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I am still seeing even more clearly the pattern of shifting the focus from evaluation of the morality or condition of outside authorities toward in internal analysis of what is going on in my own heart and spirit. In the way Paul is couching his instructions here there is no mention of the potential corruptness of authorities, except for the fact that they are engaging in the activity of acting as avengers who bring wrath which I am warned against doing just a few verses previously.
But what is focused on here is the direct link between doing good and the ability to become free of fear and visa versa. If freedom of fear is dependent on the integrity of the authorities that would make this passage somewhat absurd or even out of touch with reality. That is highlighted in the example of the depravity of most of the authorities involved in the trial and crucifixion of Jesus. But Jesus' peace and complete freedom from the debilitation of fear during all that abuse was completely connected to the goodness that He not only performed externally but the goodness that filled His heart and that came from a complete dependence on His Father.
When these two verses are placed side by side it is more clearly seen the very close linkage between peace and goodness in contrast to evil and fear. In addition, these links are the primary issue in these verses with little to no reference as to whether the authorities involved are praising or persecuting. It is almost like Paul is using the background context of an idealism for earthly authorities to get the point across that it is my own choices about my own spirit and actions that are the deciding factor, not the spirit or actions of the authorities.
This is a very important truth that I want my heart to take hold of and deeply internalize. I am all too aware of my great weakness in this area of my life and my great need for healing and wholeness. The diversion has always been to become obsessed with focusing on the injustice, unfairness, abusive actions and illegitimacy of those claiming authority in my life. Those things may all possibly be very true, but if my own peace is made contingent on waiting for those evils to be corrected before I can enjoy peace myself, then I will never find the peace that I so desperately need in my heart. I cannot allow myself to be held hostage to the spirit or actions of others even if they are in positions of legitimate authority in my life.
When I choose to have my peace linked to the treatment received from someone else, then the inevitable result will be bitterness springing up inside of me. Bitterness is very clearly a poison that slowly eats away at the goodness and peace inside of me like an acid. It blinds me to the good in others, it infects my spirit in ways that are unseen to myself and it poisons many around me in more ways than I care to know about. Bitterness causes cynicism and sarcasm and highlights hypocrisy in the lives of others but also creates hypocrisy in my own life. Bitterness quickly grows roots deep into my psyche like a fast-growing tumor intertwining itself into the vital organs of my soul.
God has been alerting me to the diabolical effects and presence of the bitterness that has plagued my own heart for most of my life. I recently spent a month or more immersing myself in Hebrews 12 where this infection is explained rather clearly, because I realized my great need to face this sickness head-on. That was a very helpful time of education, not only for my mind but for my heart as well. It has helped me be more aware of my condition and has allowed me to listen more clearly and respond more quickly whenever the Spirit points out in real time to me whenever I am experiencing symptoms of this internal bitterness.
I have chosen to cooperate with the restoration and healing protocol that my Doctor, Jesus desires to administer to me to cleanse me of not only the tumor but to completely flush out of my system this deadly poison. I have been sensing a great deal more freedom as He is removing some of the more obvious and painful areas of this cancer, but I also realize I am still infected with this dangerous and malignant poison that can still cause more tumors if not completely eradicated from my spirit. I need daily injections of antidotes and strong drugs from the pharmacy of heaven to keep me in my healing process. I need to learn new ways of thinking and have old paradigms challenged and rejected while I learn to see others through the eyes of heaven instead of the suspicion of bitterness. This all has to be under the close supervision of the Holy Spirit.
I have been more aware of this process of healing and shifting of paradigms recently. I am grateful that Jesus is responsible for arranging the treatment protocol and for accomplishing His purposes in me. Whenever I begin to think that I must somehow figure out how to be good enough to become free of this cancer I very quickly get discouraged. But then I realize that this is actually part of the delusional effects of this internal poison and I need to throw myself on the mercy and grace of my Savior and ingest even stronger doses of divine, healing “drugs” in order to counteract these lies of self-dependence. And I need to submit myself to the only Surgeon who has complete expertise in removing cancer and in accomplishing total and permanent remission.
I listened last night as a friend of mine related how that much of his past had been lived with deep bitterness and negativity. But at the same time he had been very proud of the fact that he was a person that could get things accomplished and done well. Whenever he started a job he made sure that he finished it; and whenever he set his mind to do something he knew it would be done right. He was outwardly very performance oriented and was quite proud of it. But inwardly he was very bitter and was so much so that he earned the nick-name from his friends, “the bitter boy”. He told us that he was even proud of that name until God changed his life and his spirit.
Now he is seeking to know his true identity in his relationship with God and following God's will for his life. He is presently a teacher in a public school and is a worship leader at his church. He also helps lead out in the small group that is ministering to a good number of young adults and is passionate to share the goodness of God with others. I was very surprised to hear this testimony from him last night but was also very encouraged because I could identity so much with what he was talking about.
What I am impressed with in these verses is that the goodness that I need in order to be free of fear of authorities must be the kind of goodness that comes from an intimate relationship with the Source of any and all goodness. It is not a performance-based goodness that I must generate so that I can stay out of the cross-hairs of authorities looking for targets to unload vengeance on. I must have a transformation of heart and have the Spirit of Jesus dwelling in my soul in such an intense and real way that no matter how I am treated, whether with praise or with abuse, I will be able to demonstrate the inner peace and a spirit of forgiveness that passes all understanding and that is free of all fear.
Father, thank-you so much for beginning to open up my awareness to these truths and principles from this passage. I know You desire to accomplish a healing in me that has long been needed and I give you full permission to continue to be my doctor. Do whatever it takes to cleanse me from all of this poison that causes me to link my identity to my performance. Thank-you for revealing the real truth about You and Your feelings and desires for my heart through Your Son Jesus. Dwell in my own heart today and cleanse me of all resistance to You. Make me a safe and empty light bulb so that Your passion and power can make me a source of illumination that will not burn out quickly. Glorify Your name in my life today.
Yes, we are frequently very surprised when we discover what's really going on inside our heads - and in the hearts of others.
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