Unity in Woundedness

Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God. For I say that Christ has become a servant.... (Romans 15:7-8)

Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. (Romans 14:1)

I sometimes feel that I am writing about things about which I know very little. That is a very hazardous undertaking for anyone, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But at the same time, I feel that if I don't at least attempt to begin to understand these things – and writing seems to be the most effective way right now of doing that for me – that it is even more difficult for my heart to move in the directions of living in sync with what I am learning about reality from the Word of God.

But how does one go about explaining something they have very little experience in doing? When something is written it many times takes on the air of authority in some people's minds. Then it can be disputed, argued with, countered, and discredited. Of course that can lead to feelings of rejection, shame, humiliation etc. that are all feelings that actually are very frightening to my heart.

And yet, I have noticed something in this arena that almost seems counter-intuitive. I recently was led to a blog of someone who is writing about their own struggle with depression, who is actively involved in therapy for the healing of many traumatic memories in their past and is exposing their emotions and feelings they are going through in such a transparent way that I find myself encouraged. So many of the things this person writes resonate very deeply in my own heart and I am amazed at how eloquent they are at exposing what I am unable or too frightened to express myself.

While this other person is dealing with actual experiences that I have never encountered that are quite different factually from my own, the heart wounds and the blocks to healing seem strangely familiar to me. As I read about their ongoing, tortured lurches toward greater freedom of their spirit I get the sensation that they are in some ways much more advanced in maturity than I am even though I suspect they would strongly disagree with that assertion. But as I was sharing with my wife yesterday, I sense from the teachings of Jesus that from heaven's viewpoint the people who appear to us the weakest and most vulnerable may in fact be considered the greatest and most advanced in the eyes of God.

I have heard rumors at times of churches that have toyed with the idea of putting God's priorities in place in the choosing of leaders ahead of man's standards of measurement for maturity and qualifications for church office. This would certainly make things radically different that it is today in most churches, but would also likely result in far more real growth both in internal effectiveness and personal healing, in the bonding of the hearts of believers to each other and in drawing many more to the body of Christ. But sadly I don't believe this is going to be seen very much until after all of our human ways of doing things have been fully exposed as a fraud and we have experienced complete meltdown of monumental proportions that will cause us to abandon all of our notions of hierarchy for God's form of family in our organizations.

But that should not prevent us from individually recognizing the gifts and God's measure of maturity and the personal value of each person within our own circle of influence. When we see a person that in God's eyes has become real and in touch with their desperate need to cling to Him in every situation, we can treat that person with the respect and honor and admiration that heaven has for them. We can learn a great deal more from the humble of heart who to us may appear to be very weak by our standards but in the eyes of heaven are actually models of the grace and delicacy that is prized in the heavenly realms.

This reminds me of another aspect that has come to my attention lately. As I ponder this issue of vulnerability and the pros and cons surrounding it, I sense that what humans view as objectionable, weak and despicable may actually be the fragility of real beauty. When we consider the examples in nature of some of the most stunning beauty that we love to admire, much of it is actually extremely fragile and in need of a very protective environment for it to even exist. In my mind, this is an important lesson for the body of Christ. As a family of God we are supposed to be that protective environment in which fragility can be a thing of beauty and admiration instead a condition to be scorned and avoided.

This is what I am hearing all through these chapters in Romans as I look over them. Following the example of Jesus who made Himself a servant to us to protect us from the harshness of this world's abusive system of thinking, He showed us what real family should look like, how we must learn to relate to and care for each other that is radically opposite of what we have always assumed.

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself... (Romans 15:1-3)

When we truly discover the power of relationships in the way demonstrated by how Jesus treated people, we can be free of a spirit of condescension that makes someone feel shamed, and instead foster a spirit of comradeship that empowers and encourages them and fills them with hope and love. Again, writing these things and sensing them in my spirit seems to give me a sense of real truth, but there is another part of me that still taunts me and derides my conclusions as hollow and hypocritical because I am not a very good example of what I am learning.

I was reminded last night by someone how my own children repeatedly say that they don't care to listen to what I have to say until I start producing the fruit that I talk about. That certainly appears to be a legitimate statement, but it also frightens me that they seem to be waiting until I am fully healed before they are willing to even begin. It makes me feel very sad when I see people procrastinating their own healing process, using as an excuse the faults of those who promote ideas of healing. But each person is responsible for their own choices in life and I must pay attention to my own heart first.

But the amount of truth in their accusation certainly brings real pain to my heart because I feel that I am a stumblingblock preventing them from experiencing the joy of entering into real life and true intimacy. I feel the sting of the master accuser taking up their words and amplifying them many-fold in my mind and trying to drown me in discouragement. I hear his words internally, “You should just give up. You know that every time you try to come out into the open that it always backfires and people falsely accuse you of subversive motives, so just give up and become what they accuse you of being. Then at least you won't be a hypocrite any longer.”

At these times of feeling helpless and hopeless, when my inner false gods attack me and there is no one around to help bear my weaknesses, I have to turn away my attention from the accusations against me, turn away from trying to defend myself and assert the truth about my motives and intentions and simply cling to the One who promises to be my defender and protector. He knows all my faults, mistakes and the injuries that I have caused in other's hearts, but He does not heap condemnation on me even if I might deserve it. For condemnation only leads to despair and sucks away the life out of the soul.

It is in these moments that I am reminded that God is my only hope and that no matter how illogical it may sound or feel that I have to take my attention off of my own faults and the accusations of my friends and enemies and look to my Savior for guidance, strength, hope and direction for the next step. I have to hide myself in the atmosphere of His protecting grace where the delicate formations of beauty that He is creating in my heart can once again begin to grow and unfold.

And this atmosphere of grace and protection and joy strength that I experience in the presence of Jesus that allows my heart to heal and begin to thrive once again is the same thing that Jesus is asking me to extend to others. It is described here as the spirit of a servant, one who chooses to put other's needs ahead of their own, who accepts the potential of pain and shame in identifying with others who are even more vulnerable in order to protect them from the shaming attacks of the world around us. I can be an assistant to help Jesus create an atmosphere of grace around another hurting, damaged vulnerable heart so that it can begin to blossom with the unique beauty that God planted within it that has never yet been seen by other humans.

God, I hardly know how to even express these things in words. I feel so much in need of being strengthened myself and yet I hear You saying in these passages that I too need to minister in humility and love to others who are vulnerable. Please give me the eyes of heaven to perceive beauty and Your glory where others only see damage, scar tissue and ugly wounds. And I suspect that as I cooperate with Your healing work for others that I may find my own heart being strangely warmed, restored and energized with healing life.

But God, this all seems still like just a pipe-dream, an illusion that looks so wonderful but is not yet forming in reality in my experience. The more aware I am of my own weaknesses and vulnerabilities and failures the less capable I feel of engaging as Your assistant. Please take me under Your training and fill me with Your disposition so that I can be more effective in Your projects, in Your plans, in Your work in human hearts.

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