Loving Darkness

And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. (John 3:19 NKJV)

And this is the test by which men are judged: the light has come into the world and men have more love for the dark than for the light, because their acts are evil. (John 3:19 BBE)

I am interested in trying to understand better what this relationship is between deeds of evil and love of darkness. For there must be something inherent in this fatal connection that causes those who remain in this state of mind to experience condemnation. And this is not just a problem for others out there but is always a very present danger for me and for those around me. Being so familiar with a long history of feeling condemned for much of my life I realize that this is a very relevant issue for me.

It is all too easy to discount the personal applicability of this verse to ourselves and somehow think that it only applies to others. Most Christians assume that they believe in the light and that it is someone else who must have this problem with loving darkness, not them. So we proceed to use our own situations or system of beliefs to define what the word darkness means and what constitutes evil deeds. But interestingly Jesus Himself applied a term along the line of evil deeds to people who were actively engaged in apparently very Christian-looking and sounding activities but who didn't have an intimate relationship with Him personally. He called them workers of iniquity. (see Luke 13:24-30, Matt. 7:21-23)

It appears to me that this passage is one of the explanations of the definition of what judgment is as presented by the Bible, or at least what causes the sense of condemnation that people who are found to be lost in the judgment experience. Apparently the core reason for the overwhelming feelings of guilt and condemnation that finally overtake those who find themselves hopelessly out of touch with reality and God is because they have chosen to prefer the comfort of remaining in relative darkness where they are used to living rather than endure the discomfort and pain of exposure and change that inevitably comes with the increased presence of light.

This is affirmed in the chapter of 1 Thess. 2 where the subject of judgment and condemnation is examined in more detail. There it clearly reveals that the reason anyone will be lost is because they refused to accept a love for the truth. Jesus says here that they love darkness rather than light. So the next question that really needs to be unpacked is, what is the true nature of this light and darkness and the real truth about what is truth.

I am starting to read a new book I just purchased called The Truth About Lies and Lies About Truth by David Takle. I have not even read through the first chapter and already I am deeply impressed and eager to read the whole book. This book can be purchased from Shepherd's House where it was published and which also has a great deal of other very effective resources for those serious about growing in maturity and learning to effectively bond with others and with God. This book brings together some of the most effective insights from various sources into one place that can help us really understand what is going on inside of us regarding this thing we call belief.

I find it providential that I got this book at this time in particular. One of the reasons that I chose to immerse myself in the book of John at this time was because I have a deepening desire to experience belief in Jesus at a far deeper level than ever before. Since it is very clear that John was likewise very focused on this issue I believe that marinating in these passages and listening for whatever the Spirit of God brings to my attention day after day might be one of the best things I could do right now to create a conducive atmosphere in my own heart and life for faith to grow. Now I come across this book that is also focused on unpacking more clearly just what is involved in believing and some of the hindrances to living in real belief that are likely some of the hangups that have kept me from living in more faith.

Because of the very nature of deception itself, I suspect that if I am honest enough I am going to discover many more areas in my own heart where I am still loving darkness rather than light. I do not want to continue living that way because I know it will prove to be fatal for me if I do not change that perspective. I want to cultivate a disposition of love for light in my soul no matter how uncomfortable it is going to make me. I also realize that it is easy to say such things but much different to actually make choices based on that idea when the discomfort becomes very intense. That is why I have to simply trust God to continue to draw me to His heart and keep giving me a spirit of willingness to surrender to His increasing revelations of light to my mind and heart.

I realize that it is more important for me to deal with my own love of darkness and become free of it far more than it is necessary for me to be able to see it in other people. Of course it is far less discomfiting to focus on how others love darkness rather than light instead of my own resistance to light, but that too easily becomes an out for me to avoid necessary convictions that I need to face and accept from God's Spirit. I want to grow in grace and in a real and saving knowledge of God and of my Savior without sidestepping conviction in any way so that my own witness for His grace can be more authentic and compelling. And I certainly do not want to be found among those Jesus talked about who were absolutely convinced that they were going to be saved in heaven because of all their truth and good works and correct beliefs but were shocked to learn that Jesus didn't know them in the way that is necessary for salvation in the end.

Father, please reveal to me the areas of my life where I still don't really believe in You. Show me where I still love darkness rather than light and am afraid of You shining Your light into dark places inside of me that make me feel terrified. But don't stop with just showing me these vulnerable areas of my soul but go ahead and shine Your light of healing, grace and love into those pockets of lies that still resist You that remain embedded in my mind. Do whatever it takes to bring the healing process of my own heart to full maturity and restoration. Make me the focus of Your healing love and an example of Your transforming grace for Your glory.