Holy Kissing - 2

Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you. Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. (Romans 16:16-17)

I don't think that I will be able to uncover all that is in this verse, at least right now. I am sure that God is going to be showing me things about this for a long time to come. But I still want to see more of what is here in the context that will give me clues as to better understand it and how to apply it profitably to my own life.

As I look it over again this morning I notice the contrast between the first and last phrases that I highlighted here. The first one is an instruction to embrace others with acceptance, love, and brotherly affection. The Greek word for greet actually means to embrace and the Greek word for kiss is closely related to the word phileo which is one of the kinds of love which humans enjoy – brotherly love. This is the kind of love that is most commonly found in healthy family relationships, siblings that care about each other and look out for and defend each other.

So in this context what I see here is that Paul is telling us to greet each other in the body of Christ in just the same way and with the same or more affection that we would greet our family members if we were to attend a family reunion. Of course that conjures up different things for different people since many families have a lot of tensions and suspicions and unresolved grudges that need to be dealt with before they would qualify to fit this description. But I think most people could think of pictures of family members reuniting after long periods of separation and joyfully embracing, hugging and kissing each other without fear of going overboard or becoming improperly emotionally involved in the wrong way with those they are greeting.

I think that the real problem arises when a person has been so starved of affection and real family-type love in their life that any experience of open affection awakens in them an intense, even unbalanced desire to ratchet it up to a more intense level of intimacy very quickly. This is a need that often is the root of addictions, the craving of unfulfilled desires. This is often mistaken by those around them as a sign of moral weakness or even evil intentions on the part of the person. But in fact it is really a symptom of a heart that is damaged, suppressed or so dry from lack of normal doses of affection and affirmation that it wants to overdose whenever there is an encounter that opens that inner need. To attach shame and condemnation to the damage already present is to further alienate that soul from the family of God and is not reflective of the way God relates to us.

What I see in these verses is a contrast between the way we should relate to each other in the family of God and the way the world tries to fake living as family. The people described in verses 17 and 18 try very hard to appear loving and gracious and attractive with their words and smooth talking, but their spirit is subtly divisive and their compliments are really flattery. But they are so convincing in their persuasive demeanor and make others feel so good that it is not obvious that there is deception involved that is designed to exploit the deep hunger of the heart.

This is where the real danger lies. When a person who is starved for genuine affection encounters another person who seems to meet that deep need and then responds with unusual intensity, the strong potential exists for a relationship that can quickly move into something much different than brotherly, family-like love. This creates a situation where the heart will eventually be further wounded while it was only seeking to receive the nourishment that it so desperately craves. It can set up a relationship that can easily turn into exploitation instead of healthy heart bonding and Paul is warning us to be aware of this danger and to turn away from such subtle deceivers.

When Paul says that the greetings and kisses we use when coming together should be holy, it is helpful to remember what the real meaning of the word holy is. My ideas of holiness for most of my life was like most others, thinking that it had something to do with great piety, almost stern religiosity, strict behavior control or something along that line. But a few years ago I heard a wonderful explanation that radically changed my thinking on this word and helped to make much more sense out of everything that is referred to as holy. It is a meaning that can be derived by carefully studying the context as it is used throughout the Bible and also some careful research into the roots of the word in the original languages.

Holy primarily means that someone or something is exclusively dedicated to something or someone else. Holiness makes no sense in and of itself because it requires an object toward which it is devoted. So anytime you see the word holy you have to realize that there must also be a reason, an outside target to which it points. In the context of how it is most often used in the Scriptures, the object toward which this dedication is pointing is usually God.

Holy is actually very similar to the word whole or wholly. In the New Testament God is cultivating a family of people who are supposed to be holy to God, wholly dedicated to God, just as the nation of Israel was supposed to His representative during the Old Testament era but failed to fulfill most of the time. Those who accept the invitation to become an integral part of the family of God are committing themselves to being dedicated totally and exclusively for the use of God, to be led by the Spirit of God and to no longer serve themselves and the desires of their flesh. They no longer are to look to the world and those around them to meet their deepest needs and cravings but are learning to trust God implicitly for everything they need and desire. They are to become bonded and knitted at the heart level into the family of God and to express God's feelings and disposition towards everyone else in that family.

In this context, when people who are all dedicated unreservedly to God for His use and are learning to depend on Him completely for all of their desires, when these people meet each other, the affections and greetings that they give each other will have no danger of spiraling into something selfish and exploitative. They will see each other through the eyes of heaven and if a person is heart-starved for affection they will be drawn into a healing, growing community that will teach them how to mature and grow into healthy, love-bonded relationships with others. They will not shamed or criticized for their weaknesses and vulnerabilities but will be cared for and nurtured and protected.

Our greatest danger does not lie in expressing open affection towards each other in the family of God nearly so much as in the encounters we are sure to have with those who appear to be Christians but have not given themselves unreservedly to God in holy devotion. These are people who are trying to mix two kingdoms and think they can get the best from both while playing one off against the other. These are the people who will seriously damage the reputation of God through professing to be His chosen ones while following the cravings of their own fleshly lusts.

The true family members of God are devoted to Him so totally that they could be described as looking like slaves. But to not be holy devoted to God in this level of commitment is to actually remain a slave to our own flesh which in turn is subtly manipulated and controlled by demonic influences set on infiltrating and undermining the family bonds that God is knitting together for His glory. It is really a lack of holiness in its true meaning that causes these people to become so dangerous at the heart level. They have not given over their own hearts and affections to God exclusively and so they become a liability and a source of danger within the family of God.

The sad part is that they may appear to be so Christian in their words and actions that the hearts of those who are still vulnerable from unresolved damage and wounds are susceptible to being easily deceived and drawn into following them. Flattery has little affect on a person who is secure in their relationship with God and whose heart is resting in His love. But it has great potential for seducing those who are immature in their faith, who are newer in their experience and who need the nurturing and protection of a loving, healthy, holy family. They can easily be drawn into the glowing promises that such false-hearted Christians have to offer and they can quickly become involved in activities, beliefs and emotional attachments designed to feed into their sense of emptiness inside.

What is really sad is that this often takes on the form of strict religious activities and organizations that promise to satisfy the cravings for wholeness and holiness. It plays on mistaken ideas of what holiness really is and leads many to believe that they must work very hard to get their characters perfect so that God will accept them and save them in heaven. These kind of attractions can be so deceiving because they look so religious and pious and feel so right. But they only lead down a path that ultimately leaves the heart even drier and more empty than it was before because it does not connect the heart with the only real Source of life that exists.

There is, of course, other variations of smooth talkers who can easily mislead hungry souls into other paths that promise to fill our deepest longings for love. There are many paths of deception that lead in many different directions. But there is only one path to life and that is connecting our heart to the heart of God from which we can receive everything we were created to need for thriving and growing and maturing.

I know that I have a great deal of growing to do myself in this area. I have areas of emptiness in my own heart that make me vulnerable to those who have flattering words and demeanor designed to draw my affections away from God. I realize that I do not have very many healthy bonds of phileo love with people in the family of God as I wish I enjoyed, and that sets me up as a potential target for pseudo-Christians with schemes to fit my particular hungers.

But what I really desire is to connect more closely with real Christians and learn what real family bonds look and feel like. I want to enjoy the affections and family unity and trust that God wants me to enjoy while living a life of total devotion and loyalty to Him. I also want to learn to be a person who can provide that safe contact for others who are hungering for healthy bonds of affection. I ask God to dwell in me and grow me into more maturity and balance so that I can be a safe channel for Him to use to draw others into close relationship to His own heart.

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