Making It To Heaven

You will seek Me, and will not find Me; and where I am, you cannot come. (John 7:34)

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

As a person raised from birth to live as a Christian, I have been seeking God, or at least some version of that, my whole life. In my early years I was not so much seeking God Himself as seeking to keep Him appeased enough to let me live for eternity and not burn in hell. I was never too sure about wanting to live that close to Him in heaven but I liked the descriptions of all the fun activities. And since the alternative was far worse I kept pursuing a life of trying to be good enough to fulfill all the requirements that were being handed me by religious people to make it into heaven.

I can see now that my mother was not satisfied with this kind of religion and was beginning to seek to discover something better, something more heart-oriented than the behavior based, controlling, external appearances kind of religion that was so pervasive all around us. She was agitating to experience and share a religion that would work more from the inside out based on love, but she met almost insurmountable resistance from my father and all the others who were firmly in charge of the church and religion. She died when I was only sixteen and never knowing how much things would change after her death, though it took many years to develop.

When I was somewhere in my thirties and had a family of my own, I began to feel confronted by the Spirit that the religion I had assumed was from the Bible was not the kind needed for true salvation. A rule-based religion focused primarily on behavior control and keeping up appearances was not the kind of religion that would bring about the desired results I needed to experience. Slowly I began to sense more and more the Spirit guiding me to challenge and expose many false assumptions I had grown up with in religion and to become aware that only a religion involving my heart and emotions along with my head would prepare me to live enjoyably with God for eternity.

When I read the above verse from John this morning, it suddenly aligned itself in my mind with the very similar verse from Jeremiah and really highlighted this important truth of a heart-based relationship with God. I was raised by people who opposed the idea of true religion as an intimate relationship with Jesus. Additionally it was considered dangerous to have a solid assurance of salvation, so you might be able to imagine a little of what my life was like in those early years. But this is always the sad result of living under the counterfeit system of religion that is based more on fear than on the attraction of love.

I am now learning more and more how important it is to keep my focus on knowing Jesus personally rather than becoming caught up in allowing guilt and shame or fear becoming the dominant force in my life. But this is far easier to say than to actually stay. In fact, Paul speaks of this as the fight of faith. And since faith is what happens spontaneously in a relationship with someone who is trustworthy, then the real battle is to keep my attention on deepening my relationship with Jesus rather than on trying to keep up the appearance of having a relationship without really engaging my heart in it.

When I look at the difference between these two very similar verses above, it become clear that the primary element other than seeking Him is my heart. Unless my heart is involved and engaged in the relationship there can be no lasting change in my life. I may attempt to look like what I think a Christian should look like and act like what people think Christians should act like, but unless I allow Jesus and His Spirit full access to the messy areas of my heart, my emotions, my painful, wounded places deep inside that fill me with shame and fear as well as challenging the intellectual beliefs that I hold to, I cannot enter into the kind of saving relationship that will prepare me to live in love with Jesus for all eternity.

Jesus repeatedly makes it clear that our greatest need is to come to Him. But in this verse He mentions those who may end up seeking Him but not being able to find Him because they fail to come to Him in the way necessary to encounter Him effectively. Unless I am willing to give my heart access and permission to come into the open along with my mind and I lay aside my obsession for keeping up appearances, I may never enter into the rest that Jesus promises those who come to Him. The rest that Jesus offers me is that assurance that I am loved, accepted and wanted in heaven and in the heart of God. It is a heart kind of rest and the only rest that really refreshes and brings new life into the soul.

Jesus, give me this rest today. Fill me with Your presence, Your peace, Your compassion and love and humility. Make me a channel of Your grace and peace to others so they will come to want to know You better for themselves.

Fear of Openness

Yet no one was speaking openly of Him for fear of the Jews. (John 7:13)

I am seeing some patterns in this passage that I want to explore a little more. Previously in this chapter it talks about Jesus refusing to go up to the feast with His brothers, partly at least because it says that the Jews in the region of Judea were seeking to kill Jesus. He had gone to work in Galilee for awhile ostensibly to let things cool off in Judea before He returned there – or so it might seem on the surface. His brothers were found urging Him to go back into the region where His life was being threatened because, according to the passage, they did not believe in Him at that point.

Now here in the above verse it speaks of the crowds at the feast in Jerusalem (which was in Judea) who were so intimidated by the hatred and threats of the Jewish leaders against Jesus that most people were afraid to even speak of Him openly for fear of coming under some of the same censure and effects of that anger. So it might be assumed that the reason Jesus had chosen to operate more secretly was also because of fear of the leaders.

But upon reflection it doesn't make much sense to draw those conclusions. Jesus did not derive His sense of safety, value or identity from any human being. Nicodemus pointed that out in chapter three and before that near the end of chapter two it mentions that Jesus did not trust Himself to anyone. But just because He didn't confide to anyone in that level of trust does not mean that He was ever motivated by fear or intimidation. These are tools that the enemy uses to manipulate and control most of us, but Jesus never fell for the schemes of the enemy and did not make any of His choices based on fear or threats from others.

So why did Jesus appear to act in ways that could easily be interpreted as being afraid of the Jews? And if He was not afraid and not acting in secret based on those motives like the others who are mentioned in this verse, then what were the motives He had for doing what He did? And how might I learn from this how to better respond when I am faced with similar situations designed to intimidate and control me through means of fear?

Controlling people through fear of violence, shame, or attacking their reputation is how the enemy and many of us choose to live too much of our lives. As a result we have also come to believe that God treats us pretty much the same way. Religion has taught us that God uses the carrot and stick approach; that on the one hand He invites us into a loving relationship with Him while on the other He holds out threats of extreme punishments or even torture if we slight His advances toward us. If we reject His kindness and mercy we are told that He will eventually throw us into painful burning fire to torture us for failing to embrace His love for us and the salvation He has provided.

But these are bald-faced lies about God that have been passed down through many generations but still have no validity whatsoever. And Jesus never gave countenance to such notions about God but instead came to this earth to reveal the truth of how God really feels about us by the way He related to sinners in person. So for Jesus to hide in Galilee out of fear of being killed by the Jews is inconsistent with the very character and attitudes that Jesus demonstrated throughout His life. Jesus was not afraid of death or He would never have come to this earth to start with. Something else was going on here.

In contrast to these people at the feast who were still under the slavery of fear and could easily be controlled, intimidated and manipulated by abusive leaders, Jesus was free of all such fears completely. He did not go to Galilee in order to hide out there until He felt safe enough to return, He went there for the same reason He went anywhere – because the Spirit led Him there and it was the will of His Father.

To allow fear to control His decisions would have been to cave into the temptations of Satan in His life. Jesus never lived in fear of anything because He stayed in such tight connection with His Father and maintained His constant awareness of the Spirit's guidance in His life. It was His Father who impressed Him to keep a low profile in Galilee for a time, not because of fear of the Jews like these other people were doing, but because it was not yet time for Jesus to be killed. Certain things needed yet to develop and mature and take place before the time would be ripe for Jesus to be offered up as the ultimate sacrifice for sin on Calvary. Because it was not yet time, Jesus was sent to Galilee by the Spirit to work there more while circumstances were developing for the final showdown in Jerusalem sometime later.

But another compelling conviction comes from what I see in this verse. How many times do I find myself so intimidated and influenced by fear of what others may think or do to me that I allow that pressure to keep me silent about Jesus? It says in this verse that no one was willing to be open about Him because of the pervasive fear that surrounded the reputation of Jesus. How often I sense that my own fears of what others think creates shame inside of me that prevents me from speaking openly about Jesus at times. I feel awkward, I feel inhibited, I begin to hear all sorts of rationalizations springing up in my head as to why I should probably wait for a more opportune time to speak out in favor of God. But am I any different than these people in Jesus' day who were too afraid to be identified with Him when His popularity was on the low end?

Who am I allowing to dictate what I am willing to express? I am all too aware of how much I have this problem myself and I want to be free of these fears as soon as possible. I want my life to be led by the Spirit like Jesus was rather than allowing fears of other people's threats or shame associated with God's reputation to govern my choices and actions and words. I want to even be willing to be misunderstood if necessary to obediently follow God's directions, even if my motives may appear to others to be different than what they should be. I want to live my life in response to God's directions and will rather than reacting to what is popular or unpopular at the moment.

Glory and Truth

He who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who is seeking the glory of the One who sent Him, He is true, and there is no unrighteousness in Him. (John 7:18)

He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him. (NIV)

The man whose words come from himself is looking for glory for himself, but he who is looking for the glory of him who sent him--that man is true and there is no evil in him. (BBE)

If I taught my own ideas, I would just be trying to get honor for myself. But if I am trying to bring honor to the one who sent me, I can be trusted. Anyone doing that is not going to lie. (ERV)

If I wanted to bring honor to myself, I would speak for myself. But I want to honor the one who sent me. That is why I tell the truth and not a lie. (CEV)

Those who speak their own thoughts are looking for their own glory. But the man who wants to bring glory to the one who sent him is a true teacher and doesn't have dishonest motives. (GW)

I find these words of Jesus to be a fascinating and useful test by which to measure not only the things other people teach and preach, but my own thoughts and words that I share with others. Jesus seems to be strongly implying here that the test of truth has far more to do with the motives of the presenter far more than the accuracy of the information they may be sharing. This idea is one that many, especially in the academic world, can find quite offensive. Yet Jesus has no apologies for His measurement of determining who is a viable source of truth.

Almost as if to underscore His controversial assertion, He immediately contrasts it with the legal, fact-based mentality of those who were listening to Him and already feeling offended by His words. He asserts that though the religious leaders had spent a lifetime seeking to know 'truth' from the Word of God and to align their lives with what they believed to be the purest source of truth to be found anywhere on earth, they had failed to comprehend or appreciate the only source of real truth that was standing right in front of them. The standard of determining who should be recognized as a reliable authority for speaking truth according to Jesus is the motives that are behind their claims, not the ability to proof-text successfully or to overcome opposition through compelling arguments and logic or even the performance of miracles.

This key principle of determining what or who is true is one that is very often ignored or marginalized. Yet it is the standard of truth that was spoken by the One who came to reveal the ultimate truth to the universe, the Son of God who is called The Truth as one of His appellations. Yet Jesus, the very embodiment of truth, never attempted to rely on His own authority or power to compel anyone to believe truth simply because of His claims. Jesus did not primarily rely on claims or even miracles to validate the truthfulness of His teachings but constantly pointed people to examine motives of the heart to discover the real truth.

Sin has brought about a great divorce inside the brains of humans ever since the fall. The part of us that is commonly termed our heart, the seat of our emotions, affections and creativity, what is now becoming known as largely located in the right hemisphere of the brain – this part of our makeup has been dissociated to a great extent from proper coordination with the logical part of our being which is primarily located in our left brain. This severe imbalance has served to produce much of our faulty thinking and theology. As a result there have developed all sorts of false and confusing beliefs in and out of religion. People either tend to gravitate toward an overemphasis on emotions, excitement, obsession with the miraculous and other such stimulations, or they pull away to the other extreme and try to focus as much as possible on a more sterile, intellectual, fact-based religion.

There is no end to the counterfeits used by Satan to deceive us into thinking we have or know the real truth. But all of these counterfeits have one thing in common – they are rooted in selfishness. Some of them are far more self-deceiving than others and even lead us to believe we are living an unselfish life of service for others. But hidden deep inside are motives of vested self-interest, and at times God allows circumstances to expose our true motives of selfish 'service' and gives us opportunity to turn to the real truth, both about ourselves and about Him.

How can I be certain that what I am propounding is true, or that the influence my life has on others is beneficial for attracting them toward the truth more than perpetuating or increasing the darkness of delusions? Jesus says here that the measuring stick to use for determining my truthfulness is my motives.

What are the gut-level motivations behind my desires to share what I believe with others? What is the fuel that drives me when I get excited and want to share some thrilling new 'truth' with someone? And since I am becoming more and more aware of how slippery my own heart can be in relaying to me what its true motives really are deep underneath the religiously correct answers I want to find there, how can I really know if I am in the truth and the truth abides in me?

There are a lot of clues to answer these serious questions in this passage. The more that I meditate on this chapter the more I am convicted of my own questionable motives that can bring into question whether I am really dealing with truth or just traditions or self-interest. According to the succeeding verses, I can see how easy it can be to fall back on the use of law and rules or even proof-texting to be the measurement of what is true or false. Yet it is still just as true as it was back in Jesus' day that relying on the law as a measurement of truth can be very deceptive itself. The Jews were meticulous law-observers and teachers, yet the motives which infected their hearts were not in line with this measurement of truth that Jesus speaks of in this verse.

I want this lesson to have its affect on my own life, my own relationship to truth and to serve as a constant reminder of my own need to challenge my motives in everything I do and say. I also need to have more transparency and willingness to listen quickly to the convictions of God's Spirit when I sense that my motives may be more about improving my own reputation more than living humbly for the benefit of the reputation of my God.

I find it all too easy to slip from simply sharing what I am learning from the Word and from His Spirit without any personal agenda, into allowing hidden pride to seep in and cause me to desire a little of the attention or credit to come for my benefit. It is so easy to want to desire a little of the glory, the credit, the honor, the admiration elicited by fresh revelations of 'truth' as I am sharing it with others – to want to siphon off a little bit of that for my own to help make me feel better about myself. I may try to insist that I am doing it all for God's glory and may even, like as sometimes seen on a football field or a music performance stage, point my finger to the sky as a means of convincing myself and others that I am really putting God ahead of myself. But God cannot be fooled and the standard of what is real truth still lies in the inner motives of the heart and who is really desired as the recipient for the responses of appreciation and affection that truth will produce in the hearts of its receivers.

The more I look at this the more disturbing it is becoming to me. But I am convicted that these words of Jesus must be appreciated for what they imply and must to be applied to my own experience. Because I am naturally selfish and this problem inherent in my sinful nature is not going to disappear without being daily crucified, I must allow this truth to remain fresh in my thinking as a constant warning to examine my own motives for why I share what I believe to be truth with others.

Am I secretly trying to maneuver myself into position to look better in other people's eyes by the way I teach truth, the way I defend truth, by the way I interpret Scripture or train others to pursue truth? Am I allowing what others think about me to supplement my need to feel valued by God? Do I allow affections that belong to God to be misplaced on me because I happened to be the messenger for Him?

That last question is the most disturbing and exposing one. I have come to realize that whenever I am triggered by someone that it is a sure symptom that something inside of me is still connected to a reliance on others for my sense of value and identity. It is exposed in my desires to control or manipulate what people think about me instead of resting in the secure identity and value that Jesus desires for me to experience in Him. He does not condemn me when I am exposed in this way, but it serves as a reminder that I have a long way to go in replacing the foundation of my spiritual life from what others think about me to exclusively resting in what God thinks about me. I am coming to believe that this process may be the core of the transformation that God is seeking to accomplish in each one that is serious about coming into right relationship with Him.

If I taught my own ideas (even if they are well proof-texted and supported with lots of footnotes). I would just be trying to get honor (more self-worth, affection, credit, assurance of value) for myself. But if I am trying to bring honor to the one who sent me (speaking well of God, looking out for His reputation more than for my own, seeking to be simply a reflection of His disposition and true character while I become transparent in the light of His glory), I can be trusted. Anyone doing that is not going to lie. (ERV enhanced)

Jesus, I worship You right now. I want to honor You and to improve Your reputation here on this earth along with Your Father's reputation. I confess that my motives are always mixed at best. I cannot free myself from subconscious desires and impulses to want to benefit improperly from the glory that belongs to You. Sometimes I catch myself trying to siphon off some of the affections from others for myself when I am sharing Your truth with them. But remind me that my greatest pleasure and satisfaction can only be realized when I lay down my own desire to gain value in the eyes of others and simply relax in Your love for me. Help me to live in humility and transparency so that You can reveal Yourself through me without interference from me.

Father, I rest in Your love, in your declarations of my worth to You, in Your Word and Your promises and in Your Spirit. Thank-you for Your Spirit that constantly guides me, draws me, instructs me, warns me, affirms and loves me. Thank-you for these words of Jesus intended to help me to enter more deeply into Your joy and into intimate fellowship with You. I accept them from You as truth for my own soul and embrace them. I also ask that You keep reminding me of them especially when I am in danger of wanting to stray from them. Remind me of the amazing, incredible love and value that You have for me personally. Your love is what my heart really craves while all other sources of pleasure only leave me hungry and empty again.

Keep me open and close to You today. Make me a cleaner, more efficient channel of Your truth and love to attract others to want to know You more than to know me. I commit myself into Your love and care for me today and cast all of my cares upon You, for You really do care for me.