This Joy of Mine

...The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom's voice. So this joy of mine has been made full. He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 3:29-30)

I want to learn and experience more fully the kind of joy that John talks about here. This is obviously very different from the happiness that we typically think of when we hear the word joy. Most of the good inside feelings that we long to experience in conjunction with what we think should be joy comes from things that happen to us, things people say about us that make us feel good, material blessings that make us feel more important or valuable or even physical sensations that stimulate us emotionally.

But the kind of joy described here in John's experience is radically different than most things we are usually looking for. In fact, if we are not careful this description can easily slip into the sterile realm of clichés from religion that still don't produce the real joy that we were designed to thrive on. I was raised for much of my life being told to be unselfish, to give generously to those in need, to be self-sacrificial, to deny myself and somehow all of this was supposed to result in my being happy. But about all that resulted from it was me becoming bitter and resentful and rebellious and even suspicious of the authenticity of my religion. Forcing one to go through the motions of unselfishness never produces love and joy, whether that one is someone else or yourself. It is only like pinning fruit onto a tree and trying to believe that the tree is finally producing fruit.

But John is authentically describing a real joy that he experienced and that was intensifying as He watched Jesus' popularity grow and his own popularity wane. This is rather backwards to what we typically believe will bring us joy. But that is why I want to really know what is involved in experiencing this genuine joy that John experienced. I want to listen to what he says about it because I believe he understood and participated in something far deeper than nearly anyone else has ever encountered in relationship with God.

John says that the friend stands and hears. That reminds me of another text that says nearly the same thing. Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! (Psalms 46:10 NKJV) I am impressed even more with another translation of this verse. Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalms 46:10 NAS95)

But I never really thought of this verse in connection with joy before. It was usually used as a weapon to force people to be quiet in church which never really produced feelings of joy inside of me. But as I ponder on this I realize that in my own life many times God has asked me to be still, to let go of my whirling thoughts and fears and plans and to empty my mind of all distractions so that I can more clearly hear the quiet voice of His Spirit speaking to me at the heart level.

Intimacy requires quietness much of the time. Most people know this intuitively but we sometimes fail to apply this principle to our relationship with God. But knowing God from a Biblical perspective involves having a very close intimate relationship of love with God even more than any humans can ever have with each other. Intimacy with another human almost always requires that we spend considerable time in quiet moments listening to the other opening up their heart and sharing their deepest soul with us. Effective and bonding intimacy also requires that both people are willing to open up and become vulnerable and transparent with each other, not just one side. When only one party is willing to open up and the other just listens and gives opinions or advice, that is the model of a counterfeit relationship often known as professional or counselor. It appears to help people at times but it does nothing to foster the kind of close-knit bonds at the heart level required to experience the joy of intimacy and true love.

Be still and know – stand and listen. Both of these things are the ingredients necessary for creating an atmosphere where joy can grow and thrive. And I know that I need to learn this lesson myself much better.

But I also am reminded that this intimacy that John is talking about that produced so much joy inside of him is not necessarily in the context of an exclusive two-way bond between him and his best Friend. For John is clearly talking about a situation where his best Friend is using John to draw others into intimacy with Him, attracting more people into close fellowship and love with this Friend. And a real friend of the Bridegroom will find that participating in drawing others into this close intimacy with his best Friend results in a kind of joy that is exhilarating and fulfilling.

What is it that he is listening to as he stands still? Is it the words addressed to his own heart by his Friend or is it when he hears the voice of the Spirit of Jesus speaking words of comfort, love, assurance, conviction and hope to those John is bringing into closer proximity to be attracted to Him? This is a joy that is reported by many people who have discovered this kind of experience in doing a similar work to what John was doing. It is a joy that seems to come indirectly through watching the hearts of others begin to respond positively to the attractions of heaven. It is a joy that is ignited whenever one sees the lights come on inside someone else as you share with them the potential for life and peace and hope that hearts have been yearning for and missing all of their lives. It is a joy that can happen because the family of God is being enlarged as souls are warmed with new hope and faith and an awakening to the real truth about God's feelings towards them.

There is certainly a need to experience the two-way bonds of joy in love and intimacy with Jesus that is so needed early on in the genuine Christian experience of new life. And this kind of intimacy and joy must be continued and nurtured all throughout our experience. But it will begin to wither and go stale if we do not respond to the invitation of Jesus to enter into a more dynamic phase of our growth and allow Him to work through us to attract others into that same kind of closeness and richness that we are beginning to enjoy. But when we do participate and cooperate with God's plan to enlarge and enrich the body of Christ in this way, we begin to tap into much deeper and broader dimensions of joy that is the driving force of all of heaven.

For a few moments this morning I felt a slight sensation, like a glimpse of reality from heaven's perspective of what the fundamental assumptions are in heaven. It is so hard to describe that accurately because assumptions are almost always subconscious and to describe them to others means that their assumptions are applied to the words and the meaning is often largely lost in the process.

But I sensed, at least for a few moments, how vital it is for me to enter into a completely different mode of thinking, of relating, of desire if I am to be emotionally prepared to become integrated into the society and joys of the angels of God. That atmosphere, as many people talk about, is full of praise and worship and singing and joy. But because of our earthly perspective and the influence of false ideas about religion that permeate everything we think and feel, we often get the subtle idea that this is a requirement instead of something spontaneous. Of course it sounds silly to even say that, but that is the very nature of subconscious lies – they become silly when exposed to the open but deep inside they still feel true and we make many decisions based on them.

The more that I sense God revealing to me that true religion has far more to do with the condition of my heart than the information subscribed to or contained in my head, the more I can begin to understand a little bit what this praise, gratitude and worship is really about. I have observed that much of our praise experiences are often rooted in selfish desires to feel good or maybe to impress God or others around us. Much of our thanksgiving exercises are likewise based on a gratitude focused on the externals, the material benefits we enjoy, the nice things that have happened to us or even the good answers we sometimes receive to prayers tainted with selfish desires. And our worship is so confusing that I sometimes wonder if anyone really understands the real focus of worship. When I step back a bit and think about many of our worship exercises I realize that much if not most of our worship is focused more on our own traditions, our own feelings or on the performers who are supposed to be leading out in our worship rather than an intentional focus on God Himself.

As I have become a little more aware of what is really involved in worship I realize that real worship of God happens very little in a church setting despite all of our claims to the contrary. Much more worship of God I believe occurs spontaneously at times and in places where we might least expect to find it. In fact, I have sometimes been overcome with a desire to express genuine worship to God in the middle of situations where it seems almost bizarre and even embarrassing. It is then that I am chagrined to realize how much I still am intimidated more by what other people think about me than I am confident and bold in what God thinks about me.

I am learning that true, authentic worship, praise and gratitude need to come from a reservoir of joy that fills the heart of the worshiper. I have also learned in the past few years that the real meaning of joy is always that inspiration and feeling of value that one gets from knowing you are special to someone else and that they genuinely and intensely desire to be with you no matter how you are feeling at the moment. This kind of joy imparts an amazing amount of power into the heart and soul of a person and is like a breath of fresh air that can cause them to thrive and grow in love and grace. What I am seeing here is that this is the kind of joy that John was talking about, a joy that came from a heart connection with God and that made John an extremely bold friend of God, publicly declaring the real truth about God to awaken other hearts to come and experience for themselves the Heart that was giving him so much joy.

And it is only in this context that a person can authentically say from the heart that He must increase, but I must decrease. This is not something that can be put on from the outside and be truly effective. This must be an expression of the true belief of a heart that has been enriched and fulfilled with the love that he wants others to experience. John is not saying here that his own relationship with God must decrease – not in the slightest. His own joy would ever continue to intensify as he saw more and more people responding to the Source of all love and healing and salvation. What he was saying was that in the eyes of others and in their hearts, Jesus would become more and more important and intimate to them while the one who had initially attracted them into the relationship to start with would become less and less visible and noticeable to them. This is the mark of a true and loyal friend of the Bridegroom. And this is what will produce the kind of real joy that John was experiencing and that I too can experience as I learn to follow his example.