Gatesitter scene 1

I've been fascinated by the story of Peter, John and the lame man at the gate found in Acts 3. the man had been carried along all his life. He was lame from his mother's womb. He had received lameness from his parents; it wasn't his fault. But it was the only identity he was aware of and he had become just as lame socially, emotionally and spiritually as he was physically. He had sat all his life while wishing he could be free. He had become depressed and disconnected from those around him to avoid increasing his emotional pain. He felt deep shame and lived it out by begging, groveling for mercy from others who often ignored and gave him more shame.

He avoided eye contact with everyone because he felt worthless and helpless. Nearly everyone continually sent him identity messages that were deeply ingrained in his psyche – that he was just a pitiful beggar who sat all the time sponging his living off of others. No one was glad to be with him. No one wanted to touch or hold him close. No one cared about his heart and his feelings. This was who he was. This was all he knew.

And although in his fantasies he wished he could be free, everything believed by people around him said that change was impossible. His problems were too big to surmount. The best he should expect is to entice sympathetic friends to help him cope with his disability and just accept life as it had been dealt him. He was resigned to his fate. He would just spend his time outside the gate of God's house taking advantage of the heavier traffic at this location to beg.

His heart and soul longed to see inside the temple and be able to worship and praise God freely in His house like others. He wistfully desired to throw himself with complete abandon into worship and adoration of a merciful and loving Father. But was there even such a God like that? The God he had been taught about all his life was not very merciful and compassionate. This God of the Pharisees blessed the “good religious” people and cursed sinners and their children with sickness, physical defects and poverty. The God of the Jews according to the religious teachers was arbitrary and insisted on strict obedience to thousands of detailed regulations to earn His favor.

This man was shut out from God by stern rules enforced by stern people. And now he had nearly given up all hope. God must view him as too unworthy to heal. After all, for 3 ½ years Jesus had healed people all around the area and stories abounded of other lame men set free and made whole. But he had never been selected. He had always been passed by or was in the wrong place and missed every opportunity to see Jesus himself.

And now Jesus had been crucified and was no longer around. The future looked darker than ever. He was now resigned to just existing and accepting his lot in life. This must be his destiny. This must be God's will.

Sometimes as he sat outside the temple or was being carried by his few friends he would watch little children playing, running and laughing in the streets and alleys. This always created a deep aching in his heart. He felt a little envious of the freedom that little children seemed to enjoy in their spirit as well as their bodies. They seemed so uninhibited when adults were not frowning over them, and could express their joy not only with shouts and laughter but were not ashamed to celebrate just being alive with spontaneous dancing, leaping and running with glee. How he longed not only to be able to physically be free but to emotionally celebrate life like an excited innocent little child bursting with life and happiness and joy.

(click here for scene 2)