Loving Darkness

And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. (John 3:19 NKJV)

And this is the test by which men are judged: the light has come into the world and men have more love for the dark than for the light, because their acts are evil. (John 3:19 BBE)

I am interested in trying to understand better what this relationship is between deeds of evil and love of darkness. For there must be something inherent in this fatal connection that causes those who remain in this state of mind to experience condemnation. And this is not just a problem for others out there but is always a very present danger for me and for those around me. Being so familiar with a long history of feeling condemned for much of my life I realize that this is a very relevant issue for me.

It is all too easy to discount the personal applicability of this verse to ourselves and somehow think that it only applies to others. Most Christians assume that they believe in the light and that it is someone else who must have this problem with loving darkness, not them. So we proceed to use our own situations or system of beliefs to define what the word darkness means and what constitutes evil deeds. But interestingly Jesus Himself applied a term along the line of evil deeds to people who were actively engaged in apparently very Christian-looking and sounding activities but who didn't have an intimate relationship with Him personally. He called them workers of iniquity. (see Luke 13:24-30, Matt. 7:21-23)

It appears to me that this passage is one of the explanations of the definition of what judgment is as presented by the Bible, or at least what causes the sense of condemnation that people who are found to be lost in the judgment experience. Apparently the core reason for the overwhelming feelings of guilt and condemnation that finally overtake those who find themselves hopelessly out of touch with reality and God is because they have chosen to prefer the comfort of remaining in relative darkness where they are used to living rather than endure the discomfort and pain of exposure and change that inevitably comes with the increased presence of light.

This is affirmed in the chapter of 1 Thess. 2 where the subject of judgment and condemnation is examined in more detail. There it clearly reveals that the reason anyone will be lost is because they refused to accept a love for the truth. Jesus says here that they love darkness rather than light. So the next question that really needs to be unpacked is, what is the true nature of this light and darkness and the real truth about what is truth.

I am starting to read a new book I just purchased called The Truth About Lies and Lies About Truth by David Takle. I have not even read through the first chapter and already I am deeply impressed and eager to read the whole book. This book can be purchased from Shepherd's House where it was published and which also has a great deal of other very effective resources for those serious about growing in maturity and learning to effectively bond with others and with God. This book brings together some of the most effective insights from various sources into one place that can help us really understand what is going on inside of us regarding this thing we call belief.

I find it providential that I got this book at this time in particular. One of the reasons that I chose to immerse myself in the book of John at this time was because I have a deepening desire to experience belief in Jesus at a far deeper level than ever before. Since it is very clear that John was likewise very focused on this issue I believe that marinating in these passages and listening for whatever the Spirit of God brings to my attention day after day might be one of the best things I could do right now to create a conducive atmosphere in my own heart and life for faith to grow. Now I come across this book that is also focused on unpacking more clearly just what is involved in believing and some of the hindrances to living in real belief that are likely some of the hangups that have kept me from living in more faith.

Because of the very nature of deception itself, I suspect that if I am honest enough I am going to discover many more areas in my own heart where I am still loving darkness rather than light. I do not want to continue living that way because I know it will prove to be fatal for me if I do not change that perspective. I want to cultivate a disposition of love for light in my soul no matter how uncomfortable it is going to make me. I also realize that it is easy to say such things but much different to actually make choices based on that idea when the discomfort becomes very intense. That is why I have to simply trust God to continue to draw me to His heart and keep giving me a spirit of willingness to surrender to His increasing revelations of light to my mind and heart.

I realize that it is more important for me to deal with my own love of darkness and become free of it far more than it is necessary for me to be able to see it in other people. Of course it is far less discomfiting to focus on how others love darkness rather than light instead of my own resistance to light, but that too easily becomes an out for me to avoid necessary convictions that I need to face and accept from God's Spirit. I want to grow in grace and in a real and saving knowledge of God and of my Savior without sidestepping conviction in any way so that my own witness for His grace can be more authentic and compelling. And I certainly do not want to be found among those Jesus talked about who were absolutely convinced that they were going to be saved in heaven because of all their truth and good works and correct beliefs but were shocked to learn that Jesus didn't know them in the way that is necessary for salvation in the end.

Father, please reveal to me the areas of my life where I still don't really believe in You. Show me where I still love darkness rather than light and am afraid of You shining Your light into dark places inside of me that make me feel terrified. But don't stop with just showing me these vulnerable areas of my soul but go ahead and shine Your light of healing, grace and love into those pockets of lies that still resist You that remain embedded in my mind. Do whatever it takes to bring the healing process of my own heart to full maturity and restoration. Make me the focus of Your healing love and an example of Your transforming grace for Your glory.

Who's Judging Who?

He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (John 3:18)

I just noticed something in this verse relative to the previous verses that I had not seen before. It is the number of options or choices that mankind has verses the number of choices God makes. Let me explain.

The typical assumption that most people make about salvation is that God is so angry against sinners that He wants to destroy them or torture them indefinitely in revenge for their rebellion against His authority. Jesus came along and interposed Himself into the situation and took the wrath of the Father upon Himself thereby providing an escape loophole whereby sinners might be able to live for eternity in heaven with Jesus instead of burning in hell. This is sometimes called the three-party arrangement.

This view of religion paints God as the one with two choices or two options and Jesus is trying to change God's mind about which one He is going to take toward each sinner based on how they respond to the offer of Jesus to take their place. I believed this version of religion for most of my life until a few years ago when God led me through some intense investigation of Scripture and to challenge my own assumptions inherited from typical religious instruction. Then I began to see God in a radically different light, a whole new paradigm that has caused me to perceive every teaching of the Bible from a completely different perspective.

What I now see much more clearly is what is presented in these verses. It is not God who is the one with the problem that needs to be corrected. It is not God who's mind needs to be swayed to choose the better option in regards to our eternal destiny as most people suppose. It is us who have the option, the choice as to what we are going to believe about how God feels about us. And the consequences of that choice inherently – not imposed by God but simply the outworking of natural cause and effect – the consequences of choosing how I am going to perceive God's attitude toward me will determine whether I experience condemnation or whether I experience freedom, joy and abundant life.

The first scenario believed in by most so-called Christians today presents a three-party arrangement whereby Jesus is trying to cast the vote that will help us win the argument with God. The latter belief and the one taught by the Bible sees that Jesus and God are one in their opinion and attitude towards sinners and that they both are doing everything possible to change our minds about them, not to change God's mind about us. For they know that if we refuse to believe and embrace the real truth about God that what we will experience, as a natural result due to the nature of principles as real as the universe, that we are going to suffer the wages paid out by sin itself, not wages imposed on us by an angry God.

Yes, it is clear that God has often resorted to using our language, our concepts in this regards, our false assumptions about justice at times to talk to us in attempts to get us to listen. He uses language that portrays Him acting and feeling like earthly parents at times because that is the only thing people could relate to in their ignorance. But just because a parent sometimes imitates a child using childish mentality and logic in order to get a child to understand a little bit of what the parent is trying to convey to them does not mean that the parent is actually as simplistic or immature as the child. Likewise, it is a very dangerous assumption to declare that God has anger and wrath and exercises vengeance just like we do simply because He uses terms that sound so much like the feelings we experience in our own immaturity.

We should never project our immature, selfish-based feelings and motives onto God and believe that He acts and feels just like we do simply because the things He says resonate so much with those feelings and motives inside of us. Most of the lies about God and our twisted views of His personality and relationship with us come from believing that He feels toward us the way we would feel when slighted or insulted.

God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent; has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good? (Numbers 23:19)

What is coming through these verses from the book of John in the words of Jesus Himself is that the real problem centers in us, not in the Father. Jesus makes it crystal clear that the Father is the one who loved the world so much that He sent the Son to display His love in the world to change our minds about Him. Changing our minds about God is what is called believing and is one of the main focal points of the book of John. John, along with Jesus, is focused on trying to get us to see that it is our mind and heart that must change if we are to avoid the consequences of condemnation that comes from sin. And sin is the condition of believing the lies about God instigated by His enemy “the accuser”.

When this view begins to be seen more clearly, every other doctrine suddenly has to be revisited in the light of this paradigm. Especially is the doctrine of atonement transformed when applied to the real truth about who it is that needs to have their mind swayed. When it becomes clear that it is not God's opinion about us that needs swaying or changing but it is always our opinion about God that is the determining factor, then the assumptions and implications that have frightened us in words like atonement, payment, intercession, mediator and even Savior suddenly take on a radically different character.

Father, continue to clarify this wonderful truth about you more in my own thinking and feelings. Train me to realize that the condemnation that I feel does not come from you even though it always appears when Your presence exposes my resistance to Your holiness. Show me more of the real truth about You. Show me Your face. Show me Your heart of infinite love, compassion and goodness.

Synchronization and Judgment

For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. (John 3:17)

I just got done reading a lesson that asserts commonly taught views about God, salvation, wrath and beliefs about what happened when Jesus died on the cross. It stirred up feelings inside of me that I had to stop and face squarely and deal with before I could have peace. I am learning how to better relate to people who believe and teach things that I have come to believe are false and misrepresentative of the real truth about God.

One thing I realized is that I need to have the same atmosphere of instant forgiveness that surrounded the person of Jesus. I am starting to realize that when the things people say ruffle me it is partly because I am being induced into being synchronized with their beliefs or opinions. Humans do that, you know. It is our nature to want to synchronize with each other emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and even physically at times. Synchronization is part of how God designed us to live and so our desire for it is unavoidable. Conflict and tension occurs when we find ourselves out of synchronization with those around us.

I am learning that I can choose to be different than others, to believe differently and choose a different path without allowing the tension inevitably produced to threaten my own sense of identity or value. But this can only take place to the extent that I have secured my sense of value and identity on my relationship with my Creator instead of on what others think about me. Much easier said than done many times but still vitally true.

So I simply stopped in my reading of this lesson I was studying and asked God to deal with this trigger that still threatens my peace inside. I also asked Him to explain to me some of the things that were disturbing me and creating conflict inside my own thinking. There are things from God's word that appear to be in direct contradiction with each other at times until they are viewed from a different perspective and I need to remember that I usually can't resolve that dilemma without wisdom from God. But when given insights through the Holy Spirit many of these things suddenly find beautiful synchronization of their own as the background picture comes into better focus.

When I opened my Bible to meditate on John 3 again I felt a wave of refreshment as I read these verses about God's way of relating to the world and the sin problem. It was part of the answer that I had just been praying for and encouraged me to see things better from God's perspective instead of through the lenses of various theologians attempting to hammer out doctrines in religion. It also gives me yet more insight into how various issues in the big picture fit together perfectly, though I still have a long way to go to understand them all clearly.

I suppose many people assume that though this verse says that Jesus did not come to judge or condemn the world when He came the first time, that God will be different the second time He comes back. Most Christians believe that there is coming a future day of judgment when God is going to change the way He relates to us, that He is going to take on a different posture and attitude towards sinners than what was displayed by Jesus while here on earth.

It is believed by most that on that day of judgment (with all sorts of dark connotations associated with that word), then God is not going to be nearly so merciful as Jesus was, but is going to be very nit-picky about combing through our records and history looking for reasons why we should be saved or lost. Most of these pictures are based on the concept of God arbitrarily reviewing the records of our behavior, our words, our thoughts and the way we treated others to determine if we are worthy of heaven or not. Then some person's version of grace and justice is applied to these scenarios depending on the opinions of those teaching it, and then the arguments commence once again.

But in my studies of the Bible over the past few years, I have been led to challenge every word and doctrine that I have ever been taught and to critically examine them in great detail. I have discovered that they have been hijacked and morphed into meaning something different than originally intended. As I have continued to explore their true meanings and applications I have begun to perceive an ever-increasing glory that I could never see before in the system of truth as revealed in the life and teachings of Jesus. The truth about God's attitude towards us and the truth about the judgment were some of the most liberating transformations for me that have ever occurred thus far.

What is becoming more and more clear to me the longer I look into discovering the real truth about these concepts is the element of fear. When fear is assumed to be the foundation of theology and God's dealings with us, then false ideas about God, about spiritual truths and about religion are guaranteed to be included. And this approach is nearly universal as far as I can see. Very few people are pursuing an understanding of truth based on the beginning premise that God is actually the embodiment of love as He claims to be. Either our definition of love is seriously altered from God's view of it to excuse or cover up our persistent use of fear as our foundation for belief, or we simply live in constant confusion about the inherent conflict between real love and the fear-based ideas about God that permeate most of our beliefs.

I would like to spend more time exploring the implications that present themselves in these next few verses about the doctrine of judgment, grace and how God relates to us. I know that what I am starting to see puts me at serious odds with nearly everyone else in religion, but my desire is not to primarily synchronize with religious leaders but to experience the real truth about God as revealed in His word and by His Spirit. As I do so I find myself longing to connect with others whom God is leading to discover the truth about Him so that I can synchronize as He designed for me to do with His body here on earth.

Pictures and Belief

...whoever believes will in Him have eternal life.

...whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world,

but that the world might be saved through Him.

He who believes in Him is not judged;

he who does not believe has been judged already,

because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

(John 3:15-18)

I am a long ways from clearly understanding this issue of what it really means to believe. But I am also a long ways from the complete fog that used to surround my thinking about this issue. I continually seek to delve much deeper into knowing what this means for me personally, especially since I am coming to realize that this belief that Jesus talks about is much, much more than an intellectual assent or profession. In fact, I believe that sometimes people can discover to their own amazement that they are believers in their hearts while in their minds they have strongly disagreed with Christians for many years.

Sometimes I wonder how many real believers presently are in open opposition to Christianity as compared with how many professed Christians are in reality unbelievers in their hearts. Unfortunately I am afraid that a great majority of professed Christians will be found to be living in unbelief when the tests come that will expose what is in the heart. But at the same time those tests will also reveal to others the ones who have not intellectual believed in Christianity but their heart beliefs were actually more in line with the true version of Christianity that they had never encountered before.

I have discovered over the past few years that one of the greatest problems in the church is not so much the overt sins that plague our lives that we fail to overcome, but is the misinformation about God that infiltrates our thinking, our beliefs and especially our feelings about God. Much of this misinformation comes from the transposition, misapplication and misinterpretation of most of the religious words that we use in religion. The problem is that we assume we know what all these words mean and so we feel no need to investigate what they might actually mean.

One of the reasons that I have struggled so hard to have much appreciation for John 3:16 all of my life is for these very reasons. First of all, my concept of how God viewed me and felt about me was so dark and frightening that it completely overshadowed any assertions of His love for me in this passage. My experiences with the god I thought was the God of heaven were far more influential to shape my feelings and pictures of God than mere words on paper quoted blithely by religious people. My feelings and beliefs about God were far more influenced by the abusive or legalistic ways that religious people treated me than by any real truths that might have given me a different view of God as He really is.

My experience of course, is not unique. Everyone of us has been raised up in a sinful world full of lies about God. Each of us has experienced ideas about God that are false in unique respects and so all of our ideas about Him are somewhat different from others. Some people have been raised in relatively good homes with parents and surroundings that gave them a much better picture of God than what I was raised in. Many others were raised in atmospheres that seared their minds with pictures of God much closer to demonic caricatures causing them to perceive Him as a hateful tyrant eager to inflict as much pain and fear as possible into their lives.

This is the situation that God is dealing with as He seeks to reshape every sinners opinions about Him and works to unlock all of our hearts so that He can restore us into the deep fellowship and love and intimacy with Him that we were originally created to enjoy. And I believe that, until we begin to understand reality from this perspective at least a little bit, it is going to be nearly impossible for us to properly appreciate the real meaning of these words or allow the Spirit of God to dramatically change our attitudes and relationship with Him.

For me personally I have found it very helpful to keep challenging the real meaning of the words that I am hearing or using when it comes to spiritual things in particular. What I have discovered long ago is that nearly every word that has been used in presenting religion to me has been transposed at least to some degree to mean something it was never intended to mean. Many of the words upon closer examination have been found to mean nearly the exact opposite of what I had come to assume which certainly put a massive strain on the credibility of everything I have been taught. But instead of throwing it all out the window as some have chosen to do, I have sought to look for the real truth behind these words and then tried to recreate the sentences and thoughts with the new meanings of the words as I discovered them. The longer that I do this the more exciting the concepts and pictures of God begin to emerge as a result.

I have often felt the sensation as I make continual discoveries from this process of redefinition and realignment of thoughts and concepts about God and religion, that what I am perceiving is very much like pulling apart a large puzzle that has been forced together improperly and then trying to find where the pieces really fit together correctly. It is as if the picture of God in my heart had been assembled by well-meaning but confused and misguided religious people forcing many of the pieces into places they were never designed to fit. As a result the picture that was artificially constructed in my mind of what God is like was very jumbled, distorted and even quite scary in many respects.

What I have come to realize over the past few years is that I am not alone in this terrible confusion and fear about God. Nearly everyone around me is likewise very confused and afraid of God because of their own versions of distorted ideas about God, though theirs is always somewhat different than mine. In some areas they may have better feelings toward God than I have had but in other aspects their concepts of Him are still very immature or twisted. In this respect I am actually liable to learn some very helpful or enlightening things about truth from the most unexpected sources if I am willing to not be prejudiced or dogmatic in my relationship with them.

The main purpose for Jesus coming to this earth and sharing so much with us in His teachings and relationships with people was to challenge and correct the many lies and perversions about God that have been filling our minds and hearts ever since the fall of Adam. It is Satan's work to constantly confuse and distort our ideas and feelings about God in order to cause us to believe many lies about Him. Satan does this for the main purpose of hurting the heart of God by causing His children to be afraid of Him and to hate Him. Satan is determined to deceive as many as possible in order to inflict as much pain as possible on God as well as on all those created in His image. He has been very effective in this campaign of diabolical evil and hatred, but Jesus came to undo the works of the devil and I want to be part of that restoration process.

Jesus clearly stated that the devil is a liar from the beginning and that his only purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. On the other hand, Jesus repeatedly and emphatically declared that He had come to bring real life, abundant life and life that does not include any condemnation.

I have begun to understand over the past few years that it is on this crucial point that everything else pivots. This is the core issue around which all other issues revolve and is the central focus of true belief. For years I have been seeking to understand what Jesus really meant when He so often talked about our need to believe which is highlighted in the verses above. Over the past few years it has become more and more clear to me that the real core of what it means to believe in God pivots around this central issue of how I perceive Him in my heart.

To the degree that my thinking and feelings about God involve any of the misinformation or interpretations invented by the devil, I am living in unbelief. Of course the problem is that the devil uses this nasty trick of deception so that when we believe lies about God we seldom are aware at all that what we believe is not true. Nearly everyone is quite certain that their opinions about religion and about God are the correct ones and many religious people are more focused on trying to convince or even force others to come into line with their concepts of God and reality more than in questioning their own deeply entrenched opinions about life and religion.

There is almost nothing more dangerous than a person who is quite certain they know all the truth about God or religion. That is the seed-bed from which terrorism springs up. And terrorists come in many more forms than just those who kill others and blow up buildings. The far more effective terrorists are those who force their opinions on those around them through political leverage, religious power or even sheer intimidation and force. All of these versions of attempting to convert others to our way of thinking and believing are all rooted in lies about God deeply rooted in our hearts. It matters not what our profession is or lack of it – everyone has an opinion about what God is like and that opinion is going to be reflected in the way we treat those around us.

I very clearly need much more transformation in the way that I perceive God and His feelings toward me. I know this because the impulses and reactions that I have towards others still reflect far too many misconceptions about God that are too familiar to me in my past. The very nature of the things that tempt me the most can effectively reveal to me the holes in my internal pictures of God that still need to be repaired and filled in more fully. The puzzle is far from being clear to me, but at the same time there are sections that are starting to take shape with a beauty and attractiveness that sometimes amazes me and thrills my soul.

I pray for God to continue to assemble His picture more completely in my heart and mind so that the reflection of His Spirit and disposition begins to glow out of me more appropriately. For it is only as the God of grace and truth begins to be formed more fully inside of me that my life and spirit will become effective to attract others to want to know the power that is transforming my life.