Is God True?

I am still attracted to this compelling phrase in John 3:33, God is true. I know that on the intellectual religious level this is a no-brainer. But I also know in my heart that this is the core issue at the very center of the war going on over every one of our souls. It is one thing to say with our mouth and think we believe with our mind that God is true, but when it comes right down to it, when things are going wrong, when our feelings are deeply hurt, when we are wounded at a very deep level, it is those times when that belief comes into very serious question and experiences enormous stress.

For two times now I have listed things here that I see in this passage that are presented as to what is true about God. It is true that Jesus and all who receive His testimony speak the words of God. It is true that God gives the Spirit without measure, that God loves the Son along with all humanity that has been redeemed by the Son. It is true that all things for our good are available because everything has been given to the Son and we are His special interest. It is true that as we believe in the Son that we have eternal life right now.

But then, if I am honest and am willing to acknowledge the emotions I feel stirring around in my heart when I think about these statements I have to admit that most of them do not resonate deeply within me as really true in my experience. If I get past the “right” answers that I know I am supposed to say to be religiously correct and admit what my gut-level reactions think about these things, then I realize that not all of my heart yet believes these stated truths.

Yes, I know that I have been taught to overlook those feelings in the name of faith. I am “supposed” to focus on the truth no matter how I feel, and there is certainly a great deal of truth in that statement. However there is also a subtle error in the implications that are often inferred in those admonitions that has caused millions of people to become hopelessly discouraged and finally give up on trying to be a Christian. It is assumed from these assertions that we are supposed to repress any feelings of unbelief and pretend that we believe even when our heart is not buying it. This way of trying to believe is very widespread among Christians but I believe it is actually a counterfeit of real faith and belief.

I am coming to realize that it is impossible for me to believe fully with my heart unless I am first willing to get bluntly honest about what is already in there. I am convinced that God never intends for us to repress anything that is in our heart; that would be to encourage hypocrisy and God is not into that kind of religion. God already knows fully what is in our hearts but He needs us to be honest about what is in there before He can receive permission from us to access our heart and then transform those doubts into real faith.

This is not to imply that we should go around expressing our unbelief to everyone around us. It is one thing to get honest before God and ourself about the doubt, unbelief and evil in our own heart and face it squarely confessing it to God, and it is something else entirely different to use our influence and public expressions to spread our darkness around to others causing them to become discouraged. Other human beings were never the ones designated to confess our darkness to, that is the role that Jesus came to fill. But if we don't learn the importance of getting real about what is inside of us in a very deliberate and intentional way before ourselves and before God, I don't believe it is possible to make significant progress in spiritual maturity.

I also believe that there is a time for confessing our faults to others if it is in the context of pursuing God publicly as well as privately. But what is important is the reason and the spirit behind what we are saying – that is the most important thing in developing true spirituality. We have had far too much emphasis on cultivating a culture of religious people who can spit out the right answers to all of these issues but who are out of touch with what is really going on at the heart level. This is part of the deception of sin that has infiltrated religion and stripped it of most of its power to change and save us. It is because we are not being honest about what is going on at the deepest levels within our hearts and souls that we are so frustrated with the seeming powerlessness of the Word of God.

So I believe that it simply is not enough for me to “say” that all of these things in this list are true. That may be a “profession of faith”, but it is not a real confession of belief. When my heart secretly believes one thing and my head insists that I believe “the truth”, then in reality I am making myself a double-minded man and should not expect to receive anything from God according to James. And in the words that I find right here in John 3, I will also not be able to see life and furthermore I will discover that the wrath of God abides on me. (I discussed at length this issue of the wrath of God in my last post)

Frankly I am tired of living life with subconscious wrath underlying many of the things that I do or feel. While it has been thoroughly hidden rather well for many years I am coming to realize that it has not gone away anywhere but is still abiding deep inside my heart. To say that wrath abides in me is really a rather accurate description now that I think about it, even though it is not obvious to most others and often even to myself. Over the past few years I have become more and more aware of this deeply hidden reservoir of wrath inside of me that has never been dealt with and over the past few months it has become exposed much more than it has been in years.

But that is really good in a way, even though it doesn't feel like it at all. I realize that until I get real about what is deep in my own heart and admit it to God that He can't do what He wants to do to heal me of these deep wounds that fuel this cauldron of inner wrath. And while I don't need to allow this inner wrath to spill out all over other people who may trigger its outbursts, I do have to face it squarely from the inside and be willing to come into alignment with what the Holy Spirit wants to reveal to me about myself. For I believe that one of the most important things in life is for each person to become completely honest about their inner reality in order for them to be able to give God permission to take them through a process of healing and restoration to a much better reality that they have never experienced before.

Having said all of that, I also need to affirm the truth that confessing the words of God as truth even though my heart may not presently believe them is also vitally important. If all I talk and think about is the problems and lies embedded in my heart, then I will only create an atmosphere of deeper darkness and will not be able to find hope. Just as important as getting real about what is inside of me I need to keep pumping the real truth about reality and especially about God into the atmosphere surrounding my soul. For one of the strongest principles of reality that is unavoidable is that whatever I focus on very long is what I become. By beholding I become changed.

So there seems to be a dual task for me as far as I can see it right now. There is need to come clean about what is inside and stop repressing the truth that the Spirit continually seeks to expose about my true condition. But my condition is not definitive of my identity and that is extremely important to differentiate. My sinful, unbelieving condition may be real and need to be faced honestly, but I must never allow my awareness of my sinful condition and the presence of my sinful nature to keep me from embracing the incredible truth that God has given me an identity in Christ that is totally different from the faults and sinful desires that I find within me. This is the part that confuses many people including myself, but is the point that I must come to understand more plainly if I want to dispel the darkness of discouragement.

So in addition to confessing to God and to myself the things that get stirred up from the nasty mud in my soul, I also need to flood my inner containers with the real truth as it is in Jesus. It is light that dispels darkness. When I am willing to admit that darkness is in the rooms of my mind and heart, then I can seek God to bring His light of love and truth into those dark, frightening places within me and bring about healing and wholeness where there is now fear and shame and hatred.

As I see more clearly in this passage, for my testimony to authentically affirm that God is true I need to have my heart more deeply healed in the areas where it does not feel like confirming the truths that I read here. It is only as my heart begins to honestly affirm these truths and testify to the healing, restoring work of God deep within my own soul that my external testimony will take on the ability to add my own seal to this fact. It is as my own double-mindedness is dissolved into congruity and consistency between what my head believes and what my heart feels that my testimony will take on real impact. This is what gives real authenticity and power to the testimony of those are are filled with and led by the Spirit of God. And this is the life that I pursue and want to experience fully.