Learning to Receive

A man can receive nothing unless it has been given him from heaven. (John 3:27)

This looks to me like maybe it is one of those principles that govern reality that I come across every once in awhile. At first glance it looks rather simple and plain until one begins to compare various other verses and concepts with it. Then it begins to take on a much deeper significance.

One thing that comes to my attention is something I learned a few years ago. It was pointed out that the brain is designed in such a way that as it is maturing it needs to learn certain principles or concepts before it is ready to properly learn others. If someone is forced to learn certain lessons without first absorbing the prerequisite principles and lessons and internalizing them, the more advanced concepts may appear to be incorporated into the life but there will be important missing foundational pieces that cause internal weaknesses even though the externals may appear to be correct.

This verse reminds me of just such a situation. It is the duty of an infant to first learn to receive everything with joy. This is far more important than most people realize, particularly in the Christian community because of our strong emphasis on unselfishness and giving to others. This sets us up to try to rush young children into lessons of giving and sharing sometimes too quickly because we don't understand the importance of first making sure they have learned the foundational principle of receiving gladly and experiencing joy with those around them.

When a person is pushed too early to give selflessly before they learn to receive with joy it forces them to start learning hypocrisy. Christian children are very often trained emphatically to give and share but more from a sense of duty instead of from a basis of joy and satisfaction. When this is done what is produced are adults who may be apparently generous, who faithfully support the church and missions and who are eager to pressure others to do the same. But too often these people who appear generous on the outside are motivated more from a sense of trying to avoid guilt or condemnation or shame than they are from a sense of fullness and joy and resting in the blessings and presence of a loving Father.

A person who has failed to learn to first receive with joy will find it difficult at best to give with joy and with cheerfulness. They may try to appear cheerful while giving but even this is from a sense of duty and obligation more than from a genuine gladness that springs spontaneously from the heart. I am one of those people and it was not until I learned this truth a few years ago that I could begin to understand what my real problem was. When this became more clear to me I began to see very clearly my inability to receive with joy and experience peace whenever someone wanted to bless me or affirm me or compliment me.

The symptoms of this dysfunction are seen often in my struggle to know how to relate to compliments from others. I have struggled with this in various ways for all of my life. I evidently had a catastrophic failure very early on learning to receive with joy and I certainly can remember the many times I was pressured to pretend appreciation for gifts received. This forced me to demonstrate appreciation on strictly a superficial level without any regard for being truthful about what my heart was feeling. The same thing went for dealing with offenses. I was repeatedly forced to say “I'm sorry” without any genuine heart condition to support that claim. Appearances were far more important in my culture than any attention paid to the real condition of the heart. Thus I learned to conform on the outside while trying very hard to suppress any conflicting feelings and frustrations that continued to increase on the inside.

Because I still have a gap in that area of my character foundation I continue to find it difficult to both receive and to give without resistance. Maybe that is why I find this text so compelling to me. Instead of focusing on giving which is the more advanced lesson of maturity, John here spells out very clearly that everything we receive comes from God. It is so important to have this view of reality clear in our minds. Everything proceeds from God – all life, all matter, everything that exists is created and sustained by the power of His word.

Immediately we begin to wonder about all the bad things that come to us and how that fits into this principle. The problem is not that God sends bad things our way but that the good things sent by Him in our direction get twisted, perverted distorted and hijacked by sin and sinners before they reach us. Sin has wreaked havoc in God's universe and salvation is the grand plan to repair and restore us from all of this damage. This includes the repairs needed to rectify the dysfunction of trying to give without first learning to receive with joy.

As I think about this more thoroughly I realize that one reason I have a hard time receiving with joy is that it was early on improperly linked to selfishness in my thinking. It became connected inside my mind that to receive anything nice, especially compliments was considered self-indulgence and was at least a little sinful. Over time this resulted in a feeling of guilt and condemnation each time I was the recipient of a compliment and I felt compelled to discount that compliment or affirmation to avoid the internal discomfort and guilt that would surely result if I accepted it freely.

This of course had the effect of dampening anyone's desire to offer me good things since I was so unappreciative. The result was that I lived largely in isolation feeling discouraged in my attempts to offer my talents and gifts to others since I could not receive anything positive in return. This pattern of thinking now seems to me to be clearly designed in the mind of the prince of hell himself. All of Satan's schemes are designed to diminish life and happiness and joy and to slowly destroy God's image in our hearts.

I believe that as I learn the remedial lessons of how to receive with grace and with joy that I will then be more free to move on to being much more able to give with cheerfulness and joy as well. Instead of discounting what others do for me or diminishing their compliments I will be able to engage and encourage them in acknowledging the privileges God has given me to share with them.

As I learn to live life receiving everything as from heaven and trusting my heavenly Father to work all things together for good even when they initially may be very bad, I believe that I will better be able to give without grudging. I feel I need to learn these lessons soon so that I can get unstuck in this area of my dwarfed maturity. It will likely have dramatic effects on all my relationships as well as my outlook on life. But I have to rest in God's plans for my rehabilitation and cooperate with His methods.

A man can receive nothing unless it has been given him from heaven. And that even includes my own healing.