration of the health of their bodies.

But in the eternal realm of things, in the supernatural world where the real battle is taking place, there are rules of engagement that we often misunderstand or are ignorant of altogether. And one of those principles is the issue of permission. Satan is not allowed to do things with humans without getting permission first and the same is true in many respects with what God does on earth as well. This may sound very strange at first but when we really begin to grasp the truth about what love really is and how intimately intertwined with our freedom of choice it must be, then we will begin to really appreciate much more deeply the respect and true love that God always exercises in relation to us.

So instead of just walking up and healing this man without any interaction or involvement on his part, Jesus approaches him, knowing what has been going on in his heart for 38 years as well as his physical problems, then first of all addresses the more important issue of synchronizing this man's will with what Jesus wants to do for him. Jesus refuses to impose Himself or His will on anyone; He never uses force or coercion even when it comes to good things in life. Everything that God has for us is offered as gifts, never arbitrary impositions. That really says a lot to me about how God feels about me and I want to appreciate and know that much more thoroughly.

I looked up the Greek word Jesus used that is translated in these various versions as wish, want and desire. It is the core of what Jesus was asking in order to alert this man that He needed his permission before He could move to the next step of offering this man what he really needed. I found the definition of this word enlightening for me, enhancing this passage in the variations of meaning being conveyed.

The Greek word here is thelo. And here is part of the definition as Strong's states it:

to determine (as an active option from subjective impulse), i.e. choose or prefer (literally or figuratively); by implication, to wish, i.e. be inclined to (sometimes adverbially, gladly); to be about to; by Hebraism, to delight in: be disposed, intend, will.

Furthermore, here is the meaning of the root word from which this first word is derived:

aireomai; to take for oneself, i.e. to prefer: – choose.

As I ponder through this list of meanings in relation to what Jesus is asking me about my motives of being healed just as He did for this man by the pool, I am convicted that I need to examine my own heart just as this man needed to do and clarify what is really going on internally that I have been ignoring or overlooking. And I can see how easy it is to have the initial reaction like this man did of launching into an explanation about all the reasons why I haven't experienced healing while failing to pay attention to the reality of who is offering me the healing in the first place or what He really is saying.

The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me." (John 5:7)

It is so easy to criticize this man for talking about all these past experiences or failures when we can see so easily that the One who is standing before Him has something so much better to offer than what he was thinking about. We do that because of our perspective and appreciation from knowing the rest of the story in advance. But it is much more important to place ourselves in this man's situation who had little or no knowledge whatsoever of who Jesus was and sense the context of all the internal and external frustrations and baggage that must have weighed down his heart. When we do that it will start to become more evident how often we say things very similar to the silly things this man blurted out in response to Jesus' question.

I have no man to put me into the pool...

How often have I longed to have someone who would come alongside me and understand my real needs even better than I do and supply me with the encouragement, wisdom, love and nurturing that I so need and long for? I too have no man to take me to where I assume I would be able to experience real healing. So I jump at every promising opportunity that I hear about and go from this ministry to that trying to discover that man (or woman) who might have the skills or the right formula or a strong enough connection with God who might finally help me experience the huge breakthrough that I long for in my own spiritual journey. But so far it has never happened that way. Yet my heart keeps somehow hoping that the next one I meet might finally be the one to carry me to the 'healing pool' and plunge me into the supernatural realm where I will experience the joy and healing and wholeness that I know I need and I desire so intensely.

...while I am coming, another steps down before me.

So maybe I can't find that perfect fit of a person who can really help me feel blessed and whole again. So I try to search and move toward sources of healing myself. But even then I meet with repeated frustrations as I struggle in my brokenness and handicaps to move toward every promising place that seems to offer hope. I hear wonderful stories of other people's healing from this place or that but I am stymied by limited finances or distance or lack of social connections or whatever other obstacles that prevent me from getting close enough myself to receive what seems to only happen for others.

Wow! I had little idea there was so much in this story that relates so directly to me. I feel the Spirit speaking to me in each paragraph here even as it comes from my fingers. I sense that Jesus is wanting me to think even further outside the box of my assumptions and traditions to realize that I am still limiting Him and preventing Him from doing things for me that I really need but that may come in drastically different ways than I have expected.

I want these limitations on God to be exposed by the words of Jesus to my heart. I want to let go of the lies about God that still prevent me from allowing Him all the permission He needs to do much more in my life. I want to finally 'get it' like this man did and begin to walk and leap and celebrate in the glorious goodness and grace of my Healer, my Friend, my Savior, my Lover.

God, open my eyes and ears and heart to hear what You are really saying to me and fill me with a complete willingness to do whatever it is You are asking me to do to cooperate with Your plans for me.

Moving Into Faith

Jesus said to him, "Do you wish to get well?" The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me." (John 5:6-7)

I feel this question still resonating strongly in my own heart. I hear Jesus speaking to me personally just as He did to this man so long ago, “Do you wish to get well?”

As I consider the direction of this man's answer I recognize the same sort of distracted thinking and assumptions that are so familiar. I too have spent years researching, exploring, listening to various people present promising methods of healing that report wonderful results for those who have gotten there before me. These stories have raised hope in my heart and have caused me to seek out counseling and ministry from a number of organized ministries or individuals with varying results.

I do not regret most of these events in my life. Each one has contributed to my growth and has helped me to move a little deeper into unmasking lies buried in my heart and exposing them to the light of truth. But repeatedly I have become frustrated as I fail to see the kind of dramatic breakthroughs that are touted by most of these people in their examples of what can happen in people's lives that participate in their programs. And I suspect I am not the only one who feels this way.

I have spent many hundreds of dollars on procuring videos, audios and books from various ministries that specialize in the inner healing concepts. Again, I do not regret doing this for each one has had a positive effect on my life, my marriage and my relationships with others. But I continue to wonder if maybe I am such a hard case, that maybe I have been more sick spiritually and emotionally than most that it requires far more power or insight or skill than anyone that I have met with up to this point in order to accomplish what I feel needs to happen in my life.

As I look back over my history of very slow recovery I can see the thread of the guidance of the Spirit of God. But even in that area of my life, as dramatic and wonderful has been the presence of God increasingly close to me I want to know more clearly how God views my situation. Am I really still focusing too much on theories, superstitions, hearsay, natural phenomenon or any number of other potential means of relief while the all-powerful, all-caring Savior of the universe may have been standing very close to me all along offering me something so simple that it confuses me?

I can already hear someone steeped in traditional religion eager to pounce on that last statement and insist that I just need to repent and be converted and everything would be suddenly fine. But I was raised and trained thoroughly in those concepts of religious jargon and have been very disappointed with most of those assertions. In the process I have learned a great deal by flushing out the true meaning of many of the words used which in turn has caused me to realize the shallowness of much of what is so intensely promoted as religious conversion. Most of these teachings depend heavily on fear, intimidation, force or strong will-power but fail to produce the kind of heart transformation that is needed for genuine living. I have been there, done that and realize that I need a much more robust God than the one that I was exposed to by most spiritual leaders around me. I need a very personal Savior who knows how to deal with the wounds in my heart without putting me deeper into despair and hopelessness.

I praise my God that over the past fifteen years He has been introducing me to just such a Savior. He has been personally tutoring me, mentoring me, teaching me from His Word and increasingly I have felt the presence and guidance of His Spirit in my daily life.

I happened to watch a program yesterday on my TV that really helped to enlighten some of this for me. It was a teaching by one of the most helpful preachers that influenced me and gave me hope from an early age. He was talking about our need for abiding in Christ and explained that there can be two different kinds of abiding. One of them involves the effort that we can do, the kind of abiding where we intentionally focus on knowing Jesus, on pursuing Him, on seeking His face. The other kind of abiding comes out of this relationship which is Jesus' presence abiding in us. This second abiding is what produces all of the external and internal results in our lives of true righteousness that we so often try to accomplish directly ourselves.

It is so easy to try to focus on being good, on doing the right things, on avoiding bad behaviors, activities, thought patterns etc. instead of realizing that we are attempting an impossibility. This has been a favorite diversion tactic by Satan for millennia and has been very effective in discouraging millions of believers who have tried to impress God with their goodness so He will love them and save them. But this approach is doomed to failure and produces depression and discouragement in all who pursue this supposed path to victory.

I have seen this truth many years ago and have turned my attention more and more to focus on seeking to know God from the heart and not just with my mind. The results have been very encouraging and I believe God is drawing me to Himself each day through this process. But part of me still longs for those big breakthroughs, those dramatic encounters with a living Christ that make for inspiring reading in stories of great Christians of the past. But the days move by and I find myself generally growing only incrementally which sometimes gives cause to wonder if maybe I am still missing some key bit of information or failing to take advantage of some method I haven't tried yet.

Somehow I feel sympathy with this poor cripple sitting in front of Jesus babbling on about some superstitions that everyone around him believes and that seems to work so well for others. But he had never been able to measure up sufficiently, had never been able to fulfill the requirements demanded that would produce the wonderful results others seemed to enjoy. So he had resigned himself to a life of crippledness, a life of severe restrictions on his movements and freedom, laying among many who like him had little hope of ever being much more than they presently were.

Are my prayers to Jesus so much like this man's response – focused on what I believe to be the answers that I need while nearly oblivious to a potential life being offered to me in a way I never expected? Somehow I suspect that may be the case. And yet in Jesus' words to this man I also notice that there is no hint of disapproval, condemnation, rejection, disdain or disgust that the man just wasn't paying attention to what Jesus was trying to tell him. The compassion of Jesus is consistent and strong and He is not put off by the confusion and misconceptions of the man whom He is offering to bless.

That really gives me a sense of hope, hope that I can feel growing tiny roots deep into my own soul. It is God's faithfulness that is most important here, not my weak, confused ideas about how I am supposed to receive healing. What I am seeing more clearly here is the real truth about the heart of God and His consistent compassion for me as a broken, messed up sinner in desperate need of even more grace than the open sinners in the ghettos. I am almost convinced that there are different levels of grace offered by God and some of the most concentrated forms of grace, the greater grace mentioned in James 4:6 is reserved for those who have been caught in the trap of self-dependent religion or a life where we believed we had to be good with help from God.

I notice in this story that Jesus did not offer to help this man to get better. He challenged him to turn away from what he was focusing on and simply act in accordance with the words of his healer. “Get up and walk.” Just that simple and yet so profound because the words have to come from the mouth of the One who has the power to enforce His own words.

And this leads me back to the very reason why I am immersing myself in this book of John. For this book is really about what belief looks like from all different angles. In this story I see that my part in the healing process is to hear what Jesus is really saying to me personally and then to believe His words so assuredly that I will take action based on what He says instead of living according to what I am most familiar with from my past or my surroundings.

What I also see in this encounter is that the man's faith itself was a reflection of the faith that Jesus was placing in him. Jesus in His words to this man was offering him the very gift of faith, of the kind of believing that was needed in order for the man to take hold of the healing being offered. And because somehow the man saw the love and compassion and faith that Jesus had in him he was able to grasp those things internally and choose to act upon them thereby experiencing a new kind of life he had never known before.

Timing

A man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, "Do you wish to get well?" (John 5:5-6)

This raises a very compelling question in my mind. The way that John wrote this belies something much deeper than what appears on the surface. I have to state the obvious to get it out in the open better so that what is deeper might emerge.

Jesus certainly could have seen and known the very same thing about absolutely any person that was among that crowd around the pool that day. It could just as easily been written that Jesus saw some other person and would just as surely have known their circumstances and could have spoken to them just as He did to this single individual.

So the question must be asked, Why did Jesus only talk to this one man only? Why did He heal only one person out of such a mass of desperate humanity all surely longing for healing just as much as this man longed to be healed?

Was Jesus arbitrary in picking only one man out of many who were in obvious need of help? That certainly fits the view of God that many people hold today and back then as well. But I no longer buy into that skewed thinking about God anymore, at least with my mind. My heart may still cling to those old lies, but what God has been teaching me over the past few years strongly disputes that opinion.

Was Jesus only there that day to find someone to use as a prop in order to challenge popular distorted beliefs about the real purpose and meaning of the Sabbath day? That certainly happened in the rest of this story, but again that harks back to the arbitrary idea. Of course Jesus could have healed every person around that pool that day and caused an enormous problem for the Pharisees and leaders who were so upset about people violating their Sabbath regulations. But He didn't do that and I believe there are a number of reasons that He didn't.

Was this healing solely for the purpose of making His point about the real issues revolving around the Sabbath instead of for the benefit of this man? I have a hard time buying that logic either. Right now it seems to me that Jesus wanted to do more than one thing at a time here and He did that very effectively. I also suspect that there may be a number of things that He accomplished that we are still overlooking because we haven't taken enough time to dwell on this story sufficiently to discover them.

It seems clear that one of the reasons that He healed this man had to do with an intentional purpose to create a confrontation about the issue of Sabbath observance. But I don't believe that this was the only reason that Jesus healed this man. It was just the reason for the timing as far as the day that He chose to heal this man.

So I am back to one of the first questions I had; why did John mention so specifically that Jesus saw and knew the condition of this man in distinction from doing the same for anyone else around there? And even in the previous verse he makes a note that this man was there and that he had been sick for a long time, a specific number of years. This whole setup seems to have the ring of intentionality to it, that Jesus didn't just randomly pick a man out of the crowd to heal on the Sabbath, that there must have been something unique about this man that somehow made him ripe for this encounter that quite possibly was not the case with anyone else right then.

And then the next question comes to my own mind. Why does this feel important to me right now? I don't think it is just my own intellectual curiosity that wants to be satisfied, though that can be part of it. I feel that the Spirit takes things like this from stories I am meditating on to convey something of vital importance to my own heart, something that God wants to speak to me about in my own life, that He wants to address an issue inside that resonates with something I am reading or thinking about.

I have sensed and believed for a number of years that the proper way to evangelize in the true sense of the term is to follow the example of Jesus instead of the popular methods and motives most often used by others. Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit in everything that He did and in so doing was led to people who were ready for whatever it was that He wanted to do for them right when He encountered them. Jesus did not conduct the kind of high profile evangelistic campaigns trying to reach large groups of people to convert them to His brand of religion like we so often see today. Instead, He most often made personal contact with individuals in sometimes the most unlikely circumstances and had unusual encounters with them that left them radically different than they were before.

It is easy to understand this when thinking about it in agriculture. If I go into an orchard to help pick fruit off of fruit trees, I don't generally just pick everything in sight. I look for only the fruit that is mature, that is ripe and prime for picking. The rest of the fruit is left on the tree for another day so that it can have more time to ripen. Of course many today try to circumvent this way of living by picking tomatoes, for instance, while they are almost totally green so that by the time they end up in the store they are not overripe. But we all know that there is serious loss of flavor and quality because of such practices and the tomatoes that we buy in the store simply don't measure up to home-grown, vine-ripened succulent tomatoes picked fresh and eaten in the same day.

I believe that far too often we have used the methods of the world like this last example as our model for reaching others for God. We go out and assault people with the gospel whether they show signs of readiness or not and then condemn them if they don't respond in the way and at the time that we feel they should. But I never see Jesus doing anything like that in His ministry. Jesus always seemed to have His timing right. And when people rejected Him it was never because He had tried to pressure them prematurely into accepting Him but because they made a conscious choice to prefer something else over what He had to offer them. When it comes to picking souls, unlike fruit the person themselves have a choice in whether they will be picked and saved or not.

So what seems to be emerging in this story for me at least, is that there is something here about this man being ready for this encounter with Jesus that likely was not the case with anyone else around the pool that day. Jesus was led to be drawn to this man by the Spirit who led Him just as that same Spirit wants to lead us. Because Jesus always listened and obeyed the promptings of the Spirit of His Father, He knew inside that this man was at the point in his life where he was ready to believe, he was tired of being sick to the point of being ready to embrace new life over the status quo, that his heart as well as his body was ready to move into a new way of living and thinking.

I, like many others, sometimes get frustrated with God because it seems like He is not healing me as quickly as I want Him to do. I see all sorts of problems in my life, deficiencies, bad habits, old triggers and all sorts of other things that seriously cripple my life. I plead with God to change me, to heal me, to restore me to wholeness like He did for so many other people both back then and even today. I must confess that He is doing a great deal of healing in my life, but at the same time it seems like He is doing it the slowest way possible sometimes. I wonder if He does it this way because He wants to do an absolute thorough work of healing in me instead of a dramatic, quick transformation that does not address all of the underlying issues completely. That may be part of it, but I also think there is this element of ripeness.

I sense many times that I am like a fruit ripening on a tree and that there are times when I am finally ready for some part of my heart to be healed and it is then when God suddenly shows up in unexpected ways to offer me the opportunity to choose a new kind of life over what I have know in the past, what is familiar to me. I cannot know ahead of time when that will occur, but I need to cooperate with the ripening process so that when He does show up I will be willing to answer in the affirmative to the offers He is ready to make each time.

Of course God knows how messed up I have been, far better than I know myself. This man, in response to Jesus' question to him avoided the question by talking about his problems and all the difficulties he had and all the alternatives he was pursuing for his own healing but didn't seem to listen very well to what Jesus said to start with.

How often do I take off on a tangent when God tries to offer me a moment of healing, an encounter with Him that will address some of my greatest needs? Am I so intent on procuring healing for myself through various means that I have heard about from other sources that I fail to listen carefully to what He is saying to me personally? Jesus often spoke or did the unexpected when dealing with one person to the next. He didn't always ask if a person wanted to be healed. But in this story there was a definite reason for Him to do so.

Sometimes I wonder if I am like this poor man, rambling on about this and that method of cure while the all-powerful God of the universe is patiently standing in front of me offering me what I really need and want but can't recognize because of my misconceptions about reality?

I want to be more aware of what Jesus sees when He stands in front of me offering me something I have never imagined before. I want to be aware of what Jesus is aware of, what He knows when He looks into my heart, my past, my pain and also my potential. I want to be more present when Jesus is present instead of trying to steer the conversation toward some silly alternative when all along He is waiting to give me His faith, His wholeness, His life, His healing, His joy, His love. This is something that must take place at my heart level, not just my head. The real healing that all of us need most is to have freedom from the lies about God that have kept us so afraid of Him all of our lives. For to draw close to God is to encounter life, abundant life that will bring with it healing and wholeness and thriving and real joy.

Jesus, do I want to be healed? Is that what You are asking me? You know how confused I am, just like this man by the pool. But even after all the discussion was over about other things, you still gave him opportunity to embrace your healing offer. He accepted Your words and experienced a new life that he had possibly never known before. I want to accept Your offer too even though I am just as confused as he was about what You might be saying to me. Open my eyes to see as You see and my heart to perceive what You perceive. Come to me and fill my soul with the same healing that You have for everyone who is broken and messed up and ripe for a new life in You.

Where's the Power?

A man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, "Do you wish to get well?" (John 5:5-6)

I am still confronted with this question in my own heart. But I am glad that Jesus is confronting me this way. I am tired of being sick spiritually, emotionally and sometimes physically. When I am physically sick it is easier to see more clearly and want to pay attention to doing anything and everything to take better care of my health. My unhealthy indulgences suddenly come into sharp focus and I make strong promises to myself that I will put away my sloppy lifestyle after I get well and be sure to eat better foods and do all the things I need to stay healthy. The pain of being sick has a way of really putting life into perspective and making me realize how valuable good health really is.

But what is sometimes harder to be aware of is the spiritual condition of my soul and how much more sick it is than my body ever has been. I suppose that one of the problems I have is that I have never been very healthy spiritually, not healthy like Jesus was anyway. So since I have never even experienced a day where I felt totally alive, joyful, intimately connected to God and thriving, eager to bless others from a totally selfless attitude, then I don't have anything to look back to or long to return to. I have always been baffled by Jesus' statement to one of the seven churches in Revelation about returning to their first love. If a person never had a first love experience, especially when they were raised within a religious environment all of their lives and had no dramatic conversion event to look back on, then there seems to be no measurement to which to compare any other part of their life.

In a way I suppose that is not really much different than the man Jesus was talking to that day near the pool of Bethesda. It says clearly that he had been sick a long time. He may have been sick so long that he had pretty much forgotten what it was like to be anything else, if he ever was. Other than comparing his condition with those who could freely walk around that he could observe nearby, he had little to compare himself to and had little hope of any change for his life.

Yet there is something very intriguing about Jesus' question to this man. There is something very strange and compelling that Jesus would ask anyone who so obviously was in desperate need of restoration and was in such poor condition, such a strange question. The implications of this question almost sound insulting to our ears today. Which is precisely why I find it so compelling to look much deeper into this event and perceive more clearly just what was going on in this situation that can relate directly to my own circumstances and my own heart condition.

What if Jesus were to ask me this very same question today?

What if He really is asking me this question right now?

Who's to say He is not asking me this question?

To doubt that He is is to expose a heart full of doubt – which only reveals that I likely am much more sick that I might suppose.

Am I so used to being sick – emotionally, spiritually, soul-sick – am I so accustomed to living in the fellowship of sick people all around me, clamoring after this gimmick or that potion to reduce my discomfort, that living life the way God has in mind for me is just too far-fetched to even consider? Is living a healthy life such a stretch for my imagination that I am refusing to believe it can happen for me, that it is only something that could happen for others but that I am too broken for even God to repair?

As I write those words I am starting to see at least part of the conviction buried within this challenge from Jesus. Because underneath my reluctance to believe that I can live much differently than I am accustomed to living lies a bed of lies deep in my soul about how God views me. I am starting to see just a little more how much I am infected still with so many false assumptions about the heart of God toward me personally. It is so much easier to believe that God wants to heal someone else of their immense difficulties and transform them into joyful, passionate Christians living in new-found freedom from their past. But when it comes to my own heart that has been repressed, abused, stuck, wounded and full of fear of ever being seen by anyone else for so long – when it comes to my own healing it is so much easier for me to focus on all the impossibilities of my situation than it is to imagine that God might just want permission to do the impossible in my situation.

I caught a glimpse of this as I was reading today's devotional by Oswald Chambers a few minutes ago. It forced me to rethink the way I perceive my relationship to God and God's relationship to me in the gospel. The word 'gospel' is one of those tantalizing but obscure words that has eluded clear definition much of my life because it was so difficult for me to resolve the obvious conflict between the definition of this word – 'good news' – with what my heart was being taught about how God felt toward me. I found myself saying secretly that I couldn't see anything that sounded very good about the news I was hearing about God or religion. All I was seeing were long lists of requirements and demands and threats if I didn't come into line with the high standards imposed on me by 'religion'. This perception of religion has suffocated my own heart and damaged my emotions and soul for much of my life. But what I read this morning reminded me of what God has been trying to get through to me for so many years.

We are apt to make sanctification the end-all of our preaching. Paul alludes to personal experience by way of illustration, never as the end of the matter. We are nowhere commissioned to preach salvation or sanctification; we are commissioned to lift up Jesus Christ (John 12:32). It is a travesty to say that Jesus Christ travailed in Redemption to make me a saint. Jesus Christ travailed in Redemption to redeem the whole world, and place it unimpaired and rehabilitated before the throne of God. The fact that Redemption can be experienced by us is an illustration of the power of the reality of Redemption, but that is not the end of Redemption. (My Utmost for His Highest : February 1)

After I read this and then opened my Bible to come back to the story of this sick man, it struck me that I have focused so much more on the condition of this sick man anytime I read this story instead of on the fact that standing in front of this man was a God who was all-powerful, who had instant connections with all the resources of the universe at His command, who had the perspective of eternity at His disposal and in comparison to what was all around Him everything else sank into near total insignificance. A poor analogy would be if the president of the richest company in the world were to stand in front of a poor beggar and ask if he wanted any money. Given that perspective it is easier to see that the real focal point of my attention should not be so much on all the difficulties or circumstances that surround this beggar's life but the incredible potential that is being offered to him that is only a choice away.

I am convicted from Oswald's words here and in the words of Jesus that I need to train my mind to think and dwell far more on the reality of what God is like as well as what He is really offering in order to eclipse the nonsense of how much I think my problems seem to have power over me. The only power that the enemy can maintain in my life is the extent to which I give him that power by believing his lies about me and about God. I am starting to realize that it is my choice of how to view reality that gives or removes power from the chains and bars that still imprison my heart and mind.

Yes, I too have been sick a very long time. But I want to be made whole. Jesus, save me from my own resistance and unbelief!

Emerging Pattern

In these lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered, waiting for the moving of the waters. (John 5:3)

I just noticed what seems to be a pattern emerging from this verse. As I look back over the stories that John is relating so far in this book, I see a deepening of the situations in each story as far as sick people are concerned.

At the beginning of this book, Jesus turns water into wine at a wedding. There is nothing in this story about sick people at all, just people who are celebrating life but find themselves in a quandary concerning their party supplies.

Next Jesus disrupts the routine way religion is performed at the temple in Jerusalem, the same general area where this current story takes place. Again there are not apparently any sick people involved, at least physically. But there is some serious spiritual sickness being exposed which does not appear in the previous story.

After that Nicodemus shows up at night as one of the leaders of the religious establishment trying to negotiate and maybe mediate with Jesus. Again Jesus exposes a far deeper level of spiritual ignorance and sickness than can be seen by anyone else. But still there is no physical sickness involved.

After that John relays the story of the people of Sychar in Samaria. This time, especially from a Jewish perspective, there are people who might be considered spiritually sick and even worse than dogs in the eyes of His disciples. Yet Jesus confounds the presumptions and prejudices of His disciples about the labels and the hearts of various people groups and wins over a whole town into trusting Him as their Saviour. But still there is no hint of a miracle involving a physically sick person.

However the next story does involve both a sick person physically as well as a very sick person spiritually. The father of a sick boy is so filled with doubt about Jesus that it is only his desperation concerning the health of his son that drives him to risk talking to Jesus, begging Him to heal his son. Likely he had tried everything else and was only coming to Jesus because he couldn't think of anything else to try. However, Jesus confronted him with his serious faith deficit and exposed this nearly fatal spiritual sickness which prompted this man to not only accept healing for his own heart but his whole household entered into belief with him on top of the physical healing of his son.

But in that story we still are only beginning to be introduced to the fact that Jesus may be interested in more than just spiritually confronting people about their belief condition. For the first time in this book we are starting to see that He can do more than just invite people through various ways to move out of unbelief and trust Him as their Savior. He now begins to demonstrate in a small way that He is also interested in physical sicknesses as well. But still it only involves a single sick boy, and this from quite a distance, not up close and personal.

Now as I move into chapter five I suddenly see this reference to a whole arena full of sick people in which the story is set. John now described there to be a whole a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered... This is in contrast to no references so far in this book to any sick people at all except for the single sick boy from a distance referred to in the last story. Now Jesus is shown as walking around amidst masses of sick people; and yet strangely enough He only focuses on one single individual out of all these multitudes of potential healings. That too seems to be an odd and interesting fact that raises more questions. But it certainly fits the pattern of progression that I am seeing here as far as the type of activities that Jesus is doing as John deliberately takes us through his narrative, showing us vital lessons of what God is like in the person of Jesus Christ.