So This is the Way

"This is the way the Lord has dealt with me in the days when He looked with favor upon me, to take away my disgrace among men." (Luke 1:25)

I think I may be starting to get it, at least a little more than for much of my previous life. As I read this glowing testimony of Elizabeth while she withdraws largely from public life to relish her late-life pregnancy, she responds to the effects of marinating in the goodness of God. And as she increasingly becomes aware of just how gracious God really is her heart overflows with wonder, joy and love for this God who is so different than what most of the people around her perceive Him to be.

As I read this verse again this morning my attention was drawn back to a previous place in this story when the angel had first told her husband what would come of God's promise to them. Gabriel was a messenger sent direct from the throne of God, where the One who shaped and governs all the universe with compassion, power and infinite love, now chose to reveal to Zacharias God's plans to prepare the world for the imminent revealing of the Messiah. Gabriel had told Zacharias "You will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth." Now Elizabeth is beginning to taste that very joy long before the birth of this miracle child, for her heart may not have been so incredulous as that of her husband's and she was a more willing recipient for this miracle that was taking place in their home.

There are a number of questions that have stirred around in my mind over the years about this story. When I examine the response of Zacharias compared to that of Mary the future mother of Jesus to a very similar announcement from this same angel, I find very little difference between them. I am very aware of the nit-picking, detailed exegesis that many give to these responses in order to explain why one was treated so severely while the other was so profusely praised. But what I sense when I read these stories is that the difference between the two responses had far more to do with the spirit of their heart rather than the words they chose to use. As Jesus Himself explained later, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Words are far more along the line of symptoms rather than the real issue themselves.

I suppose that this is of interest to my own heart because of the progression over the years that my understanding of the real truth about God has so radically changed. After spending many years suffering under the abusive oppression of dark, fearful beliefs about how God feels about me, revelations of the real truth about His love and His feelings towards me have forced me to challenge every belief I ever had and to alter drastically my views about religion. But in the process I am finding myself moving ever more closer to being able to respond with actual hope when God proposes good things for my life instead of the usual pessimistic reaction that has been so typical most of my life.

What is becoming ever more clear in my thinking is that as I focus on the goodness of God and all His attributes He is revealing to me in contrast to the confusing mixed bag of notions that religion taught me about Him, I find this to be the only real antidote to the pessimism of my past. Like Elizabeth, I find myself starting to sense new feelings stirring deep inside of me as Christ is being mysteriously formed in my own life just as baby John, full of the Holy Ghost, was being formed inside of her. I am beginning to taste a new perspective, a sense of a totally different reality that is uncommon and nearly unknown in the world around me. I think I am beginning to perceive what Jesus must have been talking about when He kept referring to what the kingdom of heaven was all about.

I can distinctly remember the many years when my mind simply had no internal realistic definition for things like joy or passionate love, especially as related to God. Oh, I knew all the right clichés to throw around in religious conversation, but I'm talking about heart language here. For me the word joy was more like a slap in the face, like something to taunt me with like holding out water just out of reach to a man dying of thirst in the hot desert. I could become angry when confronted with discussions about joy because in my life there was nothing I could relate it to that seemed to fit the descriptions offered.

I wonder if this might have been the case with John's father Zacharias. Maybe he had become cynical about hope by this time in his life. Being very much involved in the religious system of his day he surely was all too aware of the pervasive corruption and hypocrisy and greed at all levels of religion and government. I have found that dwelling on such information, no matter how accurate or true it is, has the effect of creating more cynicism, hopelessness and pessimism. Had Zacharias come to the place where he was just putting in his time, treading water spiritually until it was time to die because all his dreams had long since dissipated? There seems to be hints of that in this story.

But even this alerts my attention to the graciousness of God in the way He treats this family. Rather than taking this news directly to Elizabeth who would be the one bearing the miracle child, God sends Gabriel to her husband, the more cynical one, in order to turn his attitude around as much as possible in advance of the years of training they would need to give this boy. And although Gabriel had to take rather intense measures to discipline Zacharias for his habits of doubt and fear that had taken over his life and caused him to disbelieve even a vision direct from heaven, God cared so much about getting him involved that He did whatever it took to include Zacharias in this event.

Of course there is also the matter of needing to have Zacharias go home and become physically intimate with his own wife in their old age to initiate this new birth. That was in contrast to Mary's experience which is another story with its own amazing revelations. But what is emerging for me here is a glimpse of how amazing the graciousness of God is to those who have become jaded and skeptical because of the abuse of religion, politics and all the other corruption that surrounds us. In other words, this story is yet another example that He is using to remind me that He will also do whatever it takes to transform me from a cynical pessimist into a joyful child full of wonder, gratitude and praise.

This picture of a child has been one that God presented to my heart many years ago. In spite of all the inhibitions acquired from so many around me growing up, God shared with me that as He continues to transform me I will indeed learn to become like a little child, willing to skip and dance and twirl and be spontaneously joyful in ways I have long forgotten how to do. But this can never happen by being forced or persuaded or commanded to do it; all such attempts only serve to stifle any such expressiveness of genuine joy. Rather, God has promised me, just as He promised Zacharias, that the direction my life will take as I allow Him access to my heart will ever move inexorably in the direction of true joy, gladness, rejoicing and spontaneous celebration.

Like Elizabeth I am already beginning to sense the joy and gladness growing in my heart as my perceptions of what God is really like continue to amend. With her, I can resonate with the sentiments she expressed and concur with her description of what was transpiring deep inside her wounded but healing soul. So this is the way the Lord deals with me as He looks with favor upon me, to take away my shame and fear and disgrace I have felt for so long among the people who matter in my life.

Beyond Fishing

Simon Peter went up and drew the net to land, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not torn. (John 21:11)

Why did John specifically mention this detail that the net was not torn? And why was it important to include the exact number of fish that they caught?

Likely it will be impossible to know the full answer to these questions until we have opportunity to ask John or Peter personally. But since these details were included in the Word I strongly suspect God does have blessings and insights for anyone caring to go deeper. So I want to look deeper into it myself.

I began thinking about connections to other references in the Bible related to nets and the first one I thought of was near the beginning of Jesus' ministry when He called these very disciples to follow Him. When I went and checked out those stories I found some interesting clues.

Jesus was walking along the shore one day and came across two sets of brothers who were all fishermen. The first set was Peter and Andrew. These two were in the process of casting their nets into the water in the very act of fishing. After calling them to follow Him with the promise of teaching them to fish for men instead of fish, He went on down the beach and came across John and James.

Interestingly this second set of brothers were not actively fishing but rather were mending their nets in the boat with their father. Upon calling them to follow Him it says they immediately left the boat and their father to follow Him.

All sorts of possibilities exist just within this short account of the background of these men. Whether they are provable is not quite so important as to what the Spirit might share with those who have ears to listen. Other places mention that James and John were known as Sons of Thunder, a rather colorful nickname likely related to their quick tempers and violent reactions under provocation. In the fishing business there were probably plenty of opportunities to be triggered which might explain why their father had them so close to him, to keep an eye on them and try to keep them out of as much trouble as possible.

Was there competition between these two groups of fishermen? I can't imagine there wasn't. Commercial fishing can be a very rough and tumble business even today, especially when fish start to be sparse or the compensation is not good. Times were harsh for the working people of that day and the social dynamics were not exactly very fair. The religious/political elite generally owned most of the land and controlled most of the commerce of the country which made for plenty of potential for hard feelings. Exploitation was common among the rich and powerful as well as by the Roman occupying forces who would not hesitate to resort to violence to squelch any hint of insurrection.

I find it interesting that Peter and his brother were fishing in the daytime when Jesus encountered them. I also recall that this was not the first time these men are mentioned in the story of Jesus. Andrew and John seem to have been involved very early around the time of Jesus' baptism when others were being invited to join them including Peter. It seems that Andrew and John may have been disciples of John the Baptist which is how they came to follow Jesus when the Baptist pointed Him out as the Messiah.

But evidently they had not become full-time disciples yet; maybe they were more like groupies. They started hanging around Jesus in their spare time when they were not required to work in the family business. But when Jesus looked them up on their jobs and called them to follow Him full-time, for whatever reasons they seemed more than ready to dump their old occupation and join Him in this new adventure curiously called 'fishing for men.' I wonder how that went over with their families.

Other implications come to mind from these details. Was the equipment in the business of John and James so inferior to that of Peter and Andrew that they had to spend extra time mending their nets? That is impossible to know from the text, but it is something to consider. I also wonder why Peter and Andrew were fishing in broad daylight when later it seems they preferred to fish at night. Had hard times becoming so pressing that they were forced to work extra hours to squeak out an existence for themselves? And given the competitive atmosphere that surrounded this occupation, I wonder just how much latitude these two sets of brothers gave each other. Maybe they had a good relationship but they could have had their times of sharp exchanges.

I find it interesting that it was one out of each set of brothers that were originally disciples of John the Baptist and that their other brothers joined after them. Peter, originally Simon, was almost immediately invited to become a disciple of Jesus when his brother Andrew (the compulsive inviter) asked him to come join the growing team. As soon as Jesus met Simon the very first time He gave Him the nickname Peter, for evidently up to that time he had only been known by the name Simon. Peter means something like 'a rolling stone,' but given that Jesus had early insight into Simon's character He gave him this nickname by which most people know him today.

I have found it quite informative to pay attention to which of these names Jesus used on various occasions, for the name with which He addressed Simon Peter very often if not always had significance related to the circumstances as well as to the attitude of Peter at the time. Like many names throughout the Bible, particularly contrasting ones like Jacob and Israel, which both apply to the same person, the context in which the names are used and the meanings of the names carry important inferences and give insights to the surrounding text and the message being presented.

In Luke 5 I notice that the story begins by consistently calling him Simon only. But when he falls in amazement at the feet of Jesus after coming to see that this is no ordinary man, he is then referred to as Simon Peter. Similar clues can be found by looking at many other encounters between Jesus and Simon Peter where the name Jesus chooses to use for him is highly significant as to what is going on at the time.

There is another clue here that has interesting connections in this story that took place early on in the disciple's relationship with Jesus. This is found in another story recorded by Luke in chapter 5. In this instance Jesus was teaching crowds of people on the shore. Evidently space was getting so tight that Jesus was being backed into the water, so He climbed into a fishing boat that belonged to Simon and asked him to shove off a little from the beach to give Him a better vantage point so everyone could see and hear Him clearly. (Was this the first instance of a pulpit?) Evidently Simon, as he is called in this story, unwittingly becomes a captive audience for Jesus even though he had just been up all night working. Now he had to wait politely until Jesus was finished speaking to the crowds. Of course I'm sure that Jesus was quite interesting, and given Peter's enjoyment of attention he may have felt rather proud to have his boat be the one selected by this new popular teacher.

Again, in this story details are mentioned about nets and the best time to fish. It was now obviously daytime when Jesus was speaking to the crowds, and while I don't know if He had used up all the daylight in speaking and finally had to quit, or He simply decided to not share with the people too much and let them go when it started getting too hot, we cannot be sure. But when Jesus asked Simon to push into the deep and go fishing, Simon makes the protest that they had already been fishing all night and had caught nothing.

Again, there are a number of clues here that I find quite interesting. If Simon had already been working all night with no results, he may not have been in the best of moods to be staying awake even longer after listening to a sermon. Of course sermons as we hear them now are very likely nothing like the words Jesus spoke to people. (I wish that today we could return to the style of interaction that marked the lives of the early followers of Jesus, for everything connected with how we do church today is quite foreign to how the early disciples experienced the gospel. But that is another issue.)

When Simon Peter chose to humor this carpenter-turned-teacher obviously inexperienced in fishing who thought He knew more about it that Simon – the seasoned pro-fisherman, I doubt that he had any clue that anything would come of it. But being at least a little polite and maybe taking a liking to this new teacher, Simon probably felt that it would not hurt to stay up a little longer to show this carpenter how nets were cast, even if it would be a waste of time for himself and his now captive crew.

From this perspective it is no wonder that Luke reported the intense reactions of both Peter and his companions in the boat when instantly their nets were filled to overflowing the moment they hit the water. This was very clearly something they had never encountered in their whole life before and they realized that something supernatural was taking place. Luke reports that this was one of those times when Simon Peter was so overcome with emotion and amazement at the power and superiority of Jesus that all he could do was throw himself down at His feet and cry out at the contrast between his own character and what he was beginning to see in Jesus.

It seems that many of the most compelling events that took place between Jesus and Peter often involved experiences around fishing and the lake. This was the life that Peter knew well and was his love. Yet unknown to Peter, Jesus was beginning to take him through a long, intentional process to transform his focus from providing for himself and his family by fishing, toward living a life of selfless service for others as Jesus had come to live. In each of these encounters with Jesus, Peter had rather intense reactions and sometimes his reaction was to simply throw himself at Jesus' feet lost in wonder and amazement. Other times he chose to act quite out of the box – or at one time out of the boat as in the case of water-walking with Jesus during a violent storm.

Notice how this story is a very close parallel to the experience recorded in John 21, and that in the first instance when they caught an amazing amount of fish, it says that their nets began to break. (Now Peter would have the same problems as his competitors James and John had if he wanted to stay in the fishing business much longer.) But Jesus followed up this miracle by immediately assuring Peter that he should not be afraid, for from now on Peter would be catching men instead of fish. I find this response from Jesus pregnant with insights.

After the resurrection we find Peter, likely feeling too disgraced to consider himself a legitimate disciple any longer, deciding that the best thing for him to do is go back to what he knows best and get into the fishing business once again. But other disciples were keeping a close eye on Peter, possibly fearing he might do something impulsive – like committing suicide as Judas had done – so they insisted on going with him. Again they spent a whole night fishing, but all for nothing. Again someone asks them to do the absurd and fish the wrong way and again with similar stunning results. But interestingly this time it is particularly noted that though there were so many fish (these guys seemed to be experts on knowing how much nets could handle), it specifically says that the net was not torn.

I believe that this phrase had great significance, especially for Peter at this critical time in his life. The first time Peter had experienced this kind of miracle, Scripture says his nets had begun to tear apart and Jesus then asked him to start fishing for men instead of fish. Now three years later Peter has decided to turn away from the work Jesus had begun training him to do and go back to fishing for fish. But instead of censuring him for giving up on the original invitation, Jesus instead again repeats that first miracle, only this time the difference is that the nets can somehow handle the extreme load without tearing.

I believe this detail was very important to Peter and also John who recorded this for us. John was one of the guys who had spent many hours mending nets, so he would be expected to notice when fishing nets acted out of the ordinary. I also believe that Jesus intentionally caused this difference as a signal to all the disciples that God can be trusted to take care of everything, even to the smallest details. Now it was time to fully take seriously the original invitation of Jesus to walk away from fishing and instead to focus on saving people instead of going back to a life of commercial business for themselves.

How does this apply to me today? Is God going to make it plain when it is time to move away from dependence on my line of work to living in full-time faith on Him, to switch to helping Him reconstruct lives that are falling apart? I have wondered this for some time but don't have any clear answers yet. Maybe it is not time, or maybe I am not listening carefully enough, or maybe I am being resistant like Peter was because I feel so weak or ashamed or fearful or doubting.

I remember when I was invited recently to share with a group of people this good news I have been learning about God. In responding I experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit guiding and using me in ways I have seldom known before. A couple nights ago I had opportunity to share this truth with a deeply hurting family who were surprisingly open to hearing new revelations of how God feels towards them. I was quite encouraged as they had previously been rather resistant to hearing anything from me.

Through these experiences I feel that this is something I would really like to get more involved in. But at the same time I don't want to invent my own plans or try to run ahead of God. I have been learning that God wants me to trust Him daily to unfold His plans for me instead of creating great plans and trying to get Him to endorse and bless them. I think I prefer it this way for I am convinced that if I seek to cooperate with His plans instead of trying to get Him to cooperate with my plans that the likelihood of success will be exponentially greater.

Yet it is a delicate learning process to practice tuning in to the Spirit's guidance system each day instead of falling into old patterns of taking things into my own hands. I am beginning to learn the importance of intentional listening as well as seeking God in my morning times of meditation and study with Him.

There is one last link that I discovered that may have interesting potential in this story. I heard this from one of my favorite teachers recently and it really resonated as I saw fascinating connections to an Old Testament prophecy connected to fishing. I wonder if Peter and John knew about this passage.

Why have You made men like the fish of the sea, like creeping things without a ruler over them? The Chaldeans bring all of them up with a hook, drag them away with their net, and gather them together in their fishing net. Therefore they rejoice and are glad. therefore they offer a sacrifice to their net and burn incense to their fishing net; because through these things their catch is large, and their food is plentiful. (Habakkuk 1:14-16)

I know that this prophecy sounds strange and maybe even opposite from the kind of fishing Jesus invited Peter to practice with Him. But on closer examination of the context there are fascinating implications that may bring insights to those with open minds. This prophecy speaks of fishing for men just as Jesus did. It involves worship connected with a very large catch which occurred at least two times with Peter. And there is much more that could be unpacked from this passage, but at this point I must leave that for another time.

Does Jesus use a person's familiar occupation to connect with them, to speak the language they relate to best? I believe so. If Jesus came to me and wanted to relate to what I understand well, He would not get very far by talking about fishing or asking me to go catch fish. I don't know anything about throwing nets and very little about even casting a line. For me Jesus would make far better connection using analogies with things I am involved with in my life. And I confess that many times He has done just that, bringing to mind analogies related to electricity or construction techniques or other areas of interest to me. Farming or sheep or fishing were all areas familiar to most people in Jesus' day and even some today. But for me it is easier when God relates to me in ways that make sense for me.

But whatever the background that each of us is coming from, I suspect that as we respond to the drawing of Jesus in our hearts that He will at some point ask us to trade in our previous occupations and interests for something far more fulfilling just as He did with Peter. There comes a time when it becomes clear that a decision has to be made as to who will be in charge of our life. We then have to decide if we will trust Jesus to provide for all our needs and our families without our stepping back in to try to take over when things appear to be spinning out of control.

Will we come to fully trust Him in any and every situation so that we too might be empowered to walk on water during a storm without sinking? Will we trust that God can do any number of miracles to provide for all of our needs? He is eager to empower us to do what He needs done, to gather as many as possible into a saving relationship with Himself if we will allow Him to be our Mentor.

God is faithful, and He can do what He says He can do in and for me if I will only give Him permission by trusting fully in His heart.

Is Seeing Really Believing?

Jesus said to him, "Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed." (John 20:29)

For some time I have been noticing one of the themes of this chapter – seeing is believing. I have noted how various people resisted believing until enough overwhelming evidence was seen to bring them to finally believe that Jesus really had overcome the power of death.

Simon Peter came with John to the tomb after Mary reported the tomb was empty, only to find folded grave-clothes inside the otherwise empty tomb. For him that was not enough evidence to compel him to remember and believe the words of Jesus that He would rise again from the dead. His own depression and remorse for denying Jesus during His trial likely hung like a dark pall over his mind and heart.

And so Simon Peter also came, following him, and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there.

So the disciples went away again to their own homes. (John 20:6, 10)

John, the one self-dubbed 'the disciple whom Jesus loved,' saw the very same evidence. Interestingly in this chapter he is the only one who reports that he believed upon seeing this much evidence without actually having encountered Jesus alive in person by seeing Him.

So the other disciple who had first come to the tomb then also entered, and he saw and believed.

So the disciples went away again to their own homes. (John 20:8, 10)

Mary Magdalene returns to the tomb weeping as usual and encounters two angels, dialogs with them but still fails to be aware that all these strange things going on must indicate something extraordinary has taken place. Not until Jesus Himself speaks to her in a unique way that finally rivets her attention and awakens old memories of encounters from before does she finally lunge into belief.

But Mary was standing outside the tomb weeping; and so, as she wept, she stooped and looked into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been lying.

When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus. (John 20:11-12, 14)

Around eight disciples cowering in the upper room with doors and windows bolted and barred for fear of the authorities, are suddenly astounded nearly a day after they have been informed that the women have seen Jesus in person. As Jesus meets personally with them, having circumvented all their physical obstructions, their fear and sorrow is finally transformed into rejoicing when they see the Lord.

And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord. (John 20:20)

Finally, Thomas, the one we like to accuse of being a greater doubter, insisted that unless he too got to see the evidence in person like nearly everyone else had, he would refuse to believe. But let's not be too harsh with Thomas, for the record here shows that with the exception of John no one else had believed without seeing Jesus in person either.

So the other disciples were saying to him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see in His hands the imprint of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe." (John 20:25)

I find it interesting how John makes a point of sharing the story of Thomas along with all the others who resisted or refused to believe until they personally saw Jesus for themselves. Each one of them had been given opportunity to engage in saving faith/belief without physically seeing Jesus first, yet each one except John had passed up that opportunity. I believe John relays these stories here to support the emphatic point he wants to make in the verse presented above, that true belief should not be linked to personal physical encounters or even miracles.

Paul mentions this issue later on when he said, for we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

Our humanness longs for physical proof, miracles, hard evidence before we think we can believe in things not seen. Sadly nearly every disciple in these stories passed up the opportunity to demonstrate to the world the kind of faith that would be needed by all who would come after them. John shares each of their stories not only to provide evidence upon which we may base our belief, but also as warnings for us to not cling to unbelief.

But these have been written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you may have life in His name. (John 20:31)

Jesus made a point of separating what to us almost seems inseparable – seeing and believing. Because you have seen Me, have you believed? There must have been sadness in the face of Jesus when He said this to Thomas. But it was not only a gentle rebuke to Thomas alone, for everyone saving John had required seeing Him in person before they were willing to believe.

Maybe that is why John makes the point of reminding us that Jesus says there is genuine blessing in believing without seeing. This was a blessing that most of them had by-passed waiting for enough evidence to convince them. John then says that all of these things were recorded so that we would not fall into the same trap of unbelief as they had.

And just what is it that we are supposed to believe? What are we to believe that will bring into our lives this blessing that Jesus promised? This is a question I have had most of my life and is one of the main reasons I have spent years immersing myself in the writings of John. What does it really mean to believe? Believe what?! has been the cry of my heart for many years. I want to know the real answer to this personally, for I have long sensed that until I enter into a much deeper kind of belief than simply acknowledging that Jesus came from heaven, lived, died and was resurrected, I will never experience the kind of transformation that seems inherent in this promised blessing that I so desperately need.

John says here that when we believe that Jesus is our Messiah (Christ in Greek) and that Jesus is also the Son of God, inherent in this very belief is life, and that happens in His name.

These two elements of belief have huge implications associated with them that need much more unpacking. But at this point I will simply say that spending quiet time alone with God for the past number of years soaking in this good news as recorded by John, my own belief has begun to awaken; my own testimony has become more confident; my own assurance has been more secure and I am starting to feel that I too have glimpsed the Christ and have begun to experience life in His name.

Retain or Forgive

If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained. (John 20:23)

This verse has been a severely perplexing one for me for as long as I can remember. Something about the way it has been translated in nearly every version of the Bible just comes across in conflict with most of what I am learning about the nature of God's character. Either there is a major revelation needed about God that I have not yet seen (and that is always likely the case in many areas), or quite possibly the religious biases of translators has infected the renditions of this text to reflect the way they tended to view things. At this point I am leaning more toward the latter.

When I read this verse again this morning I stopped and asked God's Spirit to unpack this for me. I know God is willing to answer such requests, for He assures us that the Spirit is ready and eager to teach each one who is humble and open to learning more truth about God from His Word.

One thought that came to my mind was to begin looking for what others might have written about this. But I immediately dismissed that thought, for to do so would be like an act of unbelief on my part, assuming that God is unwilling to share truth with me firsthand. I have learned over recent years that God is far more faithful when we give Him a chance than we are often ready to believe. And when I give Him opportunity to teach me directly from the Word and by His Spirit, He has many times ravished my heart with surprising and refreshing revelations I could have never dreamed of and that I might never find by looking for other's opinions.

That is not to say I should never learn from others. I believe that God also speaks to anyone ready to be guided and taught by His Spirit. Different people may see different things in various passages, for each person has a unique perspective on life and truth. But I have come to believe that God wants each of us to come to Him directly first and give Him first chance at teaching us great things which we never before imagined before we chase off to study other people's opinions, whether they be inspired or not. By allowing God first place as our teacher and personal tutor, I believe we may find real truth much quicker and then He may lead us to similar revelations He has given to others to confirm and solidify what He has shown us.

That was a lot to explain a very simple point. But I feel compelled to explain myself sometimes which can take far longer than maybe necessary.

As a result of choosing to seek God as my tutor first to explain this verse for me, I decided to go to the Greek and see what clues I might find there. Almost immediately I began to see that the way this has usually been translated is not necessarily reflective of what Jesus was trying to get across. Rather, what I found there was far simpler than how it comes across in English. And although I lack training in how to read Greek and there may likely be much more there than my abilities can grasp, I highly suspect that a lot of preconceptions have also gotten mingled into the way most translations render this verse.

In the Greek there are far less words in this verse than what we see in English. But those words seem very potent to me, especially after studying in depth the teachings of Jesus in Matthew 18 that I have come to believe constitute the very heart of the message of salvation. In that chapter I was exposed to stupendous truths that I had never encountered before as I soaked in it intensely for over three months. What I discovered there were clear instructions on how we are to relate to offenses, which is translated from the very same Greek word that is here translated sin.

What I find very significant in this verse in the Greek is the lack of something that is often emphasized in the English renditions. In many translations it appears that Jesus is almost implying that the disciples were given some sort of authority to control whether other people could be forgiven of their sins or not. The way that so many translations read makes it sound like they were given authority commensurate with God to decide who should be pardoned and who would not. Quite possibly this slant was inserted into the text by subsequent people with vested interests in asserting assumed divine authority to intimidate and control others in ways that not even God uses. Abuse of authority has long been a serious problem in religion and Bible versions have too often been manipulated to imply support for such ideas even though they are out of harmony with its original intent.

Another problem with understanding this verse comes from so many people's serious misunderstanding about the whole issue of forgiveness. For anyone not clear on the real truth about forgiveness (and that includes most in my opinion at this point), it can be very confusing to figure out what Jesus was trying to say here.

If a person assumes that forgiveness is more along the lines of a pardon from God rather than an issue of holding onto or letting go of a grudge/offense, then what I am about to share will only be confusing. I have shared extensively on much of what I am learning about forgiveness elsewhere, and it is important to have that as the context for looking at this verse. But in short, what has become clear to me is that our problem with sin is not over an offended God waiting for us to grovel or impress Him enough in order to convince Him to let go of offenses He holds against us. Rather, the obstacles that prevent us from being reconciled to God are the offenses we hold against others as well as against Him. God is not our problem; the lies we believe about Him are our problem.

In the Greek there are different words that have been translated into the same English word forgiveness. This is one cause for much of our confusion in trying to understand the issue of forgiveness. Herb Montgomery is one of the best explainers of this concept and I highly recommend listening to his explanations of the two main words in the Greek related to this. Those words in Greek are aphiemi and charizomai. The difference in meaning between these two words that are both translated forgiveness are stunning and even liberating for those fearful that God has not forgiven them or struggling to know how to forgive others from the heart.

What I found in this verse by looking at the Greek is that it is very simple and straightforward, almost simplistic in nature. It is almost as if Jesus is stating the obvious so simply that it borders on insulting. But because of the dullness of the disciples who had been so intent on believing Jesus had come to carry out the agenda of the Jewish nation rather than to reveal the truth about God's character of love, Jesus had to make His point as direct and plain as possible to redirect their attention to what was most important for them to think about. That's what I sense when looking at this passage in its context.

In the Greek I see only 6 different words in this text. Two of them make up the word whosoever, so that leaves only four other words for the rest of the verse. Let me attempt to simplify it as close to the Greek version of this verse as I can in a rough transliteration of the verse. Here is the first part.

Anyone, whomever, offenses forgiven reflexively.

What I find compelling in the first half of this verse is that it strongly seems to suggest that forgiveness is more about the person doing it, letting go of the offense within their own heart, rather than what is happening to anyone else. The last word in this first phrase in the Greek refers to the person doing the forgiving, not the person being forgiven. This is very consistent with everything I learned about forgiveness in Matthew 18 where Jesus is trying to show us how important it is to let go of all offenses against everyone. This focuses attention squarely on how holding onto any offense poisons our own soul instead rather than making it an issue of keeping our blame focused on anyone else.

This fits very closely with the principle Jesus brought on in what is called 'The Lord's Prayer'.

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. (Matthew 6:12, 14-15)

Here is my rendition of the second half of this verse.

Anyone, whoever, retains.

Yes, it really is that simplistic. There seems to be no inferences at all in the original implying that something we do can control other people's ability to be forgiven or not. Rather the entire point of these words of Jesus appears to me to be all about the effect that our choices have on ourselves and how to relate to the offenses inside of our hearts. If we refuse to let go of offenses they always react back on ourselves more than anyone else.

I looked through a number of versions for this text and found some that seem to be closer to what I am finding in the original. Here is one of them.

Whenever you forgive sins, they are forgiven. Whenever you don't forgive them, they are not forgiven.

(John 20:23 GW)

This reminds me of when a child has to be told something that should be obvious and very simple, yet because they are so confused they have to hear it in its simplest form. I sense that this is just what Jesus was seeking to do with His disciples becaue their minds were so full of confusion they could not make much sense out of anything at that point.

These men had possibly become so depressed from how events had gone totally opposite of what they had expected over the past two days that they felt like they had lost all hope. And in one respect it might have been a good thing, for their hopes had long been misplaced in that they had been clinging so strongly to false expectations shared with their fellow Jews as to what the Messiah was supposed to do for them. Jesus had not yet gotten their attention away from all their own goals and dreams and expectations for both themselves as well as what they wanted from Him. Now He needed to rivet their focus on what they must think about in the present to move them in a new and different direction from where they had been trying to go for so long.

On top of that, consider all the injustice and violence they had just witnessed against their Master. They were very likely in danger of being seriously poisoned with the bitterness that springs from dwelling on such injustice. If all the offenses they had witnessed over the past few days were allowed to occupy their hearts, they would be in serious danger of slipping into the pit in which Satan traps all who follow that path. In the book of Hebrews it is called the 'root of bitterness.' This is an evil root-cellar that no one should fall into. Forgiveness was the key to their freedom, and Jesus was keen to remind them of this so they could begin to come into harmony with His way of living and His spirit.

Our greatest danger from sin is not only the damage that it causes all around us, but most of all the damage that holding onto an offense causes in our own heart. Holding onto offenses is sin, and in the Greek it is the same word. When this becomes clearer in our thinking it can begin to make more sense to us why God never needs to let go of an offense – for God never sins! This begins to explain why God's forgiveness – the absence of offenses in His heart – is unconditional, for He never allows offenses to reside in His heart to start with.

Many of our assumptions about God's forgiveness mistakenly involves thinking that we need to get Him to change His feelings towards us, to convince Him to let go of His offenses over our sins against Him. And while this is nearly always the case in our relationships to the sins others commit against us, it is never the case in our relationship with God. God never, ever takes offense or He could not be sinless. Once we get that straight in our head we can begin to better understand the real power in the truth about forgiveness and how it relates to each person involved.

Quite likely the disciples were harboring feelings of offense towards those who had just crucified Jesus. In addition, that very morning Mary and other women had shown up claiming to have seen Jesus personally, yet the text seems to indicate that they had refused to believe the women. Very possibly these men had taken offense at the women, thinking that if indeed it were true that Jesus was alive, He should have come to the men first instead of only revealing Himself to women and expecting the men to believe only on their testimony.

To allow women to be legal witnesses was completely contrary to all custom and tradition for them, so it is easy to see why these disciples simply could not bring themselves to have that much faith simply based on the testimony of some 'sentimental, emotional women'. After all, the testimony of any woman was not even acceptable in their court systems so they likely felt justified in refusing to believe their testimony no matter how insistent the women were that they were speaking firsthand truth.

Given what John records about what happened when Jesus did finally appear to the men, it seems clear to me that His actions were something along the line of a rebuke to them, not unlike when He reprimanded Thomas for his unbelief. Jesus had to explicitly show them the wounds in His hands and side in order to convince them that He was indeed alive. This was far more evidence than any of the women had needed in order to believe in Him, and it is a sad narrative of the penchant all too many of us have as we resist embracing the truth about God's attitudes and His love towards us.

God's most difficult obstacle in the war to win us to faith in Him is the pride and unbelief fueled by the offenses harbored in our hearts. The major problem that sin causes within us preventing us from trusting fully in God is caused by the offenses that we cling to, refusing to let them go freely like Jesus demonstrated at the cross. The disciples were still a long way from emulating the example of Jesus they had just witnessed over the past few days, for they had much still to change to become more like Him. That is why I believe Jesus started His this teaching session with them by making a most fundamental point to begin – let go of all your offenses. When you let go of the offenses that are poisoning your hearts, then you will be freed to begin to grow more in grace and be empowered to embrace more glorious truths that I came to share with you.

In essence, what I hear Jesus saying to them in this verse, as well as to me, is this:

Anyone who chooses to let go of offenses will be free of offense. The main point here is freedom.

Anyone who refuses to let go of an offense will be entrapped by his refusal.

What Jesus is expressing here is yet another of the fundamental principles of reality that governs all of God's creation. It is similar to what He had said to Peter in the garden earlier – those who take up the sword will die by the sword. He had also articulated it in His teachings much earlier when He pointed out that the measure we choose to use against others will be the measure that will be used against us.

Tellingly, this verse comes directly after Jesus breathed on them and then in essence begged them to receive the Holy Spirit. This verse too has long been a bit mysterious to me until placed in the context that I am now seeing here. I believe Jesus was intent on getting His disciples to move in an entirely different direction from where they had ever gone before. He longed for them to see reality from a completely new perspective, from heaven's perspective. But they were still so caught up in their confused notions of what constituted the God's kingdom that they were still resistant to accepting the Spirit of Truth that He was longing to impart to them.

Notice that it does not say they were actually filled with the Spirit. It only indicates that He invited them to receive it. I suspect that if they had let go of their offenses and unbelief right then that they might have experienced an outpouring of the Holy Spirit right then. But they were still too full of confusion and offenses at this point to accept what Jesus longed to give to them, so they had to wait for another 50 days before they were finally emptied of all their offenses. Then they became receptive to this wonderful gift that Jesus had offered them right from the start.

I hear Jesus speaking to my own heart here too. I still feel all too dull of understanding and still have subconscious offenses deep inside against people who have wounded me in the past. I long to be freed of all these offenses and to also receive this gift of the Holy Spirit. I am sure Jesus is just as eager to breathe it on me as He was to impart it to those disciples. But quite likely it is the offenses still resident inside of me that prevents Him from having the space He needs to function effectively inside me. Like the disciples I am still filled with to many false notions of how the kingdom looks like or is supposed to operate. I need much more grace and healing and bonding into the body of Christ before I will be ready for that outpouring of power that will shake the world around me.

God, give me more grace along with more truth. Do whatever it takes to cleanse me of all offenses and resistance to You so that I can be liberated to become a clean and efficient channel of Your power and love and truth to the world around me.