Subjection Revisited

As I have been forced vicariously to process through many of my emotions of anger and outrage at abuse of authority in the life of a dear friend, I am forced to face my own feelings still entangled in my heart and measure them against the Word that God has been confronting me with over the past few months. My friend has been thrown in prison for a number of months and recently was given many more months to wait for even any hope of a hearing date to then further wait for a legitimate trial. There has been no conviction of anything against him and yet it appears the corrupt judges can use the system to keep him in prison indefinitely to avoid exposure of their own corruption. All the while the extreme conditions and harsh treatment he is receiving in prison is draining away his very life forces while he waits for a corrupt judicial system to play out under the deceptive and manipulative whims of selfish and proud judges.

Does this sound like I am a little bit angry about this situation? This has aroused and ignited many of my own feelings of intense resentment and bitterness that probably resonate strongly with events in my childhood. I was charged with being rebellious, but ironically the spirit in which I was accused did nothing but inflame the very attitudes and spirit that I was being charged with. The punishments I received under those circumstances only served to intensify my hatred of those who seemed to care nothing for me as a person. It looked to me like I was often simply being used to serve as an outlet, a target for their selfish desires to control someone under their authority, a helpless person on which to vent their own frustrations.

These previous circumstances that embedded deep within my heart an intense resentment against nearly all authorities has been a plague in my life ever since and a deep fault line that God is clearly seeking to expose and address in my life now. I realized this as I have spent a considerable amount of time listening to His Spirit address me about these issues from Romans 13. But I also realize that I am not yet restored to where God wants me. That is quite evident by the intensity of my reactions to the injustice being endured by my friend presently.

So I find myself pulled back from Romans 14 temporarily to revisit these issues confronted in my life from the previous chapter. Only this time God has brought to my attention quite a bit of supporting or correlating information from other places in the New Testament that I had not noticed before that sheds a lot of light on Romans 13. I was recently led to 1 Peter 2 where there is a parallel passage very similar in nature to what Paul wrote in Romans 13. Then this morning as I more carefully reviewed this material I also discovered a lot more supporting insights from Ephesians.

Clearly God desires to bring healing to me in this area and He will use whatever it takes to bring this about. That is what I have asked Him to do so this is no surprise. I also appreciate that He starts by giving me opportunity to accept these lessons personally first before I am forced to learn them in much harsher and more public venues. But if I am to have these character flaws repaired fully in this way I must be willing to face my fears and anger head-on and accept everything that God wants to teach me.

I choose to cooperate with His will in this area and to engage again in a time of examination and healing, for I want to get free of this reservoir of anger, hatred and bitterness that lies deeply hidden still in my soul. It is a dangerous liability that my subconscious mind has been able to mask for many years, but I realize it is a potent source of danger that can prove fatal to me if not dealt with very seriously and thoroughly.

Jesus, thank-you for caring about my heart so much that You will not allow me to avoid facing this deeply rooted evil liability in my life. I trust You to take me through this while keeping close to me with Your presence. Please re-parent me and rewire my mind and heart so that I will reflect the way You react to injustice and abuse. Give me the eyes of heaven for those who engage in power plays for their selfish whims. Heal me from the anger and hatred that still poisons my spirit. Thank-you for inviting me to unload on You without getting upset with me but also insisting that I hear Your side of the story and accept Your perspective as well. It is so evident that Your kindness really can lead me to true repentance. Transform my heart to look and respond like Your heart for Your name's sake.

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