Discipline or Punishment

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. (1 John 4:18)

I am being confronted ever more closely by commonly accepted paradigms about love, punishment and the truth about how God relates to us. Because all of our intuition, our social norms, our culture and upbringing and our shared 'common sense' beliefs are infected with lies about God due to the distorted assertions of the accuser, it is a constant struggle to embrace truths that seem to fly in the face of what makes sense to us.

In the last day or two I came across a quote on Facebook that grabbed my attention. This is during a time when I am grappling with thoughts stirred up after finishing a book challenging our assumptions about God using violence in any way, shape or form. I am having discussions with people along these lines that raise doubts and serious questions as to how this can really be true. And I have questions of my own that I do not want to ignore, but neither do I want to rely on false criteria to satisfy them.

Here is what I read on the internet that caught my attention. It is a contrast between discipline and punishment and reminded me immediately of the above verse that I have been pondering for quite some time now.

Discipline: Meant to guide and help children, gives children the tools of self regulation. It builds self esteem, respects, heals, encourages, emotionally supports and facilitates trust.

Punishment: Adult Oriented, Imposes Power and Control, Lowers self esteem, Humiliates, Hurts (physically and/or emotionally), Angers, Embarrasses, Discourages, Emotionally abandons, Frustrates.

As I compared these thoughts to what I am learning from John, it suddenly occurred to me how clear this passage is on this topic.

In verse 8 John states explicitly that God is love. Most of us won't argue with that but we generally either are ready to list exceptions to it or choose to redefine the meaning of love to include some elements of violence when considered necessary. But even non-Christians are struggling with this issue because violence and force somehow don't seem to make sense as a legitimate description of love. Violence is related to the word violate which seems to be more closely associated with sin than with rightousness. We are quick to talk about violations of various laws as being wrong. Yet when it comes to violence we seem reluctant to embrace the idea that God refuses to resort to such methods and instead may use ways that are beyond our current appreciation or comprehension at this point.

I know that in my own upbringing it was acceptable to use violence, as in spanking, to punish children for nonconformity to parental expectations. I also know that my brother to this day insists that I did not have near enough of this treatment and as a result I have been malformed in my character. Yet this whole belief that violence is an integral part of God's plan for our lives seems to conflict with the clear messages about Him that I find in the writings of John.

If God is love and pure agape love cannot exist if anything dilutes it, then the above verse seems to preclude punishment being involved in the tactics of anyone choosing to live in true love. The purpose of punishment is to instill fear and depends on sufficient fear to be induced so as to deter the recipient of the punishment and others observing it from making any more choices similar to what brought about the punishment. This is the common logic for applying punishment. But though it may sound logical to many, its effect on the heart is always more damaging than beneficial.

I say this from tragic personal experience, both my own and that of those I have punished. Yet the problem that I struggle with is that because I have never been mentored by anyone who could demonstrate any viable alternative methods based on real love for effectively dealing with rebellion and resistance to authority, my brain has very little to draw on in times of stress created by disruptive behavior by others. I still don't have the answers that everyone wants to know on these issues.

Yet just because I cannot envision viable alternatives to using punishment, force and violence because of my own sad lack of resources does not imply that they do not exist. This is the problem I believe we have with trying to perceive a God who does not need to resort to violence in spite of all the reports about Him recorded in Scripture that seem to imply the opposite. This is where the real dispute sharpens, for as soon as assertions about a non-violent God are raised, many are sure to ask about specific incidents in the Bible where it is assumed God did in fact employ violence to get His way.

But this is often where the discussion gets off on the wrong track. We want to argue about whether or not reports about God using violence are accurate or not while neglecting to face the much clearer statements about what God is like from His own Son who came to show us the truth about Him. And as one of the closest confidants of Jesus, John seemed to have the clearest grasp on the truths that Jesus tried to convey more than any other Bible writer. So why do we find it so hard to believe what John so urgently seeks to get across to us about God?

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. It seems clear here that God, who is love, is not compatible with fear in any way. In fact, John is stating here that anyone who is still involved or addicted to using fear has still missed the main point of the gospel; they are not yet perfected or matured in love. This verse shows unequivocally that fear and punishment are intimately associated with each other and both of them are outside the boundaries of what is acceptable for anyone wanting to live in love.

It is starting to become clearer to me that the enemy of our souls will stop at nothing to discredit love. It has been reported that he even denies its very existence and this fact is evident when one considers the wide variations of how people define the word. Almost no one is willing to believe that God is as loving and selfless and humble and kind as Jesus made Him out to be. We seem hell-bent on diluting the purity and intensity of an agape love that so challenges our sense of reality, assaults our common sense and challenges everything we have ever assumed or learned from religion.

I have come to believe that fear, along with deception, is our greatest enemy intended to keep us away from God, our only source of life. That is why I am so compelled to seriously question the assertions by sincere Christians that there has to be allowance made for a certain amount of fear and even punishment and force to deal with problems that sin creates. But because this directly contradicts these plain statements about God by one of the disciples who came to best know Him, I feel that the weight of evidence is stronger in favor of believing in a non-violent God than in the more traditional and religiously acceptable views about Him.

That does not mean that everything attributed to God throughout the Bible does not raise serious questions that need to be grappled with. But it does mean that the basis and underlying assumptions about what criteria we use to evaluate those reports must first be put on a solid footing before launching into any investigation about why certain stories read the way they do. What appears certain on the surface in many of these stories can quickly change when one is willing to ask tough questions, dig deeper into the context and particularly when Jesus Christ is made the highest and primary criteria for determining what is true and what is false about the nature of God.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. (1 John 1:5-6) When we try to weave dark views of God back into the clear revelation found in the life of Jesus, we are in danger of being liars according to John. No matter how religiously correct or plausible or logical it may seem, it is very hazardous to insist that God participates in activities and methods that originated from the father of lies and violence.

An even greater danger is that as we smugly rest on our arguments in favor of justifying our diluted opinions about God and His ways, we actually construct obstacles inside of us that inhibit our own growth and prevent that very love from maturing in our own lives. By denying that God is as perfect and selfless as He claims to be we also dim the image of Him that we reflect and open the door to potential choices to use violence when we come into extreme circumstances ourselves.

I have come to see that this is the real power as well as the scandal of the truth about the cross of Jesus. Rather than being a symbol of a violent God pouring out His wrath and anger about sin onto His Son to appease Himself, the cross is the most extreme exhibition of self-control, compassion and selfless, forgiving love that has ever been witnessed under the most extreme environment of duress designed to induce the very opposite. The fact that Jesus did not resort to even a desire for violence or retaliation during all of that treatment should be the clearest conviction about the fallacy of our insistence on justifying violence and punishment and fear as valid methods to use in any of our relationships.

I believe the underlying reason we are so loathe to give up our beliefs in a God who at times is willing to resort to violence is that we want to vindicate ourselves for times when we fail to respond in agape love but rather react in self-defense or entertain feelings of resentment and desires for revenge. As long as we can claim that there are times when God chose to react in any of these ways, we can justify our own natural desire for self-preservation and self-defense with an excuse we are following His example. But the Old Testament is not completely a reliable revelation of the real truth about God, for it is shrouded in the shadows of misapprehensions and misunderstandings about Him that were never cleared until the true Example finally came in person to show us the Father.

Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.... (Hebrews 1:1-3 ESV)

For the Law, since it has only a shadow of the good things to come and not the very form of things, can never, by the same sacrifices which they offer continually year by year, make perfect those who draw near. (Hebrews 10:1)

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:8-10, 12-13 NIV)