Has Jesus Slipped Away?

But the man who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had slipped away while there was a crowd in that place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple.... (John 5:13-14)

How many times in my life I have encountered Jesus only to realize later that I really didn't know who it was or where He had gone now that I couldn't see Him clearly anymore.

How many times I have had an assurance, a peace in His presence only to suddenly wake up realizing that it had disappeared without my noticing it and I found myself facing accusers and frightening situations where I desperately needed Him and realized I didn't really know Him the way I needed to know Him.

Jesus slipped away while there was a crowd. How significant might that be in my life?

Is it too crowded in my heart for Jesus to feel comfortable relaxing with me and enjoying intimate conversation?

Am I too caught up with so many other interesting things and people in my new-found health and my ability to do things I could never do before that I let Jesus quietly disappear without keeping track of Him?

Have I failed to really fix my attention on Him from the beginning so as to find out more about His true identity and then suddenly realize that I don't really know Him very well after all?

It was the man who was healed that it says here is the one who did not know Jesus. Ironically the Jewish leaders interrogating him knew quite well who Jesus was and likely had no doubt as to who is was that had caused such a disruption of their Sabbath regulations. But they did not want to admit so openly their own prejudices but wanted to incriminate this man as an accomplice to the crime they wanted to pin on Jesus.

When this newly healed sick man was just starting to enjoy the benefits of freedom and health and new life surging through his body and was likely eager to share his joy with anyone willing to join him, instead he found himself the target of stern-faced religious people who insisted that joy and healing and hope and celebration on the Sabbath was a crime to be punished, not an opportunity to glorify God with excitement.

I find myself at times torn between my inner urges to break out in expressions of joy from what God is doing internally in me, setting me free from my own lifelong soul sicknesses, and bowing to the pressure from religious people around me who often want to suppress such unwelcome expressions as inappropriate, especially in the 'house of God'. I am very familiar with all of these cultural prohibitions but find them a bit suffocating to the natural reactions of my heart in response to the healing that God is doing inside of me.

Unfortunately I see myself very much like this man must have felt when instead of the religious people eager to share in his joy and to join him in praising God, he feels enormous pressure to conform to the traditions and cold formalism that has encased the worship of God over the centuries and that seems impenetrable and impervious to the 'new light' of the gracious works of God in someone's life. But the problem is that it is not just external forces that are having their affect on subduing my joy but internal inhibitions that are everywhere I look inside of me.

When I perceive this happening to me I sense that maybe I don't really know who Jesus is after all as much as I thought I did. I vaguely remember seeing Him looking at me with pity and compassion in the past and giving me an amazing gift of life and freedom from my bondage, but right now I feel enormous pressure to slip back into the conformity of the status quo and begin to not only forget the true identity of Jesus but I am in danger of even forgetting my own true identity that Jesus may have revealed to me back in that marvelous moment of encountering grace.

But this text tells me something else very important. This man did not reconnect with Jesus by rushing around the city frantically trying to find Jesus somewhere and latching onto Him. It says very clearly that it was Jesus that found him and spoke both words of encouragement and warning so that he would retain the wonderful gift of wholeness and new life that he had so recently embraced.

I may be able to become aware that I have lost track of Jesus temporarily and that I am in serious trouble now with those who are upset that I am disturbing the public 'peace'. But unless Jesus takes the initiative and searches me out yet again, I will never be able to find Him on my own.

Everything in salvation is initiated with God. Yes, each one of us has choices to make in response to His initiative in our lives, but we are never the first to move toward healing and wholeness. Everything that we think and do and all the options that we can exercise always come after God has initiated some opportunity to enable us to respond with faith in His gracious heart towards us.

Jesus saw this man lying near the pool in the first place and came to offer His compassion to Him in a very tangible and life-changing way. But the healed man very quickly lost track of Jesus before he really had time to know His identity very well and then quickly found himself at odds with religious society around him.

But Jesus had not forgotten him at all and was keenly and sympathetically aware of what this man was going through with the Jewish leaders. But He allowed him to again feel his need of grace before He again revealed Himself to the man and gave him yet another opportunity to know God at an even deeper level now that he felt a deeper need.

This has been my repeated experience through the years as my intimacy and knowledge of Jesus has increased. It seems to be a familiar cycle of growth where I experience some level of healing and then have a short period of joy before I am then confronted with circumstances that expose even deeper needs or faults or fears that need a whole new level of healing. Sometimes I find that Jesus has slipped away in the crowd again and I find myself in great need of Him to find me again and calm my heart and reassure me of His love and even give me warnings when necessary. But all of this is His way of getting me to know His heart even better and to strengthen my bonds of affection with Him.

Thank-you Jesus for not forgetting me when I feel attacked by people who are supposed to be the ones to nurture me instead of seeking to make me conform to deeply entrenched external religious traditions. Help me to listen carefully and obediently to the warnings you give me and to pay closer attention each moment to where You are and what You are doing. I want to learn to stay closer to You so I can be a better disciple and listen and feel You close to me all the time instead of just when I am in desperate circumstances.

Thank-you so much for the present healing that You have done and are doing in my own life. Give me proper perspective to see through heaven's eyes those who seem to be upset about what You are doing in my life and have their priorities different than Yours sometimes. Give me the same compassion and patience with them as You have with me. Fill me with Your unconditional love so that others will be drawn to want Your healing power active in their lives as well.