Perspective After Death

The large crowd of the Jews then learned that He was there; and they came, not for Jesus' sake only, but that they might also see Lazarus, whom He raised from the dead. But the chief priests planned to put Lazarus to death also; because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and were believing in Jesus. (John 12:9-11)

Things in my life seem to be transitioning over the past few months. And although I don't know what the future looks like exactly, I sense more and more that trouble is looming ahead for me because of the things I have been learning and sharing with those around me. The more truth that I learn about God and about the revelation of God through the life and teachings of Jesus, the more out of sync I find myself with those whom I once shared harmony with in confused beliefs about God.

I keep seeing more clearly how mistaken ideas about religion have kept me from really knowing God and from being able to worship Him in both spirit and truth. I now find myself repeatedly confronted with decisions as to whether I will continue to believe things I have been taught all of my life about religion or whether I will embrace fresh revelations of truth that are more consistent with the Word of God and the testimony of Jesus. And as I keep embracing increased light as the Spirit reveals it to me from His Word and from others who are likewise discovering truth, the Spirit confirms these revelations in various ways. At the same time I sense growing resistance from those who once supported me and with whom I shared more traditional views about reality and religion.

It truly is our perception of reality, not just about religion but about how God really relates to sinners that defines how we react to circumstances. As my internal perceptions of God continue to be transformed through the renewing of my own mind I find that my feelings and my interpretations of events and God's messages in written form are becoming very different than ever before. I also see that my view of reality is becoming more and more of a minority view, that very few people are really willing to embrace the real truth about God for fear of what their church will think of them or how their friends and family will treat them.

I feel the same growing pressures myself as I share these exciting, liberating truths that I have been learning and experiencing with those around me. A few are becoming fascinated, intrigued and are starting to explore these things for themselves. But sadly many, even those who are well respected and who have been given positions of trust and leadership over the spiritual direction of others too often react to these new things with fear and suspicion. Rather than choosing to investigate these things through prayer and careful examination of the evidence from the Word of God they often use Scripture simply to reinforce their own dogmas and traditions. They rely on the long established technique of proof-texting which is itself sometimes heavily dependent on using only one version of the Bible to arrive at rather shaky conclusions.

As I read again this passage about Jesus and Lazarus this morning I wondered what might have been going on in the mind of Lazarus as he began to hear about the threats against his life because of his close association with Jesus. I find it rather confusing to even have a clue as to how the mind of a person might operate if they had already died once and been buried for several days to the point of their body beginning to rot away. Then they had been raised to full, vibrant life again and viewed reality and all their relationships through totally different context than any of us have ever experienced. How can I wrap my mind around what that might feel like?

The contrast between the unmistakable joy in the last chapter surrounding the resurrection of Lazarus and the dark forebodings created by the hatred of the religious leaders in this passage is unavoidably clear. Yet how does a person feel who has already died once and who is now being threatened with death again at the hands of others? Does fear have the same power over such a person as it does with us or do they have a unique perspective of reality through their connection and experience with Jesus that insulates them against the petty threats of those who refuse to embrace the truth about God and who see them as the problem rather than themselves? Maybe there are wonderful advantages to having died and being resurrected to give one a completely different frame of reference.

As I opened a devotional book this morning with some of these thoughts of impending trouble ahead circulating through my mind, I found words directed at me from the Spirit confirming that I need to more intentionally embrace these truths in my own life. I must not waver from the direction God has been directing me toward out of fear of those who feel threatened by my testimony about a God who loves us in contrast to the fearful, arbitrary, intimidating God that they believe in. As I read I listened and asked God to impress these instructions and affirmations deep into my heart and mind so that they can provide strength and courage for me when I do face more open opposition to my testimony for Him.

Possibly one of the most important things I have been learning lately is God's attitude of always respecting each person's freedom. God insists that each person needs to be fully convinced in their own heart and mind about what is true without any coercion or threats of punishment on His part if they fail to view things His way. While He gives abundant warnings as to the consequences of choosing other versions of reality or religion, those consequences are in no way to be viewed as arbitrary punishments imposed by an angry God in retaliation for not believing in Him. Rather they are the natural consequences of living out of harmony with the underlying principles of true reality as created by God. Only in harmony with Him can be found true safety and life.

I am becoming increasingly amazed at the grace of God and the perfect harmony of His principles and how merciful He is in holding back so many consequences already that should be destroying our lives. He is seeking in every way possible to get us to know the truth about Him and allow Him to heal our perverted minds and hearts. The dark views of God that pervade the whole world including most people in my own church are full of misconceptions about Him that we have inherited from others and some of these ideas have even been woven into every translation of His Word over the years. Yet we are not left without true witnesses of the real truth about God for it still glows through the pages of Scripture, from nature and particularly from the life of Jesus Christ when it is properly understood and appreciated.

I will close with the message that God gave me this morning as I meditate on the implications of how taking this to heart will influence my future and my destiny.

We need now to arise and shine, for our light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon us. We have no time to talk of self, no time to become like the sensitive plant, that cannot be touched without shrinking. In Jesus Christ is our sufficiency. Will we talk faith? Will we talk of the glorious hope, of the full and abundant righteousness of Jesus Christ, provided for every soul? . . .

The whole heavenly universe is interested, and the love of God is exercised in behalf of His faithful, commandment-keeping people. It is God in whom we must trust. . . . God has the world in His hand. We have God on our side. All heaven is waiting and longing for our cooperation. The Lord is supreme. Why then should we fear? The Lord is almighty; why should we tremble? In the past God has delivered His people, and He will be our helper if we will arise in His strength and go forward.

The Bible and the Bible only is to be our refuge. God is in His Word. {TMK 342}

I Need More Fragrance

Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (John 12:3)

Each time I have read this verse over the past week or so I have been impressed with this phrase about the fragrance filling the house. I have felt conviction that my life is far too devoid of the kind of fragrance that would attract attention, at least the kind of attention that would cause others to want to become better acquainted with Jesus for themselves.

It has been coming to my attention increasingly over the past few years is that far more important than obsessing over getting my behavior in line with the law of God, the real issue has to do with the condition of my spirit and the atmosphere surrounding me that affects others. It is far too easy to just keep up appearances and work hard at looking like a good church Christian while failing to grow in true grace and making my life a genuine blessing to others.

Observing the messy kind of life that Mary had and yet seeing how her passion for Jesus seemed to connect her with His heart more than anyone else in the Bible has really piqued my interest. My heart wants to experience some of the passion that I see in Mary's story. Sometimes I have wondered if having that kind of depth and intensity of passion for God requires that I first be involved in a life of sin equivalent to hers. I have considered that option at times in my past but decided that it probably wasn't worth the risk of plunging into sin just to have the perspective of being rescued dramatically. What if I didn't make it back to God for some reason? Choosing to indulge in intense pleasures of sin not only would permanently damage and scar my own life but would endanger and wound many other hearts as well. I don't believe God favors this kind of option.

Yet coming to know God with the depth of intensity that I perceive in Mary's passion for Jesus is a very enviable thing. How can I, a person who grew up religious, taught the right doctrines and trained to do the 'right thing' and keep up the right appearances – how can I come to know Jesus and have my own heart catch on fire like what I see in Mary's experience? It has always seemed to me that it is far more difficult for a Pharisee-type person like me to come into intimacy with Jesus than for an open sinner to come into a passionate relationship with Him. While this may not be impossible it seems to be much more difficult. But that is the path that I have chosen and I want to be drawn into a much deeper relationship with the heart of God than I have yet experienced.

This morning I opened the devotional I have been reading this year only to find reinforcement for the conviction I have been receiving about this issue of personal fragrance. I don't think it is a coincidence as God has been faithful to communicate regularly to me things relevant to my needs for growing in grace. I find a number of significant elements that I have been learning over the past few years in this quotation that I would like to incorporate into my own life as well as addressing things that need correcting.

Love is the principle that underlies God's government in heaven and on earth, and this love must be interwoven in the life of the Christian. The love of Christ is not a fitful love; it is deep, and broad, and full. Its possessor will not say, "I will love only those who love me." The heart that is influenced by this holy principle will be carried above everything of a selfish nature.

Even among professing Christians there are persons who are always on the watch for something at which to take offense. If their friends are absorbed in matters that require their attention and have no time to devote to them, they feel slighted and injured.... Their lives are like the gorgeous flowers which possess no fragrance. Much to be preferred is the simple, unpretending blossom that blesses with its sweet odor those who come in contact with it.

Instead of finding fault with others, these persons should seek to become lovely by putting on Christ.... The character of Christ is the standard which the Christian is to keep before him. His aim should be to possess those graces that were exemplified in the life of Christ in humanity....

The religion of Jesus Christ is not merely to prepare us for the future immortal life; it is to enable us to live the Christ life here on earth. Jesus is not only our pattern, He is also our friend and our guide, and by taking hold of His strong arm and partaking of His Spirit, we may walk "even as he walked." {TMK 298}

I keep coming back to an awareness that one of my greatest weaknesses that I inherited from my family is the habit of fault-finding. It comes so naturally to me that it is difficult to stop, at least internally. My default reaction to many situations is to look for the negative, to play the devil's advocate. At the same time I often find it hard to feel spontaneously grateful, to appreciate the good in others and to affirm them liberally. I don't like this weakness at all and I want to become free of the selfishness that underlies it and reinforces it. Yet this tendency is extremely deep-rooted in my nature and I have to struggle against it constantly.

What I see in these references is admonition for me personally. I can see that my life is largely devoid of the fragrance of Jesus and that I need much more of Jesus inside of my own heart. Learning all kinds of wonderful truths certainly has its value, but unless these insights work into the deeper regions of my heart and begin to produce fruit that looks more like Jesus, they can become liabilities. I want much more of the spirit and disposition that was seen in the way Jesus treated people. I need the kind of spirit and atmosphere that attracted people like Mary, one whom nearly everyone scorned and marginalized, to feel safe to come close to and be around. I want the sensitivity and kindness, gentleness, compassion and forgiving spirit that will cause wounded people to feel safe to come close and develop trust. I want to exhibit the attributes that people saw in Jesus but were so rare in religious people.

Unfortunately right now I feel more like the description of the gorgeous flower devoid of fragrance, but even that hardly fits me for I certainly am not even gorgeous in any respect. I live a respectable life, try to stay out of trouble pretty much and seek to imitate Jesus' life by treating others fairly. Many look at me and believe I am a reasonably decent Christian, but that is not what I want to be. I want to become a passionate friend of Jesus, a person obsessed with devotion to Him like I see in Mary's example. I am tired and dissatisfied with mediocre living and yet I feel trapped in it. I want a radical personal encounter with Jesus that will open my eyes, soften my heart and help me to escape the average. I want to quit living in the rut and move into a high-risk life of faith out on the edge where the real excitement is and where I can feel like I am really thriving and bearing a more authentic testimony for the kind of God I have been coming to discover.

Hidden Odor

Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of His disciples, who was intending to betray Him, said, "Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and given to poor people?" (John 12:3-5)

This disturbs me.

This exposes me.

This challenges me.

I see in this passage a very clear contrast between two attitudes that run very deep and that are in total antagonism with each other. And what bothers me is that I see far too much of the negative attitudes of Judas in my own heart more than the sweet fragrance that emanated from the heart and the hands of Mary in this story.

John crafted this story about the anointing far differently than any other version of it in the other gospel accounts. He left out nearly all of the negative aspects of the story and presented it almost idealistically. But it was not because he was trying to gloss over the ugliness of some of the characters involved but I believe because he wanted to make some of the most important points even more emphatic and clear.

I have started to see that John may well have been suggesting an alternative narrative to the previous story by paralleling these two chapters so closely. In doing so he wanted to suggest in the way he presented this story how things could have gone if Martha and Mary and others involved would have chosen to focus on the goodness of Jesus even in the midst of their grief instead of being so overwhelmed by doubting attitudes of the unbelieving Jews around them. If that had happened this feast could have happened in Martha and Mary's house and might have been recorded in the last chapter in connection with the resurrection of Lazarus. That scenario presents some very real and exciting alternatives to how that story might have unfolded differently than it did.

There is another aspect of this story that is very easy to miss in our distance from it. It is very hard for us to imagine the popularity that Judas enjoyed among the disciples before his true character was exposed at the very last minute. It is the same issues we have trying to wrap our minds around how so many people could have been so enamored with Hitler before his true nature was finally exposed. If one carefully studies history or talks with someone who lived before World War 2 they would learn that Hitler was extremely popular, not only in his own country but with many of the nations that later went to war against him. He presented hope for the people of Germany when it seemed all hope was lost. He launched expansive programs to rebuild a devastated country and improved the economy dramatically. He started the Volkswagen company – the car of the people – which still thrives to this day. He began building the superhighways still popular in Europe and did many other things to improve the lives of his countrymen.

It is hard for us now to imagine supporting Hitler because of what we know about him after the war. But before his true character became evident he did a masterful job of manipulating the media and keeping up appearances to solicit massive public support for his ideas and programs. Even his own perceptions evolved over time. He did not start out as a desperately wicked tyrant bent on murdering millions of people, but the effects of his selfish choices one after another had the effect of leading him down a path that ended in producing one of the negative icons of history.

So too, Judas was not an obvious candidate for a person lined up to join Hitler and other ruthless dictators of history when the disciples knew him as one of their trusted friends. He was actually the most promising candidate for success in their eyes and they often looked to him for guidance and were influenced by his political astuteness. Judas was more educated than possibly all the other disciples combined and wasn't afraid to let people know of his superiority. He was gifted in many ways and had natural advantages that the other disciples did not enjoy. Because of this he was strategically positioned to be a natural leader and could have in fact been a great asset to Jesus except for one thing.

Judas' downfall was not that he was a naturally bad person more than anyone around him. All of us have the same capacity and bent toward betraying Jesus just as much as Judas whether we perceive it or not. If we think we are in less danger of making the same choices as Judas we deceive ourselves and are in desperate need of serious conviction by the Spirit of God. Peter too, denied Jesus when things came down to desperate conditions and he consequently felt that it was no longer possible for him to be considered a disciple ever again until Jesus dramatically restored confidence in him after the resurrection. I believe Peter came very close to suicide after Jesus died and was only prevented from doing so through direct intervention from Jesus though this is scantly recorded.

The difference between Judas and Peter was the inner condition of their heart, not the outward actions or mistakes they made. Judas repeatedly resisted the tenderness, the humility, the true picture of God that Jesus sought to impress upon him. Repeatedly his heart was warmed and moved by the incredible kindness and compassion of Jesus in various situations, yet because of his deep-rooted selfishness and pride and his refusal to give up his preconceived ideas about what God was like, he, like the other Jewish leaders that he wanted to impress, disqualified his own heart and destroyed his own capacity to repent in the end. By continuing to choose over and over his own way instead of responding to the love of Jesus repeatedly offered him, Judas hardened his heart and the end result was the betrayal that emerged to the shock and surprise of all who had known him except for Jesus.

When John here contrasts the spirit of Mary and the spirit of Judas in these verses I believe he is seeking to put into sharp relief the difference between the kingdom of darkness and the kingdom of light. Judas at that time was still very popular among the disciples and they much admired him. On the other hand they were also influenced by his hypocrisy and shared some of his disgust and disdain for others who did not measure up to his supposedly high standards. Like the religious leaders, most of the people in this story still had suspicion for Mary who had spent so much of her life prostituting herself and living shamefully. It was no secret how immorally Mary had spent much of her life and that kind of reputation has a way of clinging to one's reputation particularly around professedly religious crowds.

What most people in this story failed to see was the true character of Jesus as well as the transformation that had happened in Mary's life. They failed almost completely to perceive the power of Jesus' love to transform a person from any level of hopelessness, wickedness or weakness to a child of God free of their past life of sin. What they failed to perceive was that most of them were actually far more guilty of sin and were resisting the truth about God far more than Mary was at this point. What most of them did not realize was that Simon the Pharisee in whose house this feast was taking place had likely been the very one who had first exploited Mary as a young, pretty woman that resulted in her plunging her into a life of immorality in the first place. It is also possible that Judas, the son of Simon, was likely infected to a great degree by his father's hypocrisy but like his father was able to manipulate public perceptions to make them look good compared to people like Mary.

John may be seeking in these passages to rise above the confusion and intrigue behind what was going on here to get to the real issues involved. The greater issues are still ones that we often miss yet today when we read these stories without heavenly perception. The way heaven views these things is much more oriented around the condition of the spirit of each person, not the history of their past failures. The previous chapter reveals the struggles that Mary and her sister went through in their desire to believe in Jesus and how they were growing in their trust in Him. Now when Jesus came back to town after their brother had been raised to life it only made sense to want to throw Him a party in gratitude for who He was and what He had just done for them.

In parallel to the beginning of chapter 11 I see all three individuals from this family mentioned here again. Martha is doing her usual taking care of the hospitality part and making sure all the food is in order. Lazarus is fellowshipping with Jesus and simply enjoying being alive again, obviously indebted to Jesus for his very existence. And the way John presents it Mary is doing what she does best as expressed through her personality – she is worshiping Jesus and showering affection and appreciation on Him far beyond what anyone else is willing to do.

Each of these people are relating to Jesus positively but in their own unique individuality. That is what God wants all of us to do. Until Judas inserts his dump of shame on Mary and injects his evil insinuations into the story things are looking like a well-planned celebration of the goodness of God. I don't think it is a mistake to see John's version of this story from this viewpoint. I believe John wanted to convey something important to us about how each one of us can relate to Jesus in our own context but in a spirit that is united with each other in love, gratitude and deep appreciation for our very lives.

The sharp contrast that is suddenly brought into view with the introduction of Judas into the story is even more ugly when compared with the spirit of these three siblings. The insinuations Judas makes are actually shocking if one stops to think about it. Judas is in effect saying that Jesus is not worthy of such an expensive gift and that Mary is stupid for making the choice to waster her money on Him like this. He also wants to shame her publicly, humiliate her, putting her down in order to make himself look better by contrast. This is always what happens when we lose perspective of reality due to pride and selfishness. We fail to appreciate the true value of life as revealed in Jesus and His character and instead focus on money, on influence, on political advantage and power and prestige.

Selfishness had so infected the heart of Judas by this point that he was nearly past the point of no return. He had become blinded to reality and had infected the other disciples to a great extent with his perverted views of what is important. As he saw Jesus receiving the affections of Mary without resistance, his own selfishness and ingratitude became so exposed that he felt compelled to divert any possible attention away by shifting everyone's focus to questioning the motives of Mary.

It was easy to twist the actions of Mary in order to indict her in the eyes of those who were watching. But in doing so Judas (along with his father Simon) were actually attacking Jesus. In the comment of Judas it becomes evident that he had no corresponding appreciation for the character of Jesus like these three siblings had. The heart of Judas had become so hardened from repeated resistance to the goodness of God that he was unable to appreciate the value of forgiveness or even desire it for himself like Mary did. He had lived in deception for so long, both of others and of himself, that he had lost his ability to see reality the way others around him were beginning to see it. The spirit of fault-finding, criticism and negative thinking along with dark pictures of God shared by most around him had blinded Judas to the true condition of his own heart and he was about to commit high treason against the very Son of God without realizing what he was doing.

In other versions of this same story Jesus stated that this event would go everywhere in the world that the gospel would go through the very end of time. I believe that John wanted to make sure that this story was properly understood and that we would grasp the true nature of what took place and the true nature of the people involved. Instead of Mary being the bad person in this story with her identity linked to her dubious past, it was Judas who was the real problem, the one with an unconverted heart. History would soon show that Judas was the villain, not Mary like everyone thought at the time. Even John himself did not yet see this while the story was taking place but he wanted to make the point clear years later as he recorded his version of the life of Jesus.

Fabulous Feast

Jesus, therefore, six days before the Passover, came to Bethany where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they made Him a supper there, and Martha was serving; but Lazarus was one of those reclining at the table with Him. Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (John 12:1-3)

I have been meditating on this story this morning and wondering why John reported it so benignly as it reads here. Given the scandalous, insulting way both Jesus and Mary were treated in what actually took place when seen from the perspective of the other gospels, why did John choose to present such a brief and almost idealistic version of this event?

As I meditated on it and listened for insights from the Spirit, it began to soak in that this is yet another revelation of how Jesus sees all of us and relates to us. John's version of this story is not a case of ignorance or apathy or seeking to manipulate facts to further a selfish agenda, but the reality is that God is fundamentally committed to drawing us to Him in every way possible with the greatest patience, kindness and tact. What purpose is served by exposing the faults of the guilty parties involved here? It is true that the feast was held in Simon's house and not in the home of Lazarus as in the story I wrote last time. I find this a little curious to start with and wonder what some of the background politics were involved in that decision. I suspect there was plenty of social maneuvering and influence manipulation going on behind the scenes and that the Lazarus' family may not have been completely satisfied with the outcome. Yet John quite likely aware of all this still chooses to portray this feast almost as if it were conducted with the purest motives, free of the tensions and gaffes more fully reported by the other writers.

If John's account were the only one we had we might easily be led to think that Mary had no stigma attached to her reputation. Aside from the rude comment of Judas which John notes, it might look like Mary's anointing of Jesus was just part of the scheduled proceedings that were designed to honor Jesus in every way possible. I had never noticed this before today and I find it curious that John so carefully masks out most of the intrigue and shame and censure that actually occurred.

I seriously wonder if John didn't portray this feast using this perspective to hint to the reader what could have taken place in the previous story if different choices had been made there. But beyond that I wonder what other lessons might be extracted from this idyllic picture involving each member of the family of Lazarus. This is such a positive story that stands in stark contrast to our penchant for wanting to know as much as possible about all the intrigue and the lurid details in stories that we hear. Our society is so addicted to airing the dirty laundry of others, we have such a strong appetite for drama and exposing the failings of others that we tend to view this version of the story as almost incomplete.

But I don't think it was an oversight on the part of John when he wrote this story the way that he did. John may be wanting to set the record straight about Mary after so many years of slights about her reputation. John may have been wanting to portray Mary from the perspective of heaven rather than to keep referring to her past life of prostitution as if that were the label that she would never be able to shake off.

From the other accounts of this story it appears that Jesus too, wanted to correct our thinking about Mary, for He seemed to indicate that Mary's grasp of the gospel and her relationship to Him was closer to what He has in mind for all of us than what most Christians tend to assume constitutes holiness. Religious people tend to think of religion in terms of outward behavior, of measuring the life by a list of do's and don'ts and looking at each other through critical eyes. But Jesus always seemed more intent on drawing out the heart and noting the condition of people's spirit.

What I find here is a story about a person who has such an overwhelming passion for Jesus that they are willing to expose themselves to any risk in order to pour out their love and affection on Him. Mary's passion for Jesus is reflective in some respects for her natural tendency toward passion in all of her life. In the past her passion had been abused and had become distorted. She had been terribly damaged and deeply wounded both by other's treatment of her and through her own choices to seek satisfaction and survival through immoral choices. But I sense that Mary was a person who could hardly hold herself back from living from her heart even after it had been abused and damaged repeatedly. And in that respect I admire her greatly.

What I have observed over the years is that the idea of living from the heart seems to produce the greatest resistance in people. There is such enormous pressure, particularly in religion, to keep up appearances, to conform to social or legalistic expectations and living from the heart is not viewed very favorably. But God designed us to live passionately from our hearts and to do anything else is to be less than truly human. To live from our head without having our hearts fully engaged is to live a damaged and severely handicapped existence from heaven's perspective. Jesus received the greatest resistance from those who had perfected the art of living by rules while suppressing and hardening their hearts.

Mary, on the other hand, was one of the rare examples of a person who was willing to live out on the edge. All of her life she had felt compelled to live a raw, exciting life full of passion that cannot be hidden. This kind of living full of passion for love and life is so electrifying and compelling to others who are unwilling themselves to live in the same way that such a one is often is viewed as a threat. How many times have we been warned against hanging around people who have this kind of charisma and who are almost irresistible? Yet this very magnetic attraction may be a God-given trait that is largely missing from most of our lives.

As I have noted before, I sense that Martha was much more of a person who was a thinker more than a person full of passion like her sister. Yes, Martha was certainly a performer and spent much of her life trying to do the right thing. But her sister had a very different personality that likely often got her into trouble. Her passion for life and even the look on her face and the sparkle in her eye must have constantly conveyed messages of a passion for living that few people show. This presents a real problem when that passion is taken advantage of by others and exploited for selfish, debased desires.

Yet with all the problems that Mary experienced throughout her life, Jesus saw her as one of the best examples of what He desires all of us to experience in our lives. Jesus designed us to live in joy and passion more than many of us are willing to admit. We tend to gravitate toward a far more conservative position and like to portray God as one who is more intent on squeezing us into a mold of proper performance and submission to rules rather than experiencing a passionate love affair with other hearts. Even to speak in such ways tends to scandalize many people trapped in typical religious thinking.

But in this story I see John trying to make the record more balanced and accurate. John may be suggesting here that we all have different personalities that are acceptable to God and that complement each other. Martha was not a person to pour out her affections publicly on Jesus like Mary, yet in her own way she was showing her love to Him in ways that fit her individuality. Likewise Lazarus was not sitting at Jesus' feet weeping over Him and splashing perfume all over the place but was sitting with Him in a seat of honor. Yet that does not imply in the least that his own heart was not just as connected in love to the heart of Jesus as was Mary's.

In this version of the story John seems to want us to see this feast more from the perspective of heaven and to see each of these siblings on an equal basis by not mentioning Mary's former reputation like the other accounts bring out. Only Judas is mentioned in a negative light here, and that too is part of John's seeking to set the record straight and to help us perceive that heaven views things very different than how we see them.

In contrast to Mary, Judas had been very highly esteemed in the minds of all the other disciples the whole time they had known him. We struggle to wrap our minds around this idea because we are so accustomed to thinking of Judas as the bad guy in the story. Yet in contemporary public perception up until the very last moments of his life, Judas was considered one most likely to succeed. He was talented, suave and had great people skills. He had natural and acquired capabilities that ensured he would be successful in life and he had good political connections he could use for his advantage. All of these things elicited the admiration of the other disciples who looked up to him.

Interestingly Jesus was likely the only one who really knew the condition of the heart of Judas most of that time, and yet Jesus never sought to expose the hypocrisy and failings of Judas or to publicly humiliate him. This is one of the clearest examples of how God relates to sinners in consistent kindness rather than resorting to shame and condemnation like so many of us tend to do. These words to Judas were actually the very first time in all their association together that Jesus had ever rebuked Judas, but even then it only served to trigger Judas to become resentful and angry rather than appreciate the kindness Jesus had shown him for so long. If anything reinforces the kindness and graciousness of God it is the history of how Jesus related to Judas and even allowed him a place of high trust even while he was completely unworthy of that trust.

In his account of this story, John is really reversing the common assumptions about both Mary and Judas from what people thought they were like. Publicly Mary could not escape the tenacious grip of her past reputation as people always thought of her based on her previous identity as a slut, an immoral woman of the streets. Yet in contrast Judas had carefully cultivated his own manicured reputation to make it appear that he was nearly flawless while often drawing attention to the failings of those around him. But at the heart level Jesus saw things just the opposite from what others saw, and here John is helping us see that heaven's view is usually very different than how we are used to perceiving things.

I find myself longing to know more of the passion of Mary for Jesus. Yet at the same time I am aware that to exhibit such passion publicly carries with it enormous liabilities. At this point in my life I still live under the bondage of fear of what others think of me rather than living in the freedom that God desires for me to enjoy in His presence. I pray that God will set me free of these galling, wounding chains that keep me imprisoned and that soon, very soon, my heart will have enough courage to live honestly, transparently and passionately like Mary lived.

As Martin Luther exclaimed during his most trying hour, “So help me God!”