Seeing the Kingdom

Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, observing His signs which He was doing. (John 2:23)

Jesus answered and said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." (John 3:3)

I am intent on getting much deeper into the significance of this part of my Bible. I feel compelled to find the real truth about these issues and most importantly experiencing them for myself. Every time I take the time to dwell on these passages and listen to the impressions of the Holy Spirit I feel I get a little bit more, but I also feel that the container just keeps getting deeper. I have never felt like I really broke through the lid completely so I can see more clearly the deeper reservoir inside these chapters that can energize and motivate me the way I want to live. I hear the words and I keep putting pieces together but it only makes me hungry for much more.

Clearly this is a passage that is more direct about addressing the condition of the heart much more than just a mental religious experience. That is why I am here immersing myself in this passage, because I am increasingly hungry for a much deeper heart experience. I have lived in a head religion for all of my life but it has only been a few years since I even became aware of the reality of my own heart and have begun to address this part of me. I am so thankful that God is in charge of this process and is making me hungry to have a real heart-based relationship with Him. I am simply expressing the desires that He is feeding into my soul and asking for more real spiritual food and more heart training.

But truth is not only a heart experience though that must be the primary base of function for it to be authentic. God designed for us to use both our left and right brain, both our intellect and our heart in our relationship with Him. And just because I have lived around people who have over-emphasized head knowledge for most of my life does not mean that I should walk away from that part of it too far. Much information that is needed by my heart and emotions to properly connect with God has to come through my left brain first because it is in the form of words which have to be processed by the left brain. There are other ways my right brain can receive directly, but words have to be interpreted through the left brain and then made accessible to the right for interpretation into deep feelings and spiritual insights and the transformation of gut-level beliefs.

What I am seeing in these two verses this morning is right along these lines. There are two parallel kingdoms happening at the same time and depending on which one we belong to will depend greatly as to the meaning that we place on key words in this passage. It is very clear that John keeps repeating certain words that seem very important for him. Signs, authority, belief and now this idea of seeing. In these two verses most of these show up together though not necessarily using those words.

The Jews were living under the more familiar kingdom of externally-based religion that nearly all of us find ourselves living under today. The new kingdom that Jesus came to reveal more clearly was a kingdom based solidly in the heart, not on external control of men's minds and external beliefs. Because of the stark contrast between these two kingdoms the associated assumptions about the meanings of these words can be subtly but significantly different. I cannot assume that the first thing that pops into my mind when I read these passages is necessarily what Jesus or John had in mind when they presented them originally. I need the Holy Spirit to guide and instruct me from the context of the Word of God to unlock the deeper meanings and open the doors that prevent me from entering into a much deeper experience with my God in this new kingdom.

John seems to be implying here that when the kingdom of God shows up there will be signs that can be seen or observed by those not yet in that kingdom. Whatever these are, they can be cause for those who are honest of heart to be able to believe in such as way as to be able to enter into that kingdom by faith. In doing so one comes under the full authority of the head of that kingdom which means that they surrender all other claims of authority over their life. Again, what is meant by believing carries different meanings depending on which kingdom provides the definitions. What keeps becoming more clear to me is that this belief spoken of here is far deeper than just an intellectual belief or an assent to factual truth or doctrines no matter how sincere or intense that may be. I see no reference to Jesus trying to get anyone in this story to believe any doctrines so that they can join His kingdom. I see Him trying to get people to wake up at the heart level and enter into a much deeper level of belief than even that which I have ever experienced myself.

I am not trying to write these things as a means of making myself an authority on these subjects but as a way of processing through my own search for a deeper understanding and experience in this kingdom myself. It is more of a dialogue between my mind, my heart and the mind of God asking Him to release my soul perceptions to be able to encounter Him at a much deeper level than ever before. I crave to have consistent belief like that described in this passage – genuine, authentic, life-changing belief that is rooted deeply in the gut-level feelings and emotions, in the heart and soul of my existence. I want to perceive the signs of this kingdom which still seem like a mystery to me. The very fact that they feel like a mystery clues me in that I am not yet fully integrated into this kingdom. I do not want to pretend that I have all the answers about this because that only pushes me back into the counterfeit kingdom of logical, intellectual religion which has never satisfied the deeper longings of my soul. I want to have a belief experience that is founded much deeper than simply good explanations for words and religious phrases strung together to prove a theological position. I want to know deeply what it is like to believe with all my heart and soul and spirit without reservation.

This issue of authority is a key one in my own life. Just the word by itself is enough to elicit a reaction deep down inside my gut, a reaction that can many times be even felt at the physical level. Because I am keenly aware that anything that triggers such an automatic reaction is always a symptom of an unresolved false belief buried deep in old memory containers, I continue to pray for release from these deep, hidden lies. I realize that God needs to take me back to those memories and unmask those deeply embedded lies and expose them for what they really are before I can be freed of them. Ignoring them, suppressing them or denying them will never give me the freedom that I long for. I have to have the Spirit of God take me through an effective healing experience where I face them head-on and receive the healing freedom from their grip and the liberating truth from God's Spirit in my soul.

I have received bits and pieces of this healing over time and have found much more peace in recent years than I ever knew in my earlier years. But I am also frighteningly aware that there is still a deep reservoir of pent up pain that still remains buried very deep that could sabotage me at any time. It still causes me deep fears at times and makes me keenly aware that I am very vulnerable to acting in ways that will bring much shame on the reputation of God, not to mention my own reputation. That is the part that really frightens me the most. It is bad enough that I can easily embarrass myself by the stupid things I am all too capable of doing in life. But the more I come to admire and appreciate the real truth about how good God is, the more fear I have that people will be misled in their opinions about Him by seeing the inconsistencies in my life because of these deeply hidden lies in my heart causing me to have a public meltdown in ways I shudder to even imagine.

I pray earnestly that God will provide the means and circumstances and community needed to take me on this healing journey soon. I know that the fear that will be stirred up inside of me if I were to face these dark places in my heart will be far greater than anything I can handle alone. That is why I need much closer connections with others in the body of Christ who might be willing to lend me their joy capacity when I come to that time of healing for my soul. I have no idea when or where or how it will take place, but I have no doubt that it must take place or I cannot myself fully enter into this kingdom that Jesus talked about with Nicodemus.

In fact, I can really identify with the frustration and questions posed by Nicodemus to Jesus. Nicodemus also came from a similar background of intellectual religion just as I have. He was living under very similar assumptions about the meanings of words and had similar priorities in life that most people have being raised in the kingdom of religion as we know it. So the confusion that he was going through in this chapter is very relevant to what I have been feeling for many years. There is nothing in this passage that indicates that he was able to fully grasp it anytime soon after this encounter with Jesus. It was only after the death of Jesus on the cross that he is mentioned again and then it becomes clear that the truths implanted by Jesus in this discussion had finally taken root and produced outward fruit resulting in his taking sides openly with the disciples of Jesus.

I have spent many more years than even Nicodemus pondering these words of Jesus about this alternative kingdom that seems so strange and different from anything I am familiar with. So it would stand to reason that enough time has passed that I should now be ready to step more fully into that kingdom and begin to live in it more openly myself. For I know that it is only by living within this real kingdom that is rooted firmly in a heart connection with God that I can truly thrive and enjoy complete fulfillment and peace.

So I choose to sit at the feet of Jesus for as long as it takes to get my dense heart and mind to absorb the real truth about these words. I want to see the signs of this kingdom for myself. I want to live under this authority with joyful abandon. I want to see with new eyes and to believe with all my heart and mind. I want to be fully absorbed and swallowed up in the passion of God that I have caught a glimpse of over the past few years, this passion that is the very atmosphere that pervades this kingdom of love and grace.