The Issue of Arguing

"Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship." Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews." (John 4:20-22)

Again, I am seeing the unusual way that Jesus treats someone who is used to relating to religion primarily with arguments. Religion is full of people that believe that truth must be advanced through the use of arguing and even force when necessary. But man's ways are not God's ways and Jesus demonstrated here the best way.

One thing that is becoming clear to me in this story is Jesus' consistent way of seeking common connections before dealing with differences. He is not ducking the tough issues, but because His primary strategy is to form heart bonds before addressing external or doctrinal differences, He uses affirmations and highlights the positive things before moving on to explain the more delicate misunderstandings. When the woman reacts emotionally after the subject of her marriage status is brought up and denies that she is married at all, instead of laying a guilt trip on her Jesus twice affirms her honesty in the way she chose to answer. That is shocking to many of us.

Now she brings up yet another point of deep division between her people the Samaritans and His people the Jews. She refers to the core issues that have caused deep hostilities between the two groups for centuries with deep curiosity as to how He is going to respond to this most provocative subject. Instead of continuing a discussion about her private life that has caused her the most emotional pain, she wants to see how He is going to handle the most intransigent deadlock in religion that has stymied resolution for the greatest theologians of the time. In her mind, if this man is really as connected with God as she is beginning to think He might be, then maybe, just maybe, He will be able to provide insights and answers that seem beyond the ability of all the religious leaders to discover.

But the way that she broaches this subject is through the typical way that most people would approach it – through the angle of argument. If this question were to be posed to anyone else from either side of the deep divide that it had created, she already knew what their reaction would be. They would immediately launch into the stock answers and intense defense of their position based on which side they happened to be born on. It seemed that this prejudice was unsolvable and the differences impossible to heal. But this man seemed different and she was keen to find out if just maybe He might unveil the most elusive answers that had never been found by anyone else.

Her hunch was actually very accurate. This man was indeed very close to God – and much closer than she had ever imagined up to this point in their encounter. He was not only very close to God but was in reality God in human form. She was experiencing the privilege of not only being able to talk with someone who might be able to hear insights from God to pass them on to others but was given the privilege of talking directly to God herself without even realizing it yet. In effect, she was being given the opportunity of becoming a prophet herself without even realizing it.

One of the evidences that this was God and not just a human religious man well-versed in Scripture was the way in which He handled such questions. Instead of reacting defensively to a confrontation inviting an argument, He instead keeps moving inexorably closer to capturing her affections, her devotion, her appreciation of His kindness and love for her. In every detail of His demeanor and every word of His interactions with her He was expressing the passionate love that God had for her that she had craved for all of her life. She was already tasting the living water and it was already having its effect inside of her even before she realized what was going on. Because she was willing to receive that water of life and was yielding to its influence in her spirit she was already beginning to tingle with the excitement and joy and this water always produces in any heart that is willing to drink of it.

In Jesus' response to her query about the deep religious tensions between His race and her people, He once again avoided talking first about the tensions that divided them. Instead He went straight to the resolution of this very problem that He Himself had come to this world to provide; He had come to bring the two groups along with all humanity into full unity in Himself, both Jews and Gentiles of every stripe. The Jews had made the reputation of God stink in the world with their exclusivity, their arrogance and pride and their perversions of the true meaning of the Word of God. They had become so self-centered and exclusive in their opinions about religion that they had almost totally obscured the light of truth about how God feels towards sinners. But Jesus came to explode all those myths and to reveal to the world the real truth about God's desires and plans to save everyone who would believe.

But the fact still remained that God had indeed originally chosen the Jews as His special people to reveal His character to the rest of the world. It was true that they had largely failed in this assignment and were soon to finalize their divorce from Him as a nation by killing His Son and then rejecting and killing His messengers that would come after Him. But it was still a valid truth that the Jews were indeed the repositories of the facts of truth; they were the race from which most of the prophets of God came from and they were the ones entrusted with the written messages of God down through the ages. They had been given the most accurate truth even though they had failed repeatedly to live their lives in harmony with it but had allowed their spirit to take on the opposite characteristics from that which inspired these sacred writings in the first place.

On the other hand, the Samaritans were in fact counterfeits of the religion of the Jews. Their motive for building a temple elsewhere from the one in Jerusalem was because they had been so offended by the harsh way in which they were treated by the pure-blooded Jews in Ezra's day. This offense had hardened into a parallel religion invented by the Samaritans as an alternative to that of the Jews partly because the Jews refused to accept them in the way God had intended and partly because the Samaritans themselves had hardened their hearts in defensiveness to justify their own religious preferences. There was certainly plenty of blame to around, but as Jesus pointed out to this woman, the real truth of God really was entrusted to the Jews no matter how badly they had mangled it.

But before making that point, Jesus wanted to let this woman know that all of that was about to become irrelevant as far as God was concerned. Jesus had come to dissolve all the walls of artificial separation that religions had constructed over the centuries and was here on earth to offer a completely new way of connecting with God. He had come to bring to light the very salvation that all of those symbols and shadows built into the Old Testament religious services pointed forward to. When the reality was fully exposed the symbols would become totally obsolete and everyone would then come to God directly without any reference to race, gender or any other discriminations. This was the exciting announement that Jesus gave to this woman before He said anything about who was technically right and wrong in the long-standing feud between the Jews and the Samaritans.

I am still open to hearing what God has to share with me about what Jesus meant in His words about worshiping what we know or don't know. I want to get beyond the stock answers for this and really hear from the Spirit the deeper significance of these words and how they surely affect all of us today.

Perceiving a Prophet

The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet." (John 4:19)

What induced this woman to make this statement?

First of all, it can easily be assumed that this was part of her diversionary move to change the subject away from talking about her live-in situation and her multiple marriages that held so much pain from her past.

But I believe by this point she was already beginning to feel stirrings of faith, a response in her heart to the way she was being treated by Jesus, by God quite literally. Jesus had just suddenly stated quite matter of factly very personal things about her private life that she would never expect a total stranger to be able to know, especially a Jew. Her town was rather small and likely only the people from there would have known much about her situation. His ability to easily discern so many details about her private business certainly was a very compelling clue that maybe this was a prophet that she needed to recognize and respect.

She was quite familiar with the idea of prophets. In her day people were much closer in history to the many Old Testament prophets and being a descendant of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob she also considered herself not completely outside the circle of being one of God's people despite all the Jew's protestations to the contrary. And if she was one of God's children then she would also need to be willing to submit to any messages of God's prophets if one happened to come her way.

She may well have been familiar with some of the stories about Elijah, Elisha and some of the other prophets who sometimes appeared in very unusual places to very unexpected people. Prophets did not always stick to dealing only with God's chosen nation after all as seen clearly in the life of Elijah. And this woman's heart was actually much more spiritual, in my opinion, than many around her who laid high claims to being piously religious. So she was likely much more open to being sensitive to a prophet of God if she were ever to encounter one.

Beyond the fact that Jesus had so abruptly exposed things about her personal life she never expected Him to be able to know, it was also compelling to her the way in which He had done it. Instead of condemning her, reproaching her or heaping shame on her like most religious people were so quick to do, He had only affirmed her honesty, twice in fact, and had simply stated these facts without any negative connotations attached in the tone of His voice.

At the very beginning of their conversation Jesus had begun talking about God, about God's gift and about something that He wanted to give her that would enrich and benefit her life. At that point she had mentioned the question of His importance and status, comparing Him with Jacob and asking if He thought He was better than her ancestor that obviously had proven himself capable of looking out for his very large family. Implicit in that statement may well have also been some sadness or bitterness over the fact that she had never been able to find such a capable and caring man in her own life. With this background she well may have been starting to distrust all men and was ready to challenge any man who might come along making big claims about what he could do for a woman.

But instead of reacting defensively like most men would likely have done, Jesus only continued to increase her curiosity about the gift that He was so eager to share with her. She had not been able to detect the slightest animosity or prejudice in either the words or the demeanor of Jesus and this did not go unnoticed by her. In fact, this man was so strikingly different than any man she had ever met in her life that the conviction was starting to grow quickly inside of her that this just might be the most unusual encounter she ever had with a man. She couldn't figure Him out yet but something resonated very strongly in her heart that she needed to find out more about this most fascinating man who refused to treat her with anything but utmost respect and care and kindness.

With all of this as the context, I believe it is easy to see that her assertion that Jesus was a prophet was spontaneous and genuine. But the next thing I question is my reaction to her statement. What is my gut reaction to these words by this woman? Is it one of agreement? Do I share her amazement at the gentleness, kindness and compassion that I am seeing more clearly in the heart of God as seen in this story? Or does my religious mind and life-long training urge me to dispute her claim and dwell on the fact that Jesus was really the Messiah, not just a prophet?

As I think about it, I realize that to disagree with her is to place myself squarely in a place of unbelief myself. For the real definition of a prophet fits Jesus perfectly well. A prophet is really a person who listens to God's words and messages sent to them for others and then passes them on. We have developed the notion that prophets have to be people who foretell the future and if they don't fit this criteria then they must not be a prophet. But many prophets spent most of their time simply pleading with people to reconsider their disposition and attitudes towards God and to embrace the truth about God that they were resisting. From that perspective Jesus is the greatest prophet of all time. This woman could not have been more accurate in her evaluation of what she saw in Jesus. And that is amazing given that she had so little information to base it on.

Yes, it is true that Jesus quickly led her on to see Him clearly as much more than a prophet. But I do not want to miss the impact of this confession she made based on only what she had seen and heard and felt from Jesus at this point in their interaction. Obviously she did not have near the resistance that a lifetime of religious training too often builds into a mind and that tends to harden the heart against ready belief. Again, I find myself envious of this woman's ability and willingness to so quickly move into an attitude of belief when I spend so much time trying to unbuckle the many straps of logic, arguments and religious baggage that get in my way and prevents my heart from freely jumping to respond to God's revelations of love for me.

This woman like many others that Jesus freely associated with was considered by their society to be totally unworthy of the attentions and favors that Jesus was so ready to give them. He was repeatedly criticized and condemned for hanging out with tax-collectors, harlots and sinners. And yet He stated quite plainly that these were the kind of people who found it much easier to enter into the real kingdom of God than most of those who claimed to already know everything about that kingdom. Jesus had the most difficult time reaching the hearts of the overtly religious and the highly educated. It was those on the margins that He had the most success connecting with and teaching, for it was those who most often were more honest and real about what they were feeling inside as opposed to the religious leaders who would seldom allow themselves to confess the truth Jesus came to reveal about God.

In Jesus' response to her next question He invited her into an attitude of fuller belief. He knew that her heart was ripe to take this step and all she needed was an invitation. She was ready to embrace Him as her own Messiah. So the first words He said were, “Woman, believe me...” and obviously that is exactly what she chose to do. She was ready and eager to respond to God's revelation of love for her heart.

And I choose to do the same as I feel God's presence giving me the same invitation.

Father, I believe. Rid me of all unbelief.

External Internal

"Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship." (John 4:20)

I want to look at the sequence of the focus in this story.

It begins with a simple request for a drink of regular water that is too far out of reach for Jesus to get for Himself.

The Samaritan woman instead wants to know why this Jew is not acting like a normal Jew or like a typical man in the culture of their day.

Jesus immediately moves to talking about God, about a gift and about something mysterious and intriguing that He calls living water which arouses a great deal of interest and curiosity in this woman's mind. This is where Jesus moves very quickly from the external to the internal and even the eternal.

When the woman asks for a drink of His kind of water, which she still implies within her request may have more to do with the external and physical rather than the internal, Jesus then brings up the issue of what is going on inside her heart in relation to the men in her life; again, the internal.

The woman quickly shifts the discussion from that to asking a religious question that may have been haunting her for a long time. The reason she wanted an answer to this question is of interest to me but of course, is not possible to determine with any great degree of certainty. But within her question she again is focusing on the external though she does bring up the issue of worship. But implicit even in her ideas of worship is the importance of the externals surrounding worship instead of anything having to do with the heart. Her question is, where is the right place that people should worship.

This reminds me very much of the other people who sometimes came up to Jesus asking for information about worship or about getting to heaven. Invariably the question always centered around a focus on the externals, on behavior and performance. What must I do to be saved? What must I do to inherit eternal life? What must I do...?

Sometime Jesus answered them by going straight to the internal. What must you do? Believe... But other times He might take them there via a route through their own logic, especially when speaking with someone like a lawyer who was very keen on thinking only along those lines. Jesus would focus on the law and they would then make the claim that they had already measured up to the standard that they could see in their view of the law. Then Jesus would finish the application and take them straight into the issues of relationships and emotions and attitudes towards those they considered below their dignity or of little value. He took them back to the internals and exposed that the real things of importance are always focused on the condition of our hearts.

Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father." (John 4:21)

I want to take a lot more time to explore Jesus' beliefs about worship that are sharply in contrast with nearly everyone else's. But at this point I want to focus on the fact that all through this story Jesus is leading her, as He did with Nicodemus just before this, to realize that worship and relating to God always and primarily involves getting honest about what is going on in our heart and our emotions. It means ceasing to try to cover up what is deep inside no matter how messed up we may think it is or how painful we may think it is going to be for us. It matters not how embarrassing or humiliating or frightening are the things we are trying to hide inside from anyone else knowing about. God is not the one we need to be afraid of or run away from; He is the one with the gift, the living water of life and the only source in which we can find any hope of healing and restoration and peace.

So what I hear Jesus saying in response to her is, Do you want to know the real place to worship. I will tell you. The right place to worship is in your own heart. That is the only effective place that anyone can truly worship God from if they want worship to be genuine and transformative.

It is the lies we are filled with about how God feels about us that causes us to hide what is really in our hearts. It started immediately when Adam and Eve disconnected from their vital connection of trust in God by believing the lies of the enemy about Him. As soon as the loving, caring, compassionate God came to visit them again as He did every day, they were now filled with terror and ran to hide their shame from Him. We have been doing it ever since because we still are filled with the lies about Him that Adam and Eve introduced into our gene pool.

What was the very first thing that Jesus said in response to the woman's request for an answer about “proper” worship? It was an immediate focus on the internal issue of belief. Woman, believe Me... I find this very significant. Yes, Jesus goes on to share with her some of the most profound truths about real worship that have ever been revealed to humans. But first He pointed her to the very root of the sin problem – a lack of real belief, belief rooted deep in the heart that is learning to experience the goodness of God and is embracing the real truths about God. This is the focus of all the writings of John – trying to get us to realize the enormous importance of real belief and its crucial necessity if we want to experience life in its fullness.

At this point the woman is really being given a choice. Jesus is asking her to believe all the things He is saying to her and to embrace what He is offering her without resistance. Of course she can also choose to hang on to her own ideas, to remain focused on the externals above the internals and to avoid exposure or pain; she can be like many others and be more obsessed with worshiping for appearances or for shallow emotional thrills instead of entering into a vulnerable and intimate relationship with the Savior God who offers to be a better husband than any man could ever dream of being.

Wonderfully, this story has a positive ending where the woman really does take Jesus seriously. And the immediate affects on her life and all her relationships is both startling and immensely encouraging. It is the kind of amazing transformation that I would love to experience in my own life. I am jealous of this woman's freedom to embrace the truth about God so quickly and to be so expressive in her compelling witness in such a very short time.

This happened because, whatever it took or however she did it, she entered into real belief. She did exactly what Jesus asked her to do – she believed Him. And the rest is not only history but became a very important part of His story as well.

Points of Contention

The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship." (John 4:19-20)

I have been noticing all through this story that Jesus has treated this woman with the unexpected. He has steadfastly steered away from bringing up points of difference between them and has instead treated her with the most kindness possible. Even with full knowledge of her moral situation back at home He has never used His advantages over her to cause the slightest insinuations against her. He only stated the facts of her life as a means of highlighting how much He was not saying about her.

This is in stark contrast to the way most everyone I know including myself, might treat this woman. If they came upon a woman like this and had knowledge of her weak position, they would either exploit her and try to create a relationship with her for their own pleasure or they would feel compelled to point out her sins as a way of making themselves look better and to induce more guilt in her heart.

Many Christians take for granted that the way people are supposed to be led to repentance is by highlighting their sins, by exposing them and enforcing upon them a sense of enormous guilt until they are so afraid of punishment and wrath to come that in fear they turn to God for deliverance. This has been the standard approach in Christianity and in fact other major world religions as well for centuries. Fear has been the main approach for producing what people believe is obedience – conformance to a list of rules and moral standards. If people don't conform enough for our satisfaction we look for ways to make them feel more guilty because somehow we believe that guilt is the best way to induce repentance.

But what I have been learning to my amazement over the past few years is nearly exactly the opposite. Even though I was raised squarely in the middle of this kind of religion and being treated with this carrot and stick approach, I am learning that God actually relates to all of us very different than the way most of us treat each other in the name of Christ. And while there is certainly a lot of guilt and condemnation and fear present in our minds and hearts when we learn truth, it does not necessarily follow that those feelings are being placed there by God, imposed upon us to strong-arm us into succumbing to His authority through force. If that were true, then why didn't Jesus use that tactic when speaking with this woman who clearly could have been a prime candidate for reproof and correction?

But Jesus does not approach us with condemnation trying to induce fear of wrath to come as the means of attracting us to Himself. He does not need to, in spite of our false assumptions about Him. He is not looking to highlight everything we are doing wrong, all the ways in which we are out of sync with perfection and holiness. That can happen on its own. This is one of the most difficult things that my heart struggles to grasp about God. In spite of all that my mind has learned about His ways over the past few years it seems that my heart in some respects still reacts to Him based on very outdated and disproved theories about how God feels toward me.

What I see in this woman's response to Jesus at this point in the conversation is that she moves toward the more typical way that religious discussions are often carried on. She wants to bring up points of contention to get Jesus' opinion about them. That is the kind of debate that I am very familiar with for most of my life. When the subject of religion comes up it seems that the first questions out of our mouth concern the differences that we have with other people's opinions and beliefs. We want to know what makes them different instead of what we share in common.

Why do we do this? Or is the question itself even misleading? Is it simply because sin has wired us to be controversial from the get-go? Is our picture of God so rooted in conflict and fault-finding that it is inescapable to view religion in any other way? Obviously the world is filled with sharp divisions all based on differing opinions about what is true and what is necessary to get right with God. And I am certainly not saying that it is not important to know what is true. But why this knee-jerk bent toward focusing on what separates us from others instead of creating an atmosphere of attraction that will encourage bonds of sympathy and mutual respect?

I am personally hesitant to insist that this woman was only using this question as a means of sidestepping her personal discomfort that was stirred up by Jesus' revelations about her moral situation. While I certainly don't discount that idea, I sense that very possibly this woman really did have serious questions in her mind and heart about these things in religion that she wanted someone to address who was not already filled with prejudices and bigotry. And seeing that Jesus had just demonstrated that He was not going to exploit her or bring up things for the sake of controversy like nearly everyone else she had ever met, she may have felt that this was the chance of a lifetime to get some answers to questions that she did not trust anyone else to answer without undo bias.

If that is true, it also may imply that this woman was not so out of touch with religion as many around her might have supposed. And this is true many times in our lives as well. Many who are without formal education or marginalized and considered to be of no account when it comes to things of religion by those in positions of responsibility are sometimes very insightful in ways that may surprise even the most highly educated. But because few care enough to engage them in a serious conversation and actually listen to them with an open mind, they are left out of most discussions altogether and are generally considered as ignorant and irreligious and only in need of instruction.

But I think it is very possible that this woman may have pondered the difficult questions of controversy that swirled around her on religious topics and had chosen to view them from perspectives that were not popular either to her fellow Samaritans or to anyone else she knew. As a result she had largely kept her thoughts and opinions to herself maybe feeling that she might never meet anyone open-minded enough to actually listen to her without prejudice. But after being treated in such a surprising manner by this stranger whom she immediately sensed was both free of prejudices and also very insightful and caring about spiritual things, she decided to jump at the chance to see if He just might be able to help her with some of the most troubling issues in religion that seemed unsolvable in her mind.

Because of Jesus' kindness, gentleness and avoidance of bringing up controversy, He won the confidence and trust of this woman in only a few moments. He accomplished what we may take years to bring about because we fail to reflect the true Spirit of the Father who never uses force or condemnation to bring people to His love. This is yet another classic example of how Jesus related to hurting, frightened, wounded hearts in a way that allowed them to open up quickly and come to belief in Him with very little resistance.

I love that. And I want to become like that myself. I want to allow Jesus to live in me so fully that my interactions with wounded hearts can likewise induce trust and confidence instead of fear and controversy. I want my conversations about religious points of conflict to reflect the true realities behind those issues as heaven sees them and in the spirit of Jesus. Then people will be drawn to want to know God better and be less afraid to come closer to Him to receive living water for themselves.

Relating to Shame

The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have correctly said, 'I have no husband'; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly." The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet." (John 4:17-19)

Again and again I see things in the way Jesus treated people and related to them that reveals such a different attitude than that of most religious people. And here in these verses it shows up yet again in even in this story. In fact, in every response throughout this story Jesus acts unexpectedly from how I would expect to see someone respond in these kinds of circumstances.

First of all, Jesus affirms the woman for being honest even though it is quite clear that her honesty is a technical evasive maneuver to avoid facing her shame, pain and embarrassment. But instead of taking advantage of the situation to press home a sense of guilt for her messed up choices, He only chooses to stay with the affirmative while in full knowledge of her background.

But remember, Jesus is in the process of offering her living water. So everything He does and says is moving toward that accomplishment. And one thing that helps to encourage someone to drink water is to be aware of their thirst. So Jesus accurately but very politely reveals that He knows her situation already and yet still exhibits no trace of condemnation for her. He accepts her exactly the way she is.

This is very striking for me personally. I can remember intense assertions by my father that acceptance of someone living in sin was absolutely unthinkable. In his mind, to accept someone was to condone what they were doing and he never wanted to be seen as condoning sin in anyone's life. Therefore he usually gravitated more in the direction of feeling compelled to point out people's sins and trying to make them feel guilty instead of feeling any compulsion to show compassion and acceptance for them before there was any sign of repentance. His picture of God simply could not tolerate such a concept.

And of course that is the picture of God that was formed in my own mind and heart for many years. And though I soon came to doubt the validity of his preference for condemnation over acceptance of people, deep inside I have always struggled to perceive God as being willing to accept me and love me no matter how good or how bad my performance in life was. And while I came to accept that idea more and more with my mind over the years, my heart still has a difficult time believing that God accepts me unconditionally in love. It is something that goes strongly against the grain of the way my heart perceptions of reality have been wired from very early childhood.

Yet over and over I see Jesus relating to people radically different from the way I was taught both in the family and in the church. That is why I sit in amazement each time I come across a story like this where Jesus does what to me is the most unexpected and seemingly bizarre. But at the same time something stirs inside my heart that tells me that this approach is the genuine way to bring about an atmosphere of grace where hearts can begin to feel safe enough to come out into the light even though they may still be feeling shame, guilt and fear. I know that this is the way that I wish I could be treated.

I became curious about what kind of relationship this woman might have been having with the man she was with currently. So I looked up the Greek word behind what is here translated have when Jesus said the man whom you now have. I found that it could also be easily translated as the relationship that you now hold onto. That sounds very much like what today is becoming the most common kind of relationships that people are choosing as an alternative to marriage. They are living together but avoiding the commitments involved in promising an exclusive relationship in marriage to each other. They believe that it is a better alternative than marriage because they may think that there is less potential pain involved in their future. It also keeps their options more open and if they choose to move on to another relationship they hope that the pain will be less than if they have to go through a divorce.

Again, I want to perceive with my heart as well as my mind the example of how Jesus related to this woman knowing full well her choices and her situation socially, living with a man outside of marriage and having a long history of broken marriages in her past. It was not something He chose to probe her about or try to lay a guilt trip on her. I am sure that she felt plenty of guilt and had for a very long time. There were many people around her in life that would likely make sure to remind her of how ashamed she should feel about herself and what a worthless person she must be.

But Jesus avoided reinforcing all of those emotional baggage issues while still speaking the truth in love about the facts of her life. It was very important that she be aware that honesty about the truth in her situation needed to be present if she were to engage in participation of drinking from this new kind of water Jesus was eager to share with her.

I want to learn to see people in these kinds of circumstances just like Jesus saw this woman and related to her. I want to be purged of the knee-jerk reactions of condemnation or shame or anything else that is not in harmony with the compassion of Jesus while at the same time not avoiding accountability, to be true to a person's need for honesty. It is a very tricky thing to help a person be honest about their true condition and the results of their bad choices without conveying the slightest hint of condemnation. It takes a secure peace and confidence in the ability of the Holy Spirit to bring about conviction in God's way and in God's timing for a person to feel free to accept someone like this fully in love and create the atmosphere of freedom that will invite them into the rich and extravagant grace that God is generously offering them.

I love the response that this treatment by Jesus produced in the reaction seen in this woman's mind and heart. The first thing out of her mouth after this most startling revelation that Jesus knew all about her morbid past was, “Sir, I perceive You are a prophet!”

Somehow I don't think this was completely the evasive move that it might appear to be. Yes, she did want to change the subject with all sorts of overwhelming feelings flushing into her face in the moment. But the complete absence of criticism and condemnation on the part of Jesus must have caught her by great surprise. She responded with a term of respect for Him and an acknowledgement that His ability to see her past so easily affirmed in her mind the implications of the words He had already spoken. She was saying that He indeed must have a special connection with God.

I want my treatment of people to be able to elicit this kind of a response instead of fear and shame. Yes, people may feel shame and guilt because of what they have already experienced and even the self-condemnation they may try to blame on others. But I do not want my own life to be a source of additional condemnation for anyone whom God is trying to draw to Himself. I want to be a clean channel of pure grace, of unexpected and unconditional acceptance, of compassion and to be a source through which God can pour His feelings for sinners. I want to move past my own past and be transformed into a new creation in Christ Jesus. I want to become a magnet for God.

Go, Call, Come

The woman said to Him, "Sir, give me this water, so I will not be thirsty nor come all the way here to draw." He said to her, "Go, call your husband and come here." (John 4:15-16)

Jesus offered her living water. Even though she did not fully appreciate or comprehend just what this new kind of water was all about, she was interested enough to go ahead and ask for it. It sounded good. She could not see any negatives about it but only positives. If it had to do with physical thirst she could certainly see great advantages for her life to take Him up on His offer. If it had to do with something much more as she was beginning to suspect, it still sounded like an offer too good to pass up. Either way she was aware that she was thirsty. Even if this guy didn't know all the details of her life – which up to that point she felt safe enough in believing – she certainly felt a deep emotional emptiness similar to the intense thirst that a person felt after being out in the hot sun on a dry day without any water for some time.

So she framed her answer to make the most sense logically. Since she was not ready in the least to divulge to a total stranger the morbid details of her messed up life causing her emotional thirst, she decided to simply talk about the obvious physical advantages that some new kind of water might do for her and hope that the emotional benefits would be included without having to face her inward pain. So the two things that she listed as advantages as far as she could see immediately were not having to feel thirsty anymore while still staying hydrated and not having to expend all her energy repeatedly on an exhausting trip far out to this well at a most inconvenient time of the day.

Now here is where I find yet another curious turn in the way Jesus relates to her (and equally important to us) in His response. He again does not seem to address her words directly but takes yet another seeming detour causing yet more intensity in her thinking. He could have simply taken the straight-forward approach of explaining to her what this living water really was and how He was going to impart it to her, whatever that might have looked like. But instead He brings up the subject of a spouse and insists that she first go back home and invite her husband to get involved and then bring him all the way back out here to continue the discussion with Jesus while He waits for her out at the well.

Right here I want to take a little different tack from that which most teachers usually take when unpacking this story. I am fully aware that Jesus was using this as a means of opening her up to the very center of the deepest pain inside of her heart, the focal point that would highlight the reality of her much greater thirst. I am not trying to take away from the significance of the typical lessons associated with that line of thinking. But I also believe that much might be gained from considering that Jesus might have said something very similar to this if she actually had been married to the guy she was living with.

First of all I notice three distinct actions that Jesus required of her before He was ready to open up the spigot to give her a drink of this living water in full measure. He said to go, then to call and finally to come back to Him.

Secondly, I notice that He did not instruct her to go and call just anyone to come back with her. Jesus told her specifically to go to her own home (implied) and call her own husband before returning to receive this wonderful gift of living water from God.

Jesus is here laying out some very important principles that cannot be ignored by us today. It is not enough to just respond affirmatively to the offer of grace and forgiveness by God in order to live the abundant life that is called eternal life. Jesus is explaining some prerequisites that need to be complied with if we are really serious about being satisfied and filled with this new kind of living, joy-producing water of life. He seems to be saying here rather strongly that we cannot engage in enjoying this kind of water to satisfy our soul thirst alone. And even beyond that, the people that we need to get involved in participating with us, or at least that need to receive our genuine and honest invitation to do so, need to be the ones who are the closest to us, our spouses, our family and often those who may be the very ones who are the biggest source of emotional pain in our lives.

In this case, the woman immediately advises Jesus somewhat evasively that she does not have a husband – which was technically correct. I can really relate to this woman in this respect. I grew up cultivating great skill in giving technically correct answers to people for questions that I really didn't want to reveal the full truth about. At the same time my conscience would mercilessly torture me if I told an outright lie so I learned to become very adept at saying things in such a way that would satisfy people's probing questions while in fact misleading them to assume something different than what was actually the facts. In that way I could feel that it was not my fault what they concluded because it was their assumptions and their own failure to find out all the facts, while at the same time I felt justified that I had not told an outright lie. Such is the amazing dexterity of legalism in the human heart.

But again, that is farther on in this story, though not much. I still want to more carefully consider this important aspect of Jesus requiring her to go get somebody else involved before He was willing to reveal to her what this living water was all about.

This really resonates with many things that God has been teaching me over the past few years. There seems to be a lot of importance and emphasis on community that God places within the gospel and in His Word. While we certainly need a lot of healing and reconciliation for our individual relationships with God, He never allows us to remain in isolated intimacy with Him for very long before He requires us to get someone else involved. And most often that someone else is going to be the very ones who are the source of some of our deepest hurts.

This is the point where we instantly and reactively begin to feel a great deal of resistance. This woman could very easily at this point have ended the discussion with Jesus, considering Him to be out of place in His probing questions into her personal affairs. She very easily could have told Him to mind His own business at this point, filled up her water containers and gone back home. Many people would have done that very thing and many of us in essence do that to God quite often. We tend to view God's requirement to get someone else involved in our healing process who has hurt us deeply, as too offensive for us to obey His voice implicitly. But if we resist too long, we open ourselves up to the deceptive power of the enemy and we will become blinded once again to the true nature of the Man who is offering us freedom, hope and water that will really satisfy our hearts.

How often we take the easy route when this most painful issue is raised in our own lives. We begin to reason that we know better than God, that He doesn't really understand the depth of our pain or the impossibility of that other person ever changing. We begin to rationalize and come up with alternatives that sound much less threatening to us and Satan is eagerly supplying our minds with all sorts of plausible ways that might would work much better than the straight road Jesus is pointing out.

At this point I have to ask myself these questions:

Am I willing to accept the painful truth that if I want freedom from the painful thirst that racks my soul that I am going to have to face those who have hurt me the most?

Am I willing to trust the heart of this Stranger enough to believe that His approach to experiencing the satisfaction of living water springing up to eternal life will work, even though it requires me to get my spouse involved when that spouse may not even be interested in my getting healed?

Maybe God is asking me to go and call an abusive father before I come back to Jesus to continue this process.

Maybe He is asking me to call some other person who has wounded me deeply – it matters not how impossible it may seem to us.

The real question here is not whether I can figure out if His plan is realistic or not, the real issue is whether I am ready to trust His methods and words to me even though they sound intimidating or even impossible. Am I willing to really trust His heart when the fear of reliving some pain suddenly threatens me.

What if the person God is asking me to face is already dead? At first that might sound less threatening until you realize that many people feel very trapped after an abusive parent has died without their finding resolution to that enormous tension in their heart. I know of people who are very tempted to feel despair and hopelessness when the idea of emotional healing comes up in relation to a deceased abuser. But God is not stymied by the obstacle of even death. He simply says to us – go, call and come back to Me. He can handle it if we are willing to let Him.

If I am willing to trust His heart more than my own rationalizations, then I will begin to see a small path open up before me just enough to know what step to take next. I seldom if ever, will be able to see how it is all going to work out in the end – but that is never our responsibility. Ours is to trust and obey and that is not very popular in religion today. We want to experience healing but we want to do it alone without the messiness of getting other offensive people involved. We want to have an exciting love affair with Jesus and feel good feelings during worship services, but we pull back in protest when God asks us to go invite our abusers to come out into the light and participate in receiving healing with us.

Yes, many of us would like for our abusers or those who have hurt us deeply to be exposed in the light. But from what motive? We think they should experience the pain and shame that we have endured for so long. But that is not what God is asking of us here. He simply says to go and invite them and leave the rest up to Him.

Jesus did not say that she could not come back if her husband refused to come with her. But He did imply that if she was serious about getting this living water that could give her everything she longed for in life that she first needed to face the man (or men) who likely may have caused her the most pain. If she was willing to travel that path then Jesus could be trusted to keep His word and deliver on His promises.

Did she take Jesus seriously and do what He asked of her? Obviously not instantly. She became very nervous when Jesus brought up her personal situation and tried to change the subject. But when she finally came to believe in Him and chose to trust His heart, the Word says that she went back home so enthusiastically that she ended up telling all the men of the town about this living water project, not just the guy she was shacked up with. Jesus' words were not wasted with her. Even though she had to have some more discussion before she was ready to respond to His request, she did end up doing what He asked of her after all.

Who in my life is Jesus asking me to invite to be involved as part of my own healing? I realize that community in God's eyes is essential for growth, maturing and transformation as well as healing. This is becoming more and more clear to those who are studying God's ways and His Word. I know that I need much more genuine community interaction in my own life so that I can grow more effectively and heal more deeply. It can be frightening at first to realize that many who end up in the family of God were once abusers and wicked people themselves. But God brought healing to them just as He does for the victims of their abuse. I pray for willingness to obey when Jesus asks me to face those who have hurt me most deeply and see them through the eyes of Jesus instead of the eyes of fear. And I want to quite resisting trusting His heart and instead rest in the reality that He really does care about me.