I Need More Fragrance

Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (John 12:3)

Each time I have read this verse over the past week or so I have been impressed with this phrase about the fragrance filling the house. I have felt conviction that my life is far too devoid of the kind of fragrance that would attract attention, at least the kind of attention that would cause others to want to become better acquainted with Jesus for themselves.

It has been coming to my attention increasingly over the past few years is that far more important than obsessing over getting my behavior in line with the law of God, the real issue has to do with the condition of my spirit and the atmosphere surrounding me that affects others. It is far too easy to just keep up appearances and work hard at looking like a good church Christian while failing to grow in true grace and making my life a genuine blessing to others.

Observing the messy kind of life that Mary had and yet seeing how her passion for Jesus seemed to connect her with His heart more than anyone else in the Bible has really piqued my interest. My heart wants to experience some of the passion that I see in Mary's story. Sometimes I have wondered if having that kind of depth and intensity of passion for God requires that I first be involved in a life of sin equivalent to hers. I have considered that option at times in my past but decided that it probably wasn't worth the risk of plunging into sin just to have the perspective of being rescued dramatically. What if I didn't make it back to God for some reason? Choosing to indulge in intense pleasures of sin not only would permanently damage and scar my own life but would endanger and wound many other hearts as well. I don't believe God favors this kind of option.

Yet coming to know God with the depth of intensity that I perceive in Mary's passion for Jesus is a very enviable thing. How can I, a person who grew up religious, taught the right doctrines and trained to do the 'right thing' and keep up the right appearances – how can I come to know Jesus and have my own heart catch on fire like what I see in Mary's experience? It has always seemed to me that it is far more difficult for a Pharisee-type person like me to come into intimacy with Jesus than for an open sinner to come into a passionate relationship with Him. While this may not be impossible it seems to be much more difficult. But that is the path that I have chosen and I want to be drawn into a much deeper relationship with the heart of God than I have yet experienced.

This morning I opened the devotional I have been reading this year only to find reinforcement for the conviction I have been receiving about this issue of personal fragrance. I don't think it is a coincidence as God has been faithful to communicate regularly to me things relevant to my needs for growing in grace. I find a number of significant elements that I have been learning over the past few years in this quotation that I would like to incorporate into my own life as well as addressing things that need correcting.

Love is the principle that underlies God's government in heaven and on earth, and this love must be interwoven in the life of the Christian. The love of Christ is not a fitful love; it is deep, and broad, and full. Its possessor will not say, "I will love only those who love me." The heart that is influenced by this holy principle will be carried above everything of a selfish nature.

Even among professing Christians there are persons who are always on the watch for something at which to take offense. If their friends are absorbed in matters that require their attention and have no time to devote to them, they feel slighted and injured.... Their lives are like the gorgeous flowers which possess no fragrance. Much to be preferred is the simple, unpretending blossom that blesses with its sweet odor those who come in contact with it.

Instead of finding fault with others, these persons should seek to become lovely by putting on Christ.... The character of Christ is the standard which the Christian is to keep before him. His aim should be to possess those graces that were exemplified in the life of Christ in humanity....

The religion of Jesus Christ is not merely to prepare us for the future immortal life; it is to enable us to live the Christ life here on earth. Jesus is not only our pattern, He is also our friend and our guide, and by taking hold of His strong arm and partaking of His Spirit, we may walk "even as he walked." {TMK 298}

I keep coming back to an awareness that one of my greatest weaknesses that I inherited from my family is the habit of fault-finding. It comes so naturally to me that it is difficult to stop, at least internally. My default reaction to many situations is to look for the negative, to play the devil's advocate. At the same time I often find it hard to feel spontaneously grateful, to appreciate the good in others and to affirm them liberally. I don't like this weakness at all and I want to become free of the selfishness that underlies it and reinforces it. Yet this tendency is extremely deep-rooted in my nature and I have to struggle against it constantly.

What I see in these references is admonition for me personally. I can see that my life is largely devoid of the fragrance of Jesus and that I need much more of Jesus inside of my own heart. Learning all kinds of wonderful truths certainly has its value, but unless these insights work into the deeper regions of my heart and begin to produce fruit that looks more like Jesus, they can become liabilities. I want much more of the spirit and disposition that was seen in the way Jesus treated people. I need the kind of spirit and atmosphere that attracted people like Mary, one whom nearly everyone scorned and marginalized, to feel safe to come close to and be around. I want the sensitivity and kindness, gentleness, compassion and forgiving spirit that will cause wounded people to feel safe to come close and develop trust. I want to exhibit the attributes that people saw in Jesus but were so rare in religious people.

Unfortunately right now I feel more like the description of the gorgeous flower devoid of fragrance, but even that hardly fits me for I certainly am not even gorgeous in any respect. I live a respectable life, try to stay out of trouble pretty much and seek to imitate Jesus' life by treating others fairly. Many look at me and believe I am a reasonably decent Christian, but that is not what I want to be. I want to become a passionate friend of Jesus, a person obsessed with devotion to Him like I see in Mary's example. I am tired and dissatisfied with mediocre living and yet I feel trapped in it. I want a radical personal encounter with Jesus that will open my eyes, soften my heart and help me to escape the average. I want to quit living in the rut and move into a high-risk life of faith out on the edge where the real excitement is and where I can feel like I am really thriving and bearing a more authentic testimony for the kind of God I have been coming to discover.

Hidden Odor

Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of His disciples, who was intending to betray Him, said, "Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and given to poor people?" (John 12:3-5)

This disturbs me.

This exposes me.

This challenges me.

I see in this passage a very clear contrast between two attitudes that run very deep and that are in total antagonism with each other. And what bothers me is that I see far too much of the negative attitudes of Judas in my own heart more than the sweet fragrance that emanated from the heart and the hands of Mary in this story.

John crafted this story about the anointing far differently than any other version of it in the other gospel accounts. He left out nearly all of the negative aspects of the story and presented it almost idealistically. But it was not because he was trying to gloss over the ugliness of some of the characters involved but I believe because he wanted to make some of the most important points even more emphatic and clear.

I have started to see that John may well have been suggesting an alternative narrative to the previous story by paralleling these two chapters so closely. In doing so he wanted to suggest in the way he presented this story how things could have gone if Martha and Mary and others involved would have chosen to focus on the goodness of Jesus even in the midst of their grief instead of being so overwhelmed by doubting attitudes of the unbelieving Jews around them. If that had happened this feast could have happened in Martha and Mary's house and might have been recorded in the last chapter in connection with the resurrection of Lazarus. That scenario presents some very real and exciting alternatives to how that story might have unfolded differently than it did.

There is another aspect of this story that is very easy to miss in our distance from it. It is very hard for us to imagine the popularity that Judas enjoyed among the disciples before his true character was exposed at the very last minute. It is the same issues we have trying to wrap our minds around how so many people could have been so enamored with Hitler before his true nature was finally exposed. If one carefully studies history or talks with someone who lived before World War 2 they would learn that Hitler was extremely popular, not only in his own country but with many of the nations that later went to war against him. He presented hope for the people of Germany when it seemed all hope was lost. He launched expansive programs to rebuild a devastated country and improved the economy dramatically. He started the Volkswagen company – the car of the people – which still thrives to this day. He began building the superhighways still popular in Europe and did many other things to improve the lives of his countrymen.

It is hard for us now to imagine supporting Hitler because of what we know about him after the war. But before his true character became evident he did a masterful job of manipulating the media and keeping up appearances to solicit massive public support for his ideas and programs. Even his own perceptions evolved over time. He did not start out as a desperately wicked tyrant bent on murdering millions of people, but the effects of his selfish choices one after another had the effect of leading him down a path that ended in producing one of the negative icons of history.

So too, Judas was not an obvious candidate for a person lined up to join Hitler and other ruthless dictators of history when the disciples knew him as one of their trusted friends. He was actually the most promising candidate for success in their eyes and they often looked to him for guidance and were influenced by his political astuteness. Judas was more educated than possibly all the other disciples combined and wasn't afraid to let people know of his superiority. He was gifted in many ways and had natural advantages that the other disciples did not enjoy. Because of this he was strategically positioned to be a natural leader and could have in fact been a great asset to Jesus except for one thing.

Judas' downfall was not that he was a naturally bad person more than anyone around him. All of us have the same capacity and bent toward betraying Jesus just as much as Judas whether we perceive it or not. If we think we are in less danger of making the same choices as Judas we deceive ourselves and are in desperate need of serious conviction by the Spirit of God. Peter too, denied Jesus when things came down to desperate conditions and he consequently felt that it was no longer possible for him to be considered a disciple ever again until Jesus dramatically restored confidence in him after the resurrection. I believe Peter came very close to suicide after Jesus died and was only prevented from doing so through direct intervention from Jesus though this is scantly recorded.

The difference between Judas and Peter was the inner condition of their heart, not the outward actions or mistakes they made. Judas repeatedly resisted the tenderness, the humility, the true picture of God that Jesus sought to impress upon him. Repeatedly his heart was warmed and moved by the incredible kindness and compassion of Jesus in various situations, yet because of his deep-rooted selfishness and pride and his refusal to give up his preconceived ideas about what God was like, he, like the other Jewish leaders that he wanted to impress, disqualified his own heart and destroyed his own capacity to repent in the end. By continuing to choose over and over his own way instead of responding to the love of Jesus repeatedly offered him, Judas hardened his heart and the end result was the betrayal that emerged to the shock and surprise of all who had known him except for Jesus.

When John here contrasts the spirit of Mary and the spirit of Judas in these verses I believe he is seeking to put into sharp relief the difference between the kingdom of darkness and the kingdom of light. Judas at that time was still very popular among the disciples and they much admired him. On the other hand they were also influenced by his hypocrisy and shared some of his disgust and disdain for others who did not measure up to his supposedly high standards. Like the religious leaders, most of the people in this story still had suspicion for Mary who had spent so much of her life prostituting herself and living shamefully. It was no secret how immorally Mary had spent much of her life and that kind of reputation has a way of clinging to one's reputation particularly around professedly religious crowds.

What most people in this story failed to see was the true character of Jesus as well as the transformation that had happened in Mary's life. They failed almost completely to perceive the power of Jesus' love to transform a person from any level of hopelessness, wickedness or weakness to a child of God free of their past life of sin. What they failed to perceive was that most of them were actually far more guilty of sin and were resisting the truth about God far more than Mary was at this point. What most of them did not realize was that Simon the Pharisee in whose house this feast was taking place had likely been the very one who had first exploited Mary as a young, pretty woman that resulted in her plunging her into a life of immorality in the first place. It is also possible that Judas, the son of Simon, was likely infected to a great degree by his father's hypocrisy but like his father was able to manipulate public perceptions to make them look good compared to people like Mary.

John may be seeking in these passages to rise above the confusion and intrigue behind what was going on here to get to the real issues involved. The greater issues are still ones that we often miss yet today when we read these stories without heavenly perception. The way heaven views these things is much more oriented around the condition of the spirit of each person, not the history of their past failures. The previous chapter reveals the struggles that Mary and her sister went through in their desire to believe in Jesus and how they were growing in their trust in Him. Now when Jesus came back to town after their brother had been raised to life it only made sense to want to throw Him a party in gratitude for who He was and what He had just done for them.

In parallel to the beginning of chapter 11 I see all three individuals from this family mentioned here again. Martha is doing her usual taking care of the hospitality part and making sure all the food is in order. Lazarus is fellowshipping with Jesus and simply enjoying being alive again, obviously indebted to Jesus for his very existence. And the way John presents it Mary is doing what she does best as expressed through her personality – she is worshiping Jesus and showering affection and appreciation on Him far beyond what anyone else is willing to do.

Each of these people are relating to Jesus positively but in their own unique individuality. That is what God wants all of us to do. Until Judas inserts his dump of shame on Mary and injects his evil insinuations into the story things are looking like a well-planned celebration of the goodness of God. I don't think it is a mistake to see John's version of this story from this viewpoint. I believe John wanted to convey something important to us about how each one of us can relate to Jesus in our own context but in a spirit that is united with each other in love, gratitude and deep appreciation for our very lives.

The sharp contrast that is suddenly brought into view with the introduction of Judas into the story is even more ugly when compared with the spirit of these three siblings. The insinuations Judas makes are actually shocking if one stops to think about it. Judas is in effect saying that Jesus is not worthy of such an expensive gift and that Mary is stupid for making the choice to waster her money on Him like this. He also wants to shame her publicly, humiliate her, putting her down in order to make himself look better by contrast. This is always what happens when we lose perspective of reality due to pride and selfishness. We fail to appreciate the true value of life as revealed in Jesus and His character and instead focus on money, on influence, on political advantage and power and prestige.

Selfishness had so infected the heart of Judas by this point that he was nearly past the point of no return. He had become blinded to reality and had infected the other disciples to a great extent with his perverted views of what is important. As he saw Jesus receiving the affections of Mary without resistance, his own selfishness and ingratitude became so exposed that he felt compelled to divert any possible attention away by shifting everyone's focus to questioning the motives of Mary.

It was easy to twist the actions of Mary in order to indict her in the eyes of those who were watching. But in doing so Judas (along with his father Simon) were actually attacking Jesus. In the comment of Judas it becomes evident that he had no corresponding appreciation for the character of Jesus like these three siblings had. The heart of Judas had become so hardened from repeated resistance to the goodness of God that he was unable to appreciate the value of forgiveness or even desire it for himself like Mary did. He had lived in deception for so long, both of others and of himself, that he had lost his ability to see reality the way others around him were beginning to see it. The spirit of fault-finding, criticism and negative thinking along with dark pictures of God shared by most around him had blinded Judas to the true condition of his own heart and he was about to commit high treason against the very Son of God without realizing what he was doing.

In other versions of this same story Jesus stated that this event would go everywhere in the world that the gospel would go through the very end of time. I believe that John wanted to make sure that this story was properly understood and that we would grasp the true nature of what took place and the true nature of the people involved. Instead of Mary being the bad person in this story with her identity linked to her dubious past, it was Judas who was the real problem, the one with an unconverted heart. History would soon show that Judas was the villain, not Mary like everyone thought at the time. Even John himself did not yet see this while the story was taking place but he wanted to make the point clear years later as he recorded his version of the life of Jesus.