What is My Desire?

When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, "Do you wish to get well?" (John 5:6)

Do you want to be made well? (NKJV)

Is it your desire to get well? (BBE)

I feel a need to focus in very sharply on the center point of Jesus' question to this man – and to me as well. The other words in the question involve things that could be assumed as obvious: Of course you would want to be well and of course anyone who is sick or crippled would most likely want to be free of their condition, to be well.

But what is not so completely certain is the internal clarity in the emotional and heart arena of the soul about what is really going on as far as motives and desires. I sense that Jesus is not asking a superfluous question here but really intends to expose the true nature of the mixed feelings and conflicting internal beliefs of the heart that had likely tormented this man possibly much of his life.

The more I meditate on this the more clearly I can see likely what it was that Jesus really wanted to bring into the open about this man's feelings about God and how God had treated him. Most of us have the tendency to blame God when things go wrong and have even more doubts about Him when things continue to feel bad for an extended period of time. This man certainly had plenty of excuses to blame God for his extended ailments and handicaps even if it may not have sounded logical or religiously correct. This was likely reinforced by the popular opinions of the religious people of his day who believed that God used such ailments as a punishments for some hidden sin in the life.

This view of God as one who is looking for excuses to punish people or inflict pain on them for various reasons is so prevalent even today that I see it as one of the most effective methods of Satan to deter people from even wanting to know more about God. There are many people who want nothing to do with God, whether professing to be Christians or openly hostile to Christianity, because of the popular assumptions about how God treats people, especially sinners.

I believe that very likely Jesus wanted to target the very center of those lies in this man's heart as part of the healing process that He wanted this man to experience. For the main purpose of Jesus coming to this earth to begin with was not primarily to heal a few hundred people and then return to heaven. He came to reveal the real truth about God that has been nearly obliterated from the earth by the pervasive lies about Him promoted by Satan and all of us who have been complicit in spreading those lies. The main purpose of Jesus' healing ministry was to demonstrate more tangibly the truths about how God feels about people, not only to relieve them of their current physical ailments even though that was partially involved. It is the hearts of His children that God is far more concerned to capture than simply a temporary restoration of the health of their bodies.

But in the eternal realm of things, in the supernatural world where the real battle is taking place, there are rules of engagement that we often misunderstand or are ignorant of altogether. And one of those principles is the issue of permission. Satan is not allowed to do things with humans without getting permission first and the same is true in many respects with what God does on earth as well. This may sound very strange at first but when we really begin to grasp the truth about what love really is and how intimately intertwined with our freedom of choice it must be, then we will begin to really appreciate much more deeply the respect and true love that God always exercises in relation to us.

So instead of just walking up and healing this man without any interaction or involvement on his part, Jesus approaches him, knowing what has been going on in his heart for 38 years as well as his physical problems, then first of all addresses the more important issue of synchronizing this man's will with what Jesus wants to do for him. Jesus refuses to impose Himself or His will on anyone; He never uses force or coercion even when it comes to good things in life. Everything that God has for us is offered as gifts, never arbitrary impositions. That really says a lot to me about how God feels about me and I want to appreciate and know that much more thoroughly.

I looked up the Greek word Jesus used that is translated in these various versions as wish, want and desire. It is the core of what Jesus was asking in order to alert this man that He needed his permission before He could move to the next step of offering this man what he really needed. I found the definition of this word enlightening for me, enhancing this passage in the variations of meaning being conveyed.

The Greek word here is thelo. And here is part of the definition as Strong's states it:

to determine (as an active option from subjective impulse), i.e. choose or prefer (literally or figuratively); by implication, to wish, i.e. be inclined to (sometimes adverbially, gladly); to be about to; by Hebraism, to delight in: be disposed, intend, will.

Furthermore, here is the meaning of the root word from which this first word is derived:

aireomai; to take for oneself, i.e. to prefer: – choose.

As I ponder through this list of meanings in relation to what Jesus is asking me about my motives of being healed just as He did for this man by the pool, I am convicted that I need to examine my own heart just as this man needed to do and clarify what is really going on internally that I have been ignoring or overlooking. And I can see how easy it is to have the initial reaction like this man did of launching into an explanation about all the reasons why I haven't experienced healing while failing to pay attention to the reality of who is offering me the healing in the first place or what He really is saying.

The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me." (John 5:7)

It is so easy to criticize this man for talking about all these past experiences or failures when we can see so easily that the One who is standing before Him has something so much better to offer than what he was thinking about. We do that because of our perspective and appreciation from knowing the rest of the story in advance. But it is much more important to place ourselves in this man's situation who had little or no knowledge whatsoever of who Jesus was and sense the context of all the internal and external frustrations and baggage that must have weighed down his heart. When we do that it will start to become more evident how often we say things very similar to the silly things this man blurted out in response to Jesus' question.

I have no man to put me into the pool...

How often have I longed to have someone who would come alongside me and understand my real needs even better than I do and supply me with the encouragement, wisdom, love and nurturing that I so need and long for? I too have no man to take me to where I assume I would be able to experience real healing. So I jump at every promising opportunity that I hear about and go from this ministry to that trying to discover that man (or woman) who might have the skills or the right formula or a strong enough connection with God who might finally help me experience the huge breakthrough that I long for in my own spiritual journey. But so far it has never happened that way. Yet my heart keeps somehow hoping that the next one I meet might finally be the one to carry me to the 'healing pool' and plunge me into the supernatural realm where I will experience the joy and healing and wholeness that I know I need and I desire so intensely.

...while I am coming, another steps down before me.

So maybe I can't find that perfect fit of a person who can really help me feel blessed and whole again. So I try to search and move toward sources of healing myself. But even then I meet with repeated frustrations as I struggle in my brokenness and handicaps to move toward every promising place that seems to offer hope. I hear wonderful stories of other people's healing from this place or that but I am stymied by limited finances or distance or lack of social connections or whatever other obstacles that prevent me from getting close enough myself to receive what seems to only happen for others.

Wow! I had little idea there was so much in this story that relates so directly to me. I feel the Spirit speaking to me in each paragraph here even as it comes from my fingers. I sense that Jesus is wanting me to think even further outside the box of my assumptions and traditions to realize that I am still limiting Him and preventing Him from doing things for me that I really need but that may come in drastically different ways than I have expected.

I want these limitations on God to be exposed by the words of Jesus to my heart. I want to let go of the lies about God that still prevent me from allowing Him all the permission He needs to do much more in my life. I want to finally 'get it' like this man did and begin to walk and leap and celebrate in the glorious goodness and grace of my Healer, my Friend, my Savior, my Lover.

God, open my eyes and ears and heart to hear what You are really saying to me and fill me with a complete willingness to do whatever it is You are asking me to do to cooperate with Your plans for me.