A New Baptism

After these things Jesus and His disciples came into the land of Judea, and there He was spending time with them and baptizing. (John 3:22)

There are some places where phrases or words just seem to jump out at me from the Bible. This happens to be one of those. When I read that Jesus intentionally spent time with His disciples while at the same time drawing others close to them to be baptized, it just does something inside of me. It makes me want to have that same experience myself. I want to benefit from Jesus spending time with me, mentoring me, showing me through expression and body language, tone of voice and gestures all sorts of things about Himself that simply cannot be conveyed through words.

It is said that 90% of communication is non-verbal. I don't know how that can be accurately measured or how true that number is, but it is certainly true that words fall far short of conveying the real essence of what a person is really like. To get to know someone reliably you have to be exposed to them on a very personal level, to watch how they act around different kinds of people and in various circumstances. This is the way in which a person's real character and personality become known much more accurately than by simply listening to them say words to you. Words can certainly be an important part of the mix and can strongly reinforce or explain many things that might be confusing about them. But to have a deep and significant bond with someone nothing can replace just spending time with them personally.

I also see something in this verse that has been a point of difference between what I see in the Bible and the traditions of men as implemented in nearly every Christian church. The Bible explains elsewhere that Jesus in fact, did not actually do the baptizing on these occasions but his disciples did that. Jesus was the central attraction that drew people who wanted to be baptized just as John the Baptist was in his sphere.

Today, baptism has become an issue entangled in the power struggles over supposed authority and even control over people's lives. Baptism has devolved into simply an initiation of sorts, a means of determining whether one can join a certain denomination as a member instead of it being an outward symbol of a real new-birth experience. All too often baptism in reality has little to do with an attraction to Jesus on a very personal level. I agree that we often talk about new birth and give lip service to the meaning of baptism and claim that baptism has great significance. But all too often it mostly ends up much more about talk than reality. We try to say all the right words while ignoring the much more important realities that are going on at the heart level.

Another hot-button issue that is even more ignored because it is so entrenched in long-standing tradition is the question of who is supposed to administer this act of baptism. I have been through the Bible numerous times in my life and I have yet to see clear restrictions about who is supposedly allowed to baptize or who is forbidden to do this. I just don't see any place in Scripture where someone was reprimanded for baptizing without being duly authorized or licensed. In fact, what seems to be much more clear from a plain reading of the Bible is the fact that Jesus' commission to disciple and baptize others throughout the whole world was given to everyone He was talking to at the time which included women, men and whoever else happened to be in the group listening to Him.

This has been a source of quiet concern for me over many years. Any time it is raised in a discussion it is immediately confronted with long-standing rules, traditions and ideas completely rooted in church policies and opinions but with no meaningful Scriptural support. This leaves me to believe that nearly all of the heavy restrictions that churches today impose on who and who cannot baptize others are completely artificial and have much more to do with control and political power over membership privileges and authority than it has anything to do with the real kingdom of God. People who are in positions of power over others seem to feel so threatened by any discussion of this issue that they will do nearly anything to shut down thoughtful discussion of this topic as quickly as possible.

Over the past few years I have tried to learn to be more open to what the Word of God has to say and its true meaning while being less and less influenced by the opinions and traditions of religion. And while I don't feel God is calling me to rebel against the wrong-headed ideas of religious people and try to start up some new movement, I do believe that the time may soon come when the false structures and worldly-oriented reasons for how things are done in traditional religions are going to collapse in the advancing light of God's true glory. I believe that either churches are going to disintegrate and have to be re-formed by the hand of God along His lines of thinking and His ways or they are going to be humanly propped up by the use of force and fear to justify their counterfeit ways of doing things.

Some call this the great shaking time. Some call it the little time of trouble. Whatever you want to call it, I have reason to believe that the true body of Christ is going to look and act so different and think so radically different than anything seen today that it will both be unavoidably effective in exploding the gospel all over the planet and it will cause a violent reaction from those who cling to tradition that will polarize the whole world solidly into only two modes of belief.

When those days come I believe that it will be seen that anyone who has a passionate connection with God at the heart level will be inherently qualified to baptize anyone else who desires to enter into that relationship as well. There will no longer be any arguments about licenses, ordination or other such silly squabbles as seen today, at least among the true followers of God. God is going to use anyone and everyone possible without prejudice to export the truth about His love and grace and mercy and truth to the whole world with a speed and efficiency that has not been seen since the days just after Pentacost.

When we really begin to spend quality time with Jesus and absorb the power of His example and presence with us as the disciples did in this verse, then will be seen the results of that exposure in baptisms that will be performed by anyone who is connected with Jesus irregardless of race, color, sex or maybe even age. Baptism will no longer just be an initiation into formal membership in some denomination; it will be a powerful external experience of an even more powerful, life-changing inner transformation of each person's view of reality and a new life hidden in Christ.

Resisting Waking Up

This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. (John 3:19-20)

It came to me as I was lying in bed this morning talking with God, that maybe one of the symptoms described here might have something to do with those times when I just don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I have thought about this issue over the years and pondered the various reasons that people resist waking up in the morning or getting out of bed even if they are awake.

I have had to be honest at times and admit, at least to myself, that sometimes when my life is crowded with fear or despair and is seriously lacking in joy that there are times when I really long to just go to sleep and forget about what is going on in my life. And if I manage to get enough sleep that is uninterrupted with disturbing dreams during those times, then I suddenly realize how precious that rest can be when I remember a few minutes after waking up what the real situation is that is threatening my peace. Then I wish that I could forget it again and return to that peaceful state of sleep or be oblivious to the things that are causing me to be afraid or maybe remorseful or condemned.

It is during those times of desperately wishing I could hide in sleep from life around me that I see a strong similarity with the words of Jesus in these verses. Most people prefer darkness when it comes time to sleep. It is not very easy for most of us to sleep well in the light of day unless we are very tired. The human body seems designed to sleep much better when it is dark and quiet around us. There is certainly nothing wrong with that and God knows that we need good sleep in order to continue to have health and strength for our human existence.

But there is no doubt that there are also times when sleep is craved for quite different reasons than just to recharge our body and rest our muscles. It is not uncommon for sleep to be viewed, though often subconsciously at first, as an escape mechanism for not facing uncomfortable reality. When this is utilized and repeated it can quickly become something along the line of an addiction reinforcing and deepening depression and leading to more and more dysfunction with those around us. It is not uncommon for people who become weakened by depression to fall into the addiction of trying to hide from life by withdrawing into sleep as much as possible.

This is not to create a guilt trip for someone, including myself, if we see this pattern in the life. It is simply to identify one of the possible ways that I may find myself loving darkness rather than the light so that I can bring the problem itself to the Light for exposure instead of staying away from it. In fact, a person who is trying to hide from life by staying asleep naturally resists the approach of increasing light for that very reason – it makes it more and more difficult to hide and avoid the pain associated with reality.

This is similar in nature to any other coping mechanism we may use to run away from the light of truth and reality. One of the common threads of every addiction is that in some way it gives us temporary pleasure which gives a short experience of satisfaction or at least numbness that turns off our cravings for peace that are becoming very demanding within our brain. But those moments of temporary pleasure or relief from the pain of unfulfilled cravings only last a few minutes at best and then leave us with even deeper cravings for satisfaction that now have to be dealt with all over again. As most people know, addictions by nature reinforce themselves by increasing the hunger more than increasing the satisfaction and so end up becoming a means of destroying ourselves.

This is really a summary of the core problem of sin overall. Sin is any way in which we try to bring life into our lives without receiving it from the only valid Source of real life. It is the counterfeit system of living that seems very often to get much more immediate results as far as our feelings go but in the long run leave us with more pain and eventually destroys us completely. No matter whether we are willing to admit the truth of it or not, God's word is unfailingly accurate in this matter. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23 RSV)

While all of this is true, how does that relate to me when I find myself quite resistant to waking up in the morning? I'm not talking about when I simply have had a very short night's sleep and have not had enough time realistically to recoup from a hard day's work. I am talking about those times when I become aware that my resistance to waking up has more to do with emotional hiding than it has to do with legitimate rest. I think most of us are aware of times when we find ourselves wishing we could just stay asleep permanently and continue to hide from life but without committing suicide. But really, this kind of feeling is a precursor to thinking about suicide.

What does this passage have to say to me in regards to this part of my life? How can I open my heart to the words of Jesus here and allow them to re-orient my thinking and choices when it comes to those times when I would rather hide from waking up than to face life when it is not something I want to face? And what relationship do evil deeds and fear of being exposed have to do with this? Is it possible that maybe my situation is actually quite different in God's eyes than I perceive it to be when I would rather hide in sleep than to live and have to face the day?

Maybe what I really need is a complete overhaul of my perception of reality. Maybe it is very possible that the things that I fear and would rather imagine were not there are not really the most important things in my life as they assert themselves to be. In fact, I believe that it is in those times that my real problem is not what I think my problem is at all but is the issue of having a picture of God that is far too small and weak and incompetent to deal with the problems that are asserting themselves in my life.

I realize that intellectually, with my mind, I can believe that God is big enough to handle any problem. I have been trained all my life to give the right answers to these questions and even back them up with Bible verses at times. But when it comes right down to actually facing real-life problems and trials that threaten to cause me pain and discomfort or even death, it is a whole different matter as to really knowing what my true beliefs are, that are much deeper and reside in a different part of my brain.

This is where it starts to become quite evident that I often am a double-minded person as described in James chapter 1. Being double-minded means to hold two opposing opinions at the same time. It is very much like trying to drive a care with the front steering wheels aimed radically in two different directions. It not only becomes extremely difficult to drive in a desired direction consistently but it can become downright dangerous or even deadly if one were to try to drive at high speeds under these conditions.

Ed Smith explains this very well in his video teaching series called Theophostic Prayer and the Refining of Belief. This is a three-part presentation on this passage in James about trials and is one of the best that I have ever heard. We watched the first part again yesterday with another person after church which reminded me of these things in relation to the verses I am now looking at. I find it very relevant to put these two important truths together to expose some of the areas where I am still stymied in my desires to live more in peace and harmony with God under highly stressful situations.

I recently found myself confronted with a situation that caused me intense fear and continues to pressure me with fear each day. Once again I had to start reminding myself to focus on God and His attributes as a way of dealing with the debilitating effects of that intense fear in my life. But it also highlighted the fact that I still have not dealt with the much deeper hidden roots that allow this fear to so easily ignite again and again. I cannot blame the current triggers for this fear as the real cause of my lack of peace if I really want to live free. I must have God take me to the original sources of these fears and receive the needed healing required by receiving His truth if I want to successfully face these kinds of situations in the future without being taken down by them so easily.

This is part of what has brought this issue of hiding in sleep to my attention at this time. I have noticed this pattern in my life for a number of years now and have wondered about it in various ways. I have even observed at times that under certain situations of very uncomfortable confrontation I am tempted to suddenly become very sleepy. This also happens sometimes when I come under conviction I would rather avoid. I think that this is not at all unlike how the disciples must have felt when Jesus asked them to pray with Him for one hour in the Garden of Gethsemane. It says that their eyes were very heavy with sleep.

I don't think this heaviness was just due to the fact that it was nighttime and thus was bedtime for them. I believer firmly that this was clearly a situation where sleep was a convenient escape for them from the intense emotional and spiritual pressure they were under and because they did not resist it firmly in favor of seeking God and remembering the words of Jesus, it overtook them and robbed them of the very preparation needed for what happened immediately following. In essence, they were loving darkness rather than light. They loved sleep more than they loved Jesus and the result was that they did not have the perspective or the courage to remain loyal to Jesus when things really began popping around them with fear.

Again, I am not implying in the slightest that we should rob ourselves of needed rest and sleep when sleep is appropriate and needed. But because sleep seems so innocuous and innocent it can easily become a Trojan Horse of sorts in our lives when used as a means of escape when we should be turning to God for true perspective and needed joy strength. Just as at certain times drugs may have a legitimate purpose for restoration of health in our lives but are often abused to give us pleasure or escape, so too can sleep be used in a similar way. These are all part of the same pattern described in these verses as ways to gravitate toward darkness instead of moving uncomfortably toward the light that will expose us.

But it is only in choosing to move closer to the Light no matter how uncomfortable it initially feels that we will discover that the Light is the only place where we can find real satisfaction, peace and security. Only the light of heaven can give us the kind of life and hope and resolution to the pain that we are trying so desperately to hide from in sleep, in addictions or in any other kind of avoidance behaviors.

...those who perish... did not receive the love of the truth so as to be saved. (2 Thessalonians 2:10)

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. (John 3:21 NIV)

In Him

For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (John 3:17-18)

He who believes – in Him is not judged.

He who does not believe – has been judged already.

...not believed in the name, the character, the real truth about God as demonstrated in Jesus.

This is part of the beginning of the unveiling of the “in Christ” concept that is further greatly expanded upon in the New Testament, especially by Paul.

What I see a little bit here is that if I am in Christ, whatever that really means, then I am not judged, whatever that really means. And I suspect that the more I really know what both of these things really mean the more profound and exciting this is going to be for me.

What is also interesting here is the tense of the judgment on those who do not believe. It says that they are judged already, not sometime in the future as we usually assume. Therefore, that should indicate some things very important and relevant about the true nature of whatever this judgment is talking about here. Somehow, the very act of not believing apparently induces this kind of judgment inherently.

It is clear here that these two options are being presented as complete opposites and contrasted with each other.

Believe = no judgment.

Refuse to believe = present (induced?) judgment.

Likewise it also seems to stand that these two are closely linked with living life “in Christ” or living life outside of Him. Therefore the following would also seem to be true.

In Christ = no judgment.

Not in Christ = living under judgment in the present.

I am curious about this phrase, has been judged already. What I really want to know is what kind of judgment this is as well as who is doing it. And I am not ready to jump to the conclusion that this is some kind of condemnation imposed on us by God if we don't believe. That would directly contradict verse 17 so I must rule that out from the get go.

It seems that there is a built-in answer to this question by the nature of what immediately follows. It says that this being judged already is caused by not believing in the name of the Son of God. Therefore, whatever this believing in the name means is extremely important to understand if I am to avoid coming under current judgment. This believing in the name of Jesus is here directly linked to living under judgment or not living in judgment.

I am not at all satisfied with the typical religious assertions about what it really means to believe in Jesus. Most of what I have heard along these lines is far less that truly spiritual in nature and some borders on something more along the line of magic. To simply ascribe to some set of predetermined beliefs written out by other religious people in my view is not at all what these verses are talking about. And just confessing with our mouths that Jesus is the Son of God, despite texts produced to justify that practice is likewise not sufficient in my opinion for one to enter into a real saving relationship with Him. There is something being described here that goes far deeper into the heart and soul of a person than simply the shallow versions of belief that are commonly used among many Christians today.

The very next verse tackles a closer definition of this judgment and discusses such things as light and darkness as well as hate and fear. These also give me strong clues as to what is meant by this kind of belief as well as what it means to live “in Christ.”

It says that judgment happens when we love darkness instead of light. So it must mean that living in darkness, which is really lies about God, induces judgment inside of us. This judgment I believe is better translated condemnation which some other version prefer. Because these two words are used interchangeably so often they produce a bit of confusion when thinking about them. Personally I believe that in this context the word condemnation is much more accurate to describe what a person feels when they resist light rather than the word judgment.

Condemnation is something that happens inside of us, not something put onto us by God. That would explain why it happens when one loves darkness and hates light. By resisting belief in truths about what God is really like and clinging to our own opinions instead that are based in dark ideas about God, the natural consequences of this choice always result in inner dissonance which is condemnation.

This condemnation also involves the fears that are always present whenever our lives are out of harmony with the approaching light of truth about both God and ourselves. If instead of admitting our fears and asking God to deal with them, we try to avoid the light that is exposing us, then we are being controlled by our fears instead of by a love and desire to grow into the truth.

Most of this activity is taking place at the heart level more than at the head level. But it is often true that those who hate the light may actually be very religious folk who think that they are in fact embracing light. The problem is that they insist that light is defined by intellectual truth rather than heart truth. But everyone who resists having their hearts exposed and their true motives revealed by the revelations of God's beauty and true character are actually hating the light while professing to love it.

This class of people may possibly be the most deceived people on the whole earth. They are certain that they have the truth because they can prove it unequivocally with the Bible. They can point to their lives, their behavior and their track record and say that they are obeying God's commandments and keeping His ordinances as instructed. They will even insist to God Himself that they have done everything asked of them on the final day of judgment while oblivious to the fact that they have completely failed to connect with God at the most important level of all – their heart. To their utter amazement and horror they will realize that instead of promoting and endorsing the real light of God's love they have been believing in a partial light that was not fueled by the passion that burns in the heart of the God they claim to serve.

I have spent most of my life living as one of those people so I am keen to understand more clearly what God really wants of me when it comes to loving the light. I want my own heart to be much more connected with the heart of God so I am not found to be living under condemnation instead of in the light. I want God to open my mind, my heart and my spirit to see the many deceptions that still keep my own soul in darkness and cause me to resist the light. I pray for a genuine spirit of love for the true light so that I will come to the light and live in the light continually. I want to live in Christ for real.

What and How to Believe

He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (John 3:18)

"She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins." (Matthew 1:21)

For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. (John 3:17)

Part of the fog in my mind I have struggled against for years involves the words and symbols used in religion and the Bible. I can distinctly remember my repeated frustration with comments insisting on things like our need to “give our hearts to Jesus”, being “washed in the blood” and other such terms. In these verses is yet another one that constantly eluded explanation in ways that made sense and clarity – “believing in the name of Jesus.”

Now, the last thing I am interested in is settling for typical platitudes in response to these kinds of questions. I have resented those platitudes all of my life and continue to do so, maybe too much. But it is the very use of so many platitudes and clichés that has kept me quite literally in spiritual darkness and it has been the persistent challenging of those things that has resulted in much of my awakening over the past few years. I am unwilling to simply be satisfied with stringing together nice-sounding phrases and going through religious-looking motions repeatedly without any real life-changing significance. If religion is not transforming one into the beauty and maturity of genuine God-likeness in its true nature, then it must be a counterfeit and a useless religion as far as heaven is concerned.

Again, that is one of the reasons I am spending so much time trying to really understand particularly this chapter of the Bible. Somehow I sense that if I could decode some of the real meanings of these verses through the revelations shared by the Spirit who inspired them in the first place, then my heart can become more alive and my perceptions will be empowered to much more clearly see many other revelations of God throughout the rest of Scriptures. I need heart understanding as much or more than just head knowledge.

This chapter along with the whole book of John is full of references to the need for believing. It is also chock full of narration about the need for love in the heart in order to truly connect with God effectively. Both of these terms have been shrouded in darkness for me most of my life when I look inside with brutal honesty. I really want to know what it means to believe. I really want to be filled with the kind of love inside of me that I am just beginning to perceive exists in the heart of God. But transferring much of my increasing understanding of these things into actual heart beliefs and experience is a whole different project, at least it seems so at times.

This is where the cliché effect has frustrated me for so long. People say things like, we love God because He first loved us. You have to love God to go to heaven. You must believe to be saved, etc. Now, while all of these things may be technically true, just throwing the words around doesn't make them happen in my heart. That reminds me of another typical platitude answer – faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. It seems that the answers always tended to lead back to an intellectual knowledge of the Bible as the basis for any relationship I might have with God in order to be saved. While I have been pursuing faith and love all of my life I have sensed that much of the time my efforts have been at least somewhat misdirected.

The last couple days have seen an atmosphere of fear trying to press itself over me. I find myself fighting consciously and repeatedly intense internal pressure to give in to depression and a sense of foreboding. I have to repeatedly remind myself to focus on the truth about God, to talk with God honestly and openly about my feelings and to force my mind and imagination to turn away from the frightening scenarios playing tapes in my head and instead focus my imagination on the real truth about God that I have been learning for a number of years now.

As I have been doing so I am forced to see that although many of the things I have been learning with my head are all wonderful, true and desperately needed by me, my heart's readiness to absorb and really believe many of these things is all too often lagging far behind. I even find frustration within myself at my inability to effectively convey to others how to deeply connect with God when they ask me repeatedly how one goes about doing this. I wonder if maybe I am on the verge of breaking through to a much deeper level of conversion than I have ever experienced before.

I have been praying for several days for God to really convert me much more deeply. I have given Him unlimited permission to do whatever it takes to transform me into the person that He designed me to be in Christ. That sometimes has resulted in very frightening events in my life that make me feel extremely vulnerable and out of control. But that should not be surprising in the least. Nevertheless they can be terribly upsetting and fear-inducing at times. This time I seem to be having similar feelings.

So I keep coming back to this passage day after day and seeking to perceive true reality within the context of the Word of God and the personal tutoring of the Holy Spirit. I pray that the Light talked about here will in fact begin to penetrate the very real darkness that presses over my own heart and mind and will create new life, hope, joy and peace within my soul. I am not satisfied with being religious, I want to live in vital heart connection with my Savior and God. I want to become a channel of life to others around me, not a source of confusion or discouragement.

One thing I have concluded over the years is that believing in the name of Jesus has very little to do with just the label we give to a person as humans use a “name.” But that thinking always seems to try to insinuate itself back into the perception no matter how many times it is exposed. I was taught many years ago that the name has to do with character, so believing in a name really means believing the truth about what a person is really like on the inside. This makes much more sense to me but again is more difficult to believe with my heart than with my head.

As I looked at these verses this morning I noticed that the context may offer definition to what is meant by believing or not believing in the name of the Son of God. It looks to me like it is referring directly back to what was just said about both the Father and the Son in verses 16 and 17. It is the motives and desires of God towards us that is being revealed here and that seems to be embedded in the very idea of the name. It is full of the idea of God wanting to save us along with the Son desiring the very same thing. It is also the truth that the Godhead is not interested in using condemnation to attract us to their love for us but wants to reveal the real truth about God to our hearts in any way possible to attract us to turn away from the lies about them that have kept us in darkness and fear for so long.

This pressure toward making a decision about what I am going to believe at the deepest level about what God is like and how He relates to me will inevitably cause what is called judgment. Judgment is not something forced on us by God but is something that inevitably happens whenever light comes into a dark place. The hidden things can hide no longer and people are forced by circumstances to make some kind of choice for one direction or the other. They will either confess and agree with the reality and truthfulness of the real nature of beliefs inside of them, the things they have felt about God that are inaccurate and create resistance against Him, or they will try to hide even further from the Light, deny its truthfulness or do anything to avoid coming into agreement with the convictions of the Spirit that always accompanies that Light.

The real truths about God focused on here is that God and Jesus want to save us from our sins – not in our sin. But it is also the truth that God is not the one trying to make us feel condemned – that is just a side-effect produced by our own resistance to Him.

Another truth that I see here is the exposure of the real object of our love, what our hearts want to fixate on and where we look to receive life for ourselves. Sin has caused us to look to all kinds of sources and people to make ourselves feel more alive or to feel good within ourselves. But when the true Light comes it exposes the reality that all of these things are in fact false gods that we look to for life instead of trusting fully our own true Creator.

When I find myself trying to justify my feelings and desires to get life from some other source than from God, the Light exposing that will always produce fear in my heart because my justification is really resistance. Fear is always the result of sin/lies in my heart and will prevent me from experiencing the true love that comes only from God. The greater the presence of fear in my heart the more obvious is the fact that I am resisting Light in some way or another. It is often not clear to me just how I am resisting the Light, but I am trying to train myself to notice these symptoms and choose responses to them that will allow God to more effectively expose the lies embedded inside of me. Then I can allow the Spirit of God to address, identify and replace those lies with truths that I have not believed before, at least at the heart level.

My head may be full of all sorts of wonderful truths that I have been learning for years. But I am sensing more intently my need to somehow have my heart get on board and believe at a much deeper level the truths about God and about myself that I have been learning intellectually. It is not that learning these things with my head is at all wrong or bad. But the way the heart learns is radically different than the way the head learns. That involves having it mentored by someone with a more mature heart that can use the methods of communication that the heart uses in order to absorb what it needs to grow up into Christ and into truth.

The discrepancies begin to show up when my head says that I believe that God wants to save me and not condemn me but my feelings scream just the opposite as I find myself in terrifying circumstances. That is when a trial or situation becomes a means of shining light onto the lies in my heart that are not in agreement with the truths in my head. The resulting disagreement and tension created by this huge discrepancy is called guilt or condemnation and can produce incredible amounts of fear as a result.

Since perfect love casts out fear, it becomes obvious that I need a great deal more love in my heart along with real truth that so far has gotten more to the left side of my brain than the right. It is much easier to say this than to experience it, but I am aware that this is what needs to happen. It almost always involves a level of discomfort that is never very welcome but that is natural when one is forced to move from one perception of reality to a completely different one. That is the process of sanctification as some people refer to it.

Father, I feel very uneasy lately and sometimes downright terrified. I know many things about You with my head but I have to trust You to somehow plant those truths much deeper into my heart and soul if they are to really make a transforming difference in my life. I trust myself into Your hands and I trust Your heart. I remind myself of the words You spoke to me through Psalm 37. Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. (verse 3 margin) I choose to feed on Your faithfulness and trust You to finish the work You are doing in me.