"This is the way the Lord has
dealt with me in the days when He looked with favor upon me, to take
away my disgrace among men." (Luke 1:25)
I think I may be starting to get it, at
least a little more than for much of my previous life. As I read this
glowing testimony of Elizabeth while she withdraws largely from
public life to relish her late-life pregnancy, she responds to the
effects of marinating in the goodness of God. And as she increasingly
becomes aware of just how gracious God really is her heart overflows
with wonder, joy and love for this God who is so different than what
most of the people around her perceive Him to be.
As I read this verse again this morning
my attention was drawn back to a previous place in this story when
the angel had first told her husband what would come of God's promise
to them. Gabriel was a messenger sent direct from the throne of God,
where the One who shaped and governs all the universe with
compassion, power and infinite love, now chose to reveal to Zacharias
God's plans to prepare the world for the imminent revealing of the
Messiah. Gabriel had told Zacharias "You will have joy and
gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth." Now Elizabeth
is beginning to taste that very joy long before the birth of this
miracle child, for her heart may not have been so incredulous as that
of her husband's and she was a more willing recipient for this
miracle that was taking place in their home.
There are a number of questions that
have stirred around in my mind over the years about this story. When
I examine the response of Zacharias compared to that of Mary the
future mother of Jesus to a very similar announcement from this same
angel, I find very little difference between them. I am very aware of
the nit-picking, detailed exegesis that many give to these responses
in order to explain why one was treated so severely while the other
was so profusely praised. But what I sense when I read these stories
is that the difference between the two responses had far more to do
with the spirit of their heart rather than the words they chose to
use. As Jesus Himself explained later, out of the abundance of the
heart the mouth speaks. Words are far more along the line of
symptoms rather than the real issue themselves.
I suppose that this is of interest to
my own heart because of the progression over the years that my
understanding of the real truth about God has so radically changed.
After spending many years suffering under the abusive oppression of
dark, fearful beliefs about how God feels about me, revelations of
the real truth about His love and His feelings towards me have forced
me to challenge every belief I ever had and to alter drastically my
views about religion. But in the process I am finding myself moving
ever more closer to being able to respond with actual hope when God
proposes good things for my life instead of the usual pessimistic
reaction that has been so typical most of my life.
What is becoming ever more clear in my
thinking is that as I focus on the goodness of God and all His
attributes He is revealing to me in contrast to the confusing mixed
bag of notions that religion taught me about Him, I find this to be
the only real antidote to the pessimism of my past. Like Elizabeth, I
find myself starting to sense new feelings stirring deep inside of me
as Christ is being mysteriously formed in my own life just as baby
John, full of the Holy Ghost, was being formed inside of her. I am
beginning to taste a new perspective, a sense of a totally different
reality that is uncommon and nearly unknown in the world around me. I
think I am beginning to perceive what Jesus must have been talking
about when He kept referring to what the kingdom of heaven was all
about.
I can distinctly remember the many
years when my mind simply had no internal realistic definition for
things like joy or passionate love, especially as
related to God. Oh, I knew all the right clichés to throw around in
religious conversation, but I'm talking about heart language here.
For me the word joy was more like a slap in the face, like
something to taunt me with like holding out water just out of reach
to a man dying of thirst in the hot desert. I could become angry when
confronted with discussions about joy because in my life there was
nothing I could relate it to that seemed to fit the descriptions
offered.
I wonder if this might have been the
case with John's father Zacharias. Maybe he had become cynical about
hope by this time in his life. Being very much involved in the
religious system of his day he surely was all too aware of the
pervasive corruption and hypocrisy and greed at all levels of
religion and government. I have found that dwelling on such
information, no matter how accurate or true it is, has the effect of
creating more cynicism, hopelessness and pessimism. Had Zacharias
come to the place where he was just putting in his time, treading
water spiritually until it was time to die because all his dreams had
long since dissipated? There seems to be hints of that in this story.
But even this alerts my attention to
the graciousness of God in the way He treats this family. Rather than
taking this news directly to Elizabeth who would be the one bearing
the miracle child, God sends Gabriel to her husband, the more cynical
one, in order to turn his attitude around as much as possible in
advance of the years of training they would need to give this boy.
And although Gabriel had to take rather intense measures to
discipline Zacharias for his habits of doubt and fear that had taken
over his life and caused him to disbelieve even a vision direct from
heaven, God cared so much about getting him involved that He did
whatever it took to include Zacharias in this event.
Of course there is also the matter of
needing to have Zacharias go home and become physically intimate with
his own wife in their old age to initiate this new birth. That was in
contrast to Mary's experience which is another story with its own
amazing revelations. But what is emerging for me here is a glimpse of
how amazing the graciousness of God is to those who have become jaded
and skeptical because of the abuse of religion, politics and all the
other corruption that surrounds us. In other words, this story is yet
another example that He is using to remind me that He will also do
whatever it takes to transform me from a cynical pessimist into a
joyful child full of wonder, gratitude and praise.
This picture of a child has been one
that God presented to my heart many years ago. In spite of all the
inhibitions acquired from so many around me growing up, God shared
with me that as He continues to transform me I will indeed learn to
become like a little child, willing to skip and dance and twirl and
be spontaneously joyful in ways I have long forgotten how to do. But
this can never happen by being forced or persuaded or commanded to do
it; all such attempts only serve to stifle any such expressiveness of
genuine joy. Rather, God has promised me, just as He promised
Zacharias, that the direction my life will take as I allow Him access
to my heart will ever move inexorably in the direction of true joy,
gladness, rejoicing and spontaneous celebration.
Like Elizabeth I am already beginning
to sense the joy and gladness growing in my heart as my perceptions
of what God is really like continue to amend. With her, I can
resonate with the sentiments she expressed and concur with her
description of what was transpiring deep inside her wounded but
healing soul. So this is the way the Lord deals with me as He
looks with favor upon me, to take away my shame and fear and disgrace
I have felt for so long among the people who matter in my life.