Exceptional Belief

You do not have His word abiding in you, for you do not believe Him whom He sent. (John 5:38)

I find myself confronted yet again with this verse and my similarity to the condition of the men Jesus was talking to here. These people were very sure that they knew God, yet they found it nearly impossible to believe in the very personification of God in the man Christ Jesus. They stumbled at the very idea that God could have a clone so to speak, just as many Muslims today find that idea untenable. But the real problem even beyond that which is a stumbling block for all of us is that the way Jesus was portraying what God was really like was so radically different than what they believed and taught that they were deeply offended.

I suspect that in these verses Jesus was addressing issue after issue regarding claims or beliefs that these religious leaders had regarding their relationship to God. They were confident that they knew God themselves, that they were relatively expert in being able to share the religion of God with others, that they were so knowledgeable about the Scriptures that they were the world's premier authorities on the subject. It seems from the context that possibly some of them may have even insinuated that they had somehow seen God or had heard His voice which gave them even more clout with the people they swayed with their influence. They were very sure that they had the Word of God abiding in them because they had spent so many years gaining a specialized education in the Scriptures.

Yet Jesus dismantled many of their claims by categorically stating that they didn't really know God like they claimed to know Him. He also caused them to feel insulted by saying that they didn't really have His Word abiding in them like they thought they did regardless of all their degrees or titles. All of the education in religious training universities had proven pointless as far as God was concerned because of one thing – they did not believe the most explicit revelation of the Father ever given to the universe in the life of Jesus, the Son of God become human.

This moves me right back to the main reason why I am immersing myself in this book to start with. I came here wanting to gain a heart experience in knowing God more deeply and believing in Him the way I need to believe. I realize that having my head filled with useful facts about the Bible is not a bad thing and can be a wonderful blessing. I have also been richly privileged to have training from religious schools that taught me much truth about the Bible. But my own personal knowledge of God and the real truth about reality has been only a recent encounter that I feel is only just beginning as I find one thing after another about my assumptions being dismantled by the leading of the Spirit. This continues as I expose myself more intimately to the Word in my quest for the real experience behind religion.

I am back where I started long ago asking the same question, What does it really mean to believe in Jesus? I have thought that I believed for most of my life, but as God has radically readjusted my beliefs about Him, His character, the way He deals with humanity and sinners, I find myself in flux much of the time and very much out of sync with pretty much all other religion as it is commonly practiced. Sometimes I feel the thrill of discovery as I encounter incredible truths that expand my horizons about God and the way He set up things and how He relates to His children. But there are many other times when doubts erode away my assurance and I find myself asking more questions rather than resting in the peace of assurance. It is then that I find myself wondering what I really do believe.

The boldness and even aggressive way that others assert what they insist is the truth about the Bible and about God tends to arouse more questions as I feel uneasy with the spirit in which they present Bible truths many times. I then become aware that my own spirit is in dire need of reform and conversion itself. I feel convicted that though I have been privileged to know a great deal of truth as it is in Jesus beyond what many others may have seen, that these wonderful insights have yet to do the thorough internal work of transformation needed to align my own spirit with what I have been learning about God. I then begin to question whether I have really learned anything at all or if I have just been chasing rabbit trails or am just trying to be unique and distinguish myself from others for self-interest. I am quite confident that many would readily agree with that conclusion, but what I want to know is what God feels about all of this.

It appears to me that part of the problem of these Jews is that they had been caught in the trap of group-think. They had been so carefully trained by others in the educational system that they reflected the same attitudes and prejudices and had the same blind areas that everyone around them had. Schools generally train people to reflect the pervasive beliefs about reality that mark that institution and produce graduates who are more reflectors of other's views of life than producing people who actually learn to listen to what God be saying. The problem lies in that most people are taught that they are actually learning their facts from God through the system while in reality they are merely reflecting the beliefs of those who taught them.

Of course there is always danger of living in constant reaction against the common beliefs held by the majority which can lead to its own set of problems. I have been listening to some speakers recently who have some pretty amazing information about certain churches and organizations that are very compelling and probably are mostly true. However, the spin that they put on that information and the subtle spirit I sense of fault-finding betrays prejudices that are all too familiar to me. I see them pushing an agenda that too often produces more fear and prejudice than it does a deeper intimacy with Jesus and the heart of the Father. This actually causes me some confusion because it seems that while the insights they share are very helpful in sorting out history and clarifying certain areas of deception, the spirit in which some of the material is delivered at times almost counteracts the intended results.

So I am repeatedly forced to go back to ask the same questions again and again. What is God really like? How does He want to convey the truth about Himself to us? How valid and necessary is our emotional involvement with God – if any?

When it comes to the subject of music I feel particularly uneasy with most of the teachings from nearly every source. Either people dismiss the importance and effects of music and just go along with whatever feels good to them or fits their traditional preferences, or they go to the other extreme and condemn others who don't fit their views of what they are sure God demands of His children in this area. Ironically the ones who insist that most everyone else is dangerously deceived (which may well be the case) do little better in providing compelling new ideas and generally rely on their own preferences and prejudices instead of really producing life-giving suggestions.

So I go back to the verse quoted at the beginning and ask in each situation, What does it really mean to believe in Jesus? Does it mean I have to subscribe to the preachers and teachers who have the most convincing arguments? And interestingly, those who are most adamant that we should not allow our emotions to get entangled in our religion are themselves using the emotion of fear to make their points and convince others to follow their lead.

Now that I think of it, maybe that is one of the very things involved in real belief. For it seems to me that the way Jesus related to people was so radically different than the fear-based teachings of both the right and the left that people found Him hard to believe because He was so out of step with how everyone else taught about God.

The liberals talk about love to the exclusion of uncomfortable realities about God and the conservatives almost scorn love, redefining the word and relying mostly on fear to present a God who wants to intimidate people into serving and somehow loving Him. But I find both of them out of harmony with what I have been finding in my own pursuit of truth as it is in Jesus.

So, is my uneasiness and lack of confidence due to chasing down a path of error as many would assert, or is it primarily because I am out of harmony with the spirit of people claiming to be teaching the truth while their rigid attitudes seem out of sync with what I have learning about Jesus myself? And having said that, I am often convicted that my own spirit is very much out of line with the very things I myself have been learning about Jesus as well. This is no small disturbance for my own heart when it becomes evident to me on a frequent basis.

I truly want to know God as it is my privilege to know Him. I want to experience the transformation of life, of spirit, of attitudes in that personal encounter with God that will cause all of my relationships to reveal the real truths about Him like as seen in the interactions of Jesus with those who came in contact with Him. Yet I see this insistent body of flesh, this ever-present spirit of selfishness, this principle of self-preservation always sabotaging what God is doing in me. I find myself struggling to really believe at the depth which I know must happen to really begin to have any significant affect on my witness.

Father, I continue to fill my mind with Scriptures, but I see here that it is nearly useless unless it is constantly accompanied by real belief in the revelation of You in the person of Jesus Christ my Savior. Father, my heart is very resistant to this kind of belief as You know better than I. Each time I come to this place the only option I seem to have, other than giving up altogether, is to throw myself on Your mercy and trust in Your providence to guide my life into a more genuine relationship with You in Your way and in Your time.

Many times I feel like I am not growing at all – and maybe I am not. My heart is so complex that I seldom feel able to even perceive what it actually does believe. You have said that I need to believe with my heart in order to be saved. I sure want to be saved but getting to that place of real belief seems so evasive to me. About all I know to do is simply express how I feel about this and look to You for whatever it takes to bring me into alignment with the real truth about You as revealed in the life and death of Jesus.

So I again cast myself upon Your mercy and ask for greater capacity and willingness to experience the reality of Your kindness. For Your Word says that it is Your kindness that is most effective in bringing me to true repentance. Cause me to really know and embrace Your kindness more than anything else so I can rest in the safety of knowing Your heart and remaining in Your presence no matter what is going on around me.