Facets of Unbelief

Jesus said, "Remove the stone." Martha, the sister of the deceased, said to Him, "Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days." (John 11:39)

He said... she said.

He says, but I say...

Nearly every time I open to this passage now these words of Jesus are the first thing that jump out to grab my attention. And every time I read them I feel a conviction that I am still not really grasping enough of their significance and applying it for my own life.

There is far more in here than I am seeing, and I am seeing a lot already. But it is not so much logical explanations or expositions that need to be exposed in this passage as it is heart messages and warnings about intellectualizing truth instead of believing. And God knows that is a real struggle for me.

Jesus said, "Remove the stone."

Jesus says – and keeps saying – to remove whatever obstacles keep blocking Him from doing what seems to me to be nearly impossible. Yet like Martha I keep going back to what is logical, what makes more sense from my frame of reference.

How many times I find myself telling God about my feelings of worthlessness, how much my habits and history inhibit my ability to change, how stuck I feel. Yet He patiently keeps reminding me that my view of reality is not only very limited but is terribly distorted and biased by many factors, not the least of which is my deeply-ingrained selfishness. But I suspect that possibly the biggest obstacle is my unbelief, my lack of confidence to trust that God always knows best and actually loves me no matter how circumstances may make me feel. I feel very uneasy to let go and my wanting to stay in control of my own life causes me to argue with God instead of joyfully rushing to push away the stones guarding the dark places of my heart.

Stones/rocks were symbols of God all throughout the Old Testament. So when Jesus commanded to have the stone pushed aside He was in essence also asking people to push aside their preconceived ideas about God and allow Jesus to introduce them to the real truth about God.

Jesus says,

Let go of your ideas of what I am like and let me show you something radically new, fresh and life-changing about myself.

But I say,

Lord, You don't completely understand my situation. You don't know how bad things really are in my heart. If I take away the defenses that protect others from seeing what's inside me the stench will be overwhelming and others will see how bad I really am and will not like me anymore. I don't think that is a very good idea, Jesus.

Jesus says,

Remove the habits and crutches that provide you with a false illusion of security, that you depend on for your sense of identity is not what I want you to trust. It is necessary for you to let of of your resistance to my entrance before I can introduce a new infusion of life into the dark, rotting, shameful places deep inside of you.

But I say,

Lord, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. How am I supposed to know what You might do if I move this protective stone and make myself so vulnerable? Other people are around here too and I would be terribly humiliated if they also see what is really deep inside that I have been hiding so successfully.

Jesus says,

Remove the stone that is so hardening your heart that God doesn't have permission to intervene in your life. Trust me on this, for it is only in trusting and obeying even when your feelings and fears all pressure you in the opposite direction that you will be able to see and experience the real power and glory of God.

But I say...

Well, just how long do I want to keep playing this dangerous game of hiding my ugliness from God anyway? I said previously that I wanted Him to come and heal me, to fix my situation. But He didn't do it the way I wanted Him to and now I am a bit miffed with Him. O.K. I am really upset with Him if I am willing to admit how I feel deep down inside.

Why wasn't He here when I wanted and needed Him most? Why doesn't He answer my prayers and give me relief from my pain, my shame, my confusion when I ask? Why does He seem to wait so long before He even shows up, and then when He does come He wants to do everything different than what I expect Him to do for me? And why doesn't He just communicate the way I want Him to and come out and explain to me clearly what He plans to do so I won't be kept guessing as to how to plan my life?

Oh, this is resonating all too deeply in my own heart even as I write these things. I find it flowing from my mind so easily that I can't hide the fact that I am really quite in sympathy with Martha more than with the perspective of Jesus. But then, I sense that I first must get totally honest before I can move forward very much. Jesus did not condemn Martha for resorting to logic and trying to reason with Him from her very limited mindset. But neither did He allow her to remain unchallenged in her assumptions or have the last word. Rather He challenged her to let Him be the definer of what is real, what is possible and what is true. He wants to have our trust no matter what.

Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" (John 11:40)