When to Grumble

Grumbling. Complaining. Criticizing. Fault-finding.

All of these things seem to be so natural for many of us, myself especially. In fact, they unfortunately come so easy that they seem as natural as breathing sometimes, and the extent of these temptations are far more pervasive than can be noticed many times. The more I become aware of this problem within myself the more I catch myself reacting to people or circumstances inwardly with an instant desire to look for what is wrong or expose someone else's weaknesses.

The history of the Children of Israel in the wilderness under the guidance of Moses is one of the most classic examples of grumbling ever written. In fact, their grumbling seemed so incessant that it is quite easy to distance ourselves from them and think that we don't have near the problem that they did. After all, our bouts with complaining are not near so offensive or widespread as theirs was – or is that really the case?

It is always much easier to see faults in the lives of others, either today or in illustrations from the Scriptures. Indeed, the Bible was handed down to us precisely for this purpose, to show through many and varied circumstances how God deals with people and how people deal with God and with each other. Because the Bible writers tend to spin the stories considerably different than our news organizations today might do them, we see much more clearly the problems created and the offensiveness of this deeply embedded habit of complaining and grumbling and how it can eat away at our relationship with God.

The Jews in Jesus' day had the same disease as their forefathers many generations before them had, and little has changed even in our lives today. If I am willing to be honest, open, vulnerable and responsive to the convicting of the Holy Spirit in my own heart, I have to admit that I too could be discerned as one who too easily complains, looks for faults in others to make myself look better or generally doubts God's good intentions for me when circumstances seem to point the opposite direction. Like the complaining Jews, it is all to easy for me to side with the insinuations of Satan rather than seek for the real truth and for reconciliation.

Therefore the Jews were grumbling about Him, because He said, "I am the bread that came down out of heaven."

Jesus answered and said to them, "Do not grumble among yourselves."

Then the Jews began to argue with one another, saying, "How can this man give us His flesh to eat?" Therefore many of His disciples, when they heard this said, "This is a difficult statement; who can listen to it?" But Jesus, conscious that His disciples grumbled at this, said to them, "Does this cause you to stumble?" (John 6:41, 43, 52, 60-61)

I noticed something curious recently as I meditated on these verses that I had not thought about before. It is what Jesus did not say rather than what He did say that caught my attention. It might be easy to miss, but when Jesus told these people to quit grumbling among themselves, He did not tell them to quit grumbling altogether. That may sound a bit strange at first, but given some of the things I have learned over the years it sounds like something I should seriously look closer at to discover an important truth that I may need.

One of the worst things about grumbling and fault-finding is the social context in which it is normally conducted. I have been on the receiving end of this recently so it may be a bit more fresh in my thinking than normally. A number of people have engaged in surmising things about me that are not true and have chosen to spread malicious rumors about me amongst themselves without ever bothering to come talk to me first to check whether these things may be true or not. As a result a great deal of dissension and division and pain has resulted and our whole group is experiencing great turmoil and tensions right now. I am not the only one they have spread rumors and accusations about, but the results of keeping these things circulating without bothering to follow the instructions of Jesus in Matthew 18 has resulted in serious problems up to this point.

I am sure that I am guilty of doing the same thing many times. I hope that I am learning from my experiences, both from being on the brunt end of things and being made aware of when I do similar things to others. But the bottom line is that much damage is being created maybe more because of the direction of the comments than even the content of the rumors sometimes. Because people refuse to go to the person they are criticizing first to seek clarification and reconciliation, but instead run to others more sympathetic to their way of thinking who will eagerly feed on the juicy gossip, people's reputations are thrown into doubt and many friendships are jeopardized.

There are very solid reasons or principles behind the instructions of Jesus and if we would obey them we would find ourselves in far less difficulties. When Jesus tells us we should go directly to the ones we have a problem with first before talking behind their back with others, He is not saying we should not talk at all about their problems or our concerns about them. He is not saying we should ignore something we think is wrong or gloss over someone's faults. But He does clearly say that we should first go to the person we feel has a fault that we feel needs exposing and give them a chance to either explain themselves or come under conviction from God's Spirit that they are in need of repentance and change.

So I am now starting to see in these statements of Jesus that instead of suppressing all grumbling – which He didn't seem to be necessarily saying in these verses – He was telling these grumblers that they needed to come directly to Him instead of trying to talk to each other hoping He wouldn't notice. Instead of complaining that His words sounded like heresy or were too difficult to appreciate, they should have come to Jesus and asked for clarification. If they had done so the story of the Jews would have progressed dramatically differently.

Jesus at times said things that were very strange and difficult to understand at first. But He did so intentionally, as strange as that may sound at first; but He did that to invite questions, to create curiosity and to elicit inquiries for clarification so that people would dialog with Him and allow Him to lead them into greater light. If they had chosen to grumble directly to Him instead of among themselves He would have been eager to help them understand more clearly what His intended meaning was with His strange statements. But very seldom did either the Jews or even His own disciples come to Him to find out what His real meaning was or what was behind the many stories and illustrations He so often used.

But if I stop and think about it logically, it only makes sense that the answers we imply we are looking for in our grumbling cannot be found with others who may even know less than I do. If I have a problem understanding what someone said or did, the most reliable source for getting the answer to that misunderstanding would be the person themselves, at least if they are an honest person not given to deception and pretense. So going first to other people who likewise are just as mystified as I am to reinforce my confusion about what has happened or was said just makes no sense.

As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. So Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" (John 6:66-67)

What is the natural outcome of keeping our grumbling behind the scenes, of circulating gossip about others or even God without going to the subject of our rumors to check out the facts first? The result is always a tearing apart of relationships and a weakening of the bonds of affection between individuals. It says here that many were not willing to walk with Him anymore. This is one of the saddest things that can ever be said about someone who has been labeled as a disciple. For a disciple by definition is one who is a follower who is learning to imitate the example of the leader they are following. But when we refuse to take our grumbling directly to the one we are talking about with a spirit of seeking to reconcile our misunderstandings, the result is always the breakdown of sacred bonds of love and friendship and the building up of walls of prejudice and separation.

There is one more important point I should not miss in this context. Though there are times when our problem is simply the direction of our grumbling by passing it on to others while failing to give the people we are grumbling about a chance to explain themselves, there is also the times when, even if our grumbling is directed against those are are talking about we are unwilling to listen to their side of the story. We are so bent on promoting our version of the story, so intent on insisting that only our version of the situation is the correct one that we harden our hearts and do not honestly seek true reconciliation based on the truth.

It is at these times that we are so infected with the spirit of the father of all accusers that we pull away from the very Source of life and endanger even our eternal destiny. The spirit of discontent, grumbling, fault-finding and criticism is so toxic that it is one of the most difficult things to cure even by our loving heavenly Father. For when we indulge repeatedly and incessantly in this poisonous spirit, the atmosphere created around us is highly contagious and others inevitably become infected with the same spirit. Then, like a highly infectious virus, the poison of discontent and evil-speaking spreads rapidly and it takes much stronger measures to contain it and repair the damage caused in the hearts of many.

Father, You have shown me in many ways and over a long period of time how much I am in danger of succumbing to this virus. I see it sickening many around me right now and I am in constant danger of reacting by reflecting the same spirit myself. Please keep my focus on the truth about Your goodness, Your constant and irrepressible love, Your perfect ways of dealing with such problems and Your great mercy and patience as we all fall again and again into the trap of offense.

Transform me both in my mind and my spirit to obey the instructions You have given, to follow in Your ways and to cooperate with Your leading in my life. You have said that You are looking for people who are willing to be public experiments of Your grace. God, I want to be one of Your successful experiments for You to display openly how God can take a rebel who has played the religion game for many years and turn that one into a humble, loving servant passionate to bless others. Only Your grace can accomplish this inside of me, but then that is what Your experiments are all about. I give You permission again to do whatever it takes to heal, to transform, to clean out this channel so that Your glory can be better reflected to others and to attract them to want to know You better themselves.

"But I said to you that you have seen Me, and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out." (John 6:36-37)