Roots of Bitterness - 2

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled. (Hebrews 12:15)

I feel compelled to spend some time in Hebrews unpacking this issue of bitterness before I continue in Romans. It is coming more into focus in my heart and I feel that I need to deal with it instead of stubbornly trying to keep on course in the passages where I have been studying for the past few months. I do want to return and finish the book of Romans without leaving it dangling, but right now I need to address this personal problem while I am under conviction.

I'm not sure the best way to go about this but I trust the Holy Spirit to guide me as He is the one who is bringing it to my attention anyway, Right now I think I will start at Hebrews 11:39 and work my way forward for it looks to me like nearly every verse contains important ingredients for understanding and clues to awaken the deeper issues buried out of sight in my heart and memories that need to be exposed and dealt with. I don't want this to be just an intellectual exercise, but that approach may be useful as a starter to allow my heart exposure to convictions as I expose my mind and heart to the Word.

This is coming right off the famous chapter ticking off a number of examples of faith from throughout history. Immediately on the heels of this expose´ of what faith can look like I read this:

And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:39-40)

I feel like following a format something like this as I work through the following verses – I want to look for two things: what might be a potential for making a person bitter and what does this passage present as a healing solution for bitterness. I am dealing with something that is primarily at the heart level which may make it very difficult to translate with my head at times, but I feel the need to do it anyway. In the process I want to remain very respectful of listening to my feelings and emotions and not allowing my expositions to get in the way whenever I need time for uninterrupted heart processing. This is new to me somewhat and I trust God to guide me through this exploration and healing journey.

As I read these two verses what is described here would seem to me like a potential source of bitterness if I were one of these “heroes” of faith just described in verses 36-38 who did not receive what was promised. I know the typical intellectual response to this as the “right” answer theologically, but the heart has little use for those sorts of pat answers. To put it in a succinct way, I would feel very cheated if these words described my life. The following ideas come to mind from my heart: cheated, lied to, confused, disappointed.... Why would God set things up this way? What does this mean, God had provided something better for us...? Something seems terribly unfair about that – they don't receive what was promised because people down the road are provided something better? My own heart says that if I was one of these mistreated, faithful people and found out about this arrangement that it might be a very big potential for feeling bitter.

How much does that resonate in my own heart? Well, right now it is feeling like about a 4 or 5 on a scale of 1-10. Let me go on.

...so that apart from us they would not be made perfect. That really riles my sense of independence and fairness too. I know that I have been learning a lot about the importance of community, accountability etc. but I have not been learning very much of it experientially. I am still quite independent in my own spirit and rather private in my spiritual and emotional life. I am quite selective as to who I will allow very far into my heart (nearly no one that I can think of actually) because I have felt deeply hurt or betrayed from the times I have attempted it in the past.

Again, I am not following religiously correct answers here but simply recognizing the first emotions that surface from the heart for the sake of honesty. In fact, to protect the vulnerability that my heart is feeling right now I am seriously considering not making this public until my heart gives me permission. And that would likely be after it has received some healing and resolution and relief from this problem. Of course, knowing myself I am just as likely to have a sudden urge to put it all out there prematurely in some sort of emotional attempt to make a breakthrough of some sort. Maybe my heart doesn't understand the way things work in the real world because that is the sort of thing that often gets me into the most pain.

I feel like I am lurching very clumsily in my attempts to discover the true reality of life instead of the counterfeit reality that I have always lived under in society. My fear of pain is often the element that grabs the steering wheel and lurches me off the road into the ditch every time I see an oncoming truck threatening to crash into me. Right now I feel like I am once again timidly trying to pick up speed once again and make some forward progress in things of the heart. How do I move forward from here? How do I get further down the road without having another big smash-up? The parable from which this illustration comes was written by Morris Vendon many years ago but seems extremely relevant right now. Maybe I should go back and review it.

Do I sense the presence of bitterness here yet? I believe so. But I am reminded that exposing the bitterness itself, as helpful as that is, is not the solution in itself but is simply a means of getting on the path in the right direction. Bitterness is the symptom that is produced by roots somewhere much deeper and almost always out of sight. If I want the bitterness to leave my life and my spirit I cannot stay focused exclusively on the bitterness but must have Jesus take me deeper to the source and root which continues to produce it. I'm not sure how or when that will take place, but I hope that this process of examination and attempted openness will help initiate it. If God is not intimately involved in this process of exploration and examination I will possibly be even more inoculated against an effective cure and it will take even more painful cutting and prying to get to the root and source of my problems.

This may all seem like I am getting side-tracked, but I don't think so. The heart does not know how to express itself in tidy, succinct phrases condensed into few words and I am trying to allow my heart to be expressed here. That may likely look messy in the writing but hopefully it will lead to more thorough healing when it comes.

The last phrase from this text is telling me that for anyone to reach the place described as being perfect, which really also means being mature, they will only get there in bonded relationships with others, never alone. Somehow, God has arranged things in such a way that even those who are not now alive are to be part of this bonded relationship, whatever that means. Right now I suppose, we can feel connected to those we read about in the Bible through identification with their feelings, mistakes, hopes, dreams and failures. We can certainly learn a great deal from their lives and greatly improve our own abilities to make better choices so as to avoid the painful consequences that they experienced many times. By their example we can become mature quicker because we have more to build on and benefit from than they had.

The exciting thing about this arrangement is that when we all get together in the future when everyone is alive at the same time, we will be able to personally meet these very same people that we have already partially bonded to with our hearts and the bonds will become mutual and intensely strong and deep. That interlacing of hearts in mutual compassion, love, shared pain and healing will become the impregnable fabric that will at last be the security blanket preventing sin from ever arising again throughout eternity. That is why God has set things up the way I see described in these two verses. He is building in the insurance needed, the permanent inoculation to prevent another outbreak of this terrible disease of sin from ever recurring again.

Next time I will move into the next verse to see more sources of bitterness and more medicine for healing. I can already see there is plenty to think about there. ...the sin which doth so easily beset us.

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Roots of Bitterness - 1

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled. (Hebrews 12:15)

I have been coming to realize more clearly over the past few years that one of the deepest entrenched strongholds in my heart is bitterness. I got to thinking recently about this text and it suddenly occurred to me that the bitterness itself is not so much the real issue as is the root that causes the bitterness. This is seen quite clearly when participating in the Theophostic ministry experience. In that model the symptoms in our life that attract so much attention from many religious people zealous to clean up their lives and the lives of those around them are pretty much ignored except as a means to lead one back to the root that is causing that symptom. And when one finally arrives at the root after giving Jesus permission to take them there, it is always found to be a lie deeply embedded in a memory that has distorted their perception of themselves or God and creates a trigger point that can be tripped by others thereby causing the predictable symptoms to display.

These lie-based beliefs are always heart-rooted lies found in the right brain, not intellectual lies that are much more easily uprooted. It is lies in the heart that are untouchable by the intellect that cause most of our problems to be so elusive to resolution. The spirit of bitterness is a particularly pernicious element that is very poisonous not only to the person holding onto it but to everyone that is touched by their spirit. That is the experience that I vaguely realize is a description of my life.

But like all other symptoms, bitterness cannot just be commanded away or successfully suppressed by an act of the intellectual will. Bitterness is so subtle but pervasive it can act like a quiet fog that seeps into every corner of the mind and life imperceptibly. It is often not evident as being that spirit because it can be mixed into other motives and feelings like small amounts of a deadly poison mixed with healthy juice or Kool-aid. But the insidious effects are all the more dangerous because of its unnoticability. I have seen this sometimes in my own life. I am often baffled as to why new friends seem to soon turn rather cool toward me. I suspect that part of the reason is the effects of the bitterness in my spirit that creates other issues that tend to repel people who at first may be attracted to some of the more positive characteristics that God is cultivating in me.

But for me to focus on attempts to eliminate bitterness from my heart or from my external expressions will be frustrating and produce very little lasting results. I believe that bitterness may simply be an outworking of something legitimate trying to be expressed from my heart that has been perverted and tragically distorted through the lens of a lie on its pathway outward. It is like a beam of clear light shining from the heart Jesus gave me that passes through a broken or warped piece of glass and the image projected on the outside or through my spirit becomes one that is more reflective of Satan's spirit than of God's Spirit. But trying to manipulate the image back into something that looks better is to attempt what God never intended for us to do. It might have worked for the Hubble telescope, but it does not work effectively in the lives of our spirits. This verse does not tell us to eliminate bitterness by focusing on that symptom itself but to deal with the root so that the bitterness will not have its inevitable poisonous effects.

So how do I find the root of bitterness in my life? As I perused quickly through this whole chapter I saw quite a number of clues as to different things that would create a spirit of bitterness. There is a wealth of information in this chapter that I need to explore and allow God to heal inside of me so that this poisonous fruit will no longer grow in my life.

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Measure of Faith

For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)

This verse is an instruction to shift the focus or the standard of measurement away from what we are accustomed to using for our lives and base it on a whole new paradigm. Instead of measuring “success” by how much we can achieve or by external results, Paul is saying that in the life where the minds are renewed and the lives are being transformed that the true standard of quality is found internally. Furthermore, the measurement is to be done by the person themselves, not judging others around them.

The world's system uses comparisons between people to establish credibility and honor. It is the system of artificial value and external emphasis. It is based on the false trinity of gradation through the lenses of Economics, Kingship and arbitrary Law (what we term civilization). In the body of Christ that Paul is unveiling here there is to be no contamination by the principles used in the world. No one is to think of himself as better or more valuable than anyone else but neither are they to think of themselves as less either. Under the system of God's “kingdom” they are learning to live based on a healthy family model, not the artificial differentiations of the world.

In the world the motivation for life is a desire for control and domination over others. Power is the object of pursuit in the desperate struggle to feel valued and satisfied. But in God's family this is not to be found in the heart or in relationships. Every single person has been given by God a measure of faith to start with and their life and the exercise of their gifts is to be measured by their faithfulness in keeping within that context. Just a little farther on in Romans Paul states a very important principle: whatever is not from faith is sin. (Romans 14:23)

Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: ...according to the proportion of his faith. (Romans 12:6)

In the following verses that outline various gifts that God empowers the members of the body to carry out in loving service for the rest of the body, each one is to be seen in this context as the measurement of authenticity. In the body of Christ, the family of God, we are not to use the world's system of external measurements to determine our usefulness or value but we are to live within our means of faith.

I find it very relevant that if I try to exercise whatever gifts I have independent of or beyond the faith I have received then I have moved beyond authenticity and am now into the area of sin. I am all too aware of many times when I have done just that. Whenever I am writing things that I am learning from the Spirit or sharing things in conversation with others, there are times when I suddenly sense that I am moving beyond the reach of my “proportion of faith” that is in my heart and then my head is confidently lurching to take the lead without listening to the reservations of my heart or paying attention to the quiet voice of the Spirit warning me to cease and desist. Whenever I allow that to progress I always end up regretting that decision and realize that I have once again caused damage to part of the Body.

It seems to me as I meditate on these verses that they are reinforcing the principle that I have been learning that is so important and vital in living the Christian life, the principle of living from the heart that Jesus gave me instead of by my own smarts and abilities.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

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He Did Not Open His Mouth

He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth.

(Isaiah 53:7)

As I opened my Bible to listen to whatever God wanted to share with me this morning I decided to read the chapter in Isaiah where I had some papers stuck into the Bible that needed arrangement. I decided to meditate and allow my heart to absorb whatever the Spirit had for me and to allow time for my own spirit to harmonize with the Spirit of heaven.

When I came to the above verse I noticed that it mentioned twice about Jesus not opening His mouth. This was clearly in reference to the intense time when He was undergoing the most shameful attacks on His body and spirit that could be invented by humans and demons. I used to think that Jesus simply kept His mouth shut and assumed that He did so to keep any potential anger or resentment stuffed inside so He could finish His perfect sacrifice for our redemption.

But with my new views of God that are taking shape in my mind I see that this kind of thinking is clearly faulty. There were possibly many good reasons why Jesus did not open His mouth under abuse but I don't think that it was because He was gritting His teeth and suppressing desires of anger and resentment in reaction to the treatment that He was receiving. That could easily describe the reaction that we might have in our distorted ideas of righteousness, but Jesus had very different motives and was dealing with a view of reality dramatically different than most of us ever perceive.

But another text came to my mind that I find interesting in this context. I do not know all the implications that it has in this setting, but I do see how the two texts can easily compliment each other when we find ourselves suffering under accusation, provocations or abuse.

But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. (Matthew 15:18)

I am wondering if there is not a principle that is not real clear to me yet that is being described in these two passages. Could it be that there are times when it is crucially important to keep the mouth shut in spite of an intense desire to speak truth or establish justice when there clearly is none? I know this sounds like a rhetorical question but that is not my intention here. I am searching my mind and heart and trying to hear what may be something new that I need to be more aware of that I need in my own experience. (I know – there are plenty of people eager to tell me I need to keep my mouth shut more often) And I wonder how this relates to the advice in Proverbs? A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

What I am wondering is, was it possible that if Jesus had spoken anything under those circumstances that it would have proven to be a defilement to His spirit? In those particular kinds of circumstances where all matter of defilement was being heaped on Him, or us, is there a law of the mind that we must stay in harmony with that requires total silence – for the right reasons – to maintain a right spirit? And one of the descriptions of a right spirit is called “a meek and quiet spirit”.

Clearly Jesus was not defiled by all the abuse heaped upon Him as was the intention of all the evil forces arrayed against Him. His body was certainly defiled and He did allow all the consequences of the defilement of the whole world to rest on His soul until it crushed out His life, but His spirit did not become defiled in such a way as to cause Him to relinquish the slightest amount of confiding (more like clinging) trust in His Father in heaven.

As I think back over times when I have chosen to keep silent, usually in response to urgent promptings by the Spirit of God, I have noticed that I have avoided a lot more trouble than what I was already receiving and I was often able to eventually see that what was really going on was very different than my first very strong assumptions. In fact, I am coming to believe more and more strongly that one of the most important things I need to learn in my Christian growth is to listen more carefully and consistently to the very quiet voice inside of me from the Spirit of God, particularly when I feel the strongest urges to react to what I perceive as an attack or threat on my value. And usually that prompting from the Spirit includes the request for me to remain silent and allow God to change my perspective of reality in that moment.

I find another very interesting clue in this passage that I believe adds an important ingredient to this mix. In verse 9 it says, Nor was there any deceit in His mouth. That reminds me of a verse in Revelation of the people of God in the last days who have a similar description.

These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These have been purchased from among men as first fruits to God and to the Lamb. And no lie was found in their mouth; they are blameless. (Revelation 14:4-5)

I sense that whatever shape this principle has, it involves the liability for me to become defiled with deception in my spirit and heart whenever I indulge in the temptation to blurt when I hurt. I am all too aware of my penchant for blame and counterattack and resistance when I feel threatened. And in those moments if I can just obey the quiet voice inside of me pleading with me to keep still and focus on what God has to reveal to me instead of opening my mouth, I find that the direction of my inner life in particular always takes a turn for something very important and valuable to emerge from the situation.

I am sure there is much more that could be explored here, but this is what I see so far.

Proving God's Will

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

(Romans 12:2)

I am under conviction this morning. After reading a devotional that told the story of someone attempting to give advice and comfort far beyond their own ability and the resulting pain they caused by that attempt, I sense that far too often I have written or spoken words that are not much better than that of Job's friends. I hope they are not that bad, but it is all too easy to let the left brain run on in its intellectual preponderances that feel so right at the time while not staying tuned to the right brain's level of awareness or listening to the gentle, quiet promptings or warnings of the Holy Spirit.

When I opened my Bible this morning and reread this verse those two words jumped out at me – so that...! Immediately I felt the conviction deepen that had been lurking in the background and I acknowledged it. I don't know exactly how to deal with it, especially relating to what has already happened. All I know to do right now is to say that if any of you reading this have felt the sting of my bluntness and insensitivity in anything I have said or written, please accept my deepest apologies. Yes, I am still growing and learning, but that does not nullify or excuse any pain that I have already caused. I simply have to take ownership of my problems as they are revealed to me and ask for more grace and sensitivity to better reflect the kind, gentle ways of my God.

What I see here is a clear warning to anyone who attempts to expostulate on what the will of God is without first having their own heart transformed and their own mind renewed with the true Spirit of gentleness. My mind takes me back to a Psalm that tells me something very important about my God. I looked it up and bring it to you here.

As for God, His way is blameless; The word of the LORD is tried;

He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.

For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God,

The God who girds me with strength And makes my way blameless?

He makes my feet like hinds' feet, And sets me upon my high places.

He trains my hands for battle, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,

And Your right hand upholds me;

And Your gentleness makes me great.

(Psalms 18:30-35)

The word prove brings to my mind what I have been on the receiving end all too often from well-intentioned people who felt it their duty to impose their spin on spirituality and their strong opinions about doctrine onto me. It often took the form of carefully selected texts arranged in a certain order to produce the desired proof for some predetermined belief that they wanted me to adopt. Sometimes it was even required to have the texts taken only from the KJV so that the words would support their assumptions that could not be so easily proven from other, possibly more accurate versions. There is a whole sub-culture that has grown up around this practice that has become almost militant in defense of proving that only the KJV is accurate and all other translations are somehow satanically infected.

That kind of spirit itself is all too satanically infected in my opinion. In fact, the spirit of trying to prove something to start with is often very suspect unless under the strong influence of the gentle, Holy Spirit firmly in place in the heart of the proponent. And that is what I am seeing in this verse and the message for my own heart and mind today.

If I want to get into the business of proving what is good, what is acceptable to God, what perfection means and what the real will of God is, I am guaranteed to be likely off-balance and a threat to the hearts of others if I have not first made very certain that my own heart is alive, awake and sensitive in submission to the sweet influence of the still, small voice of God's Spirit. I am convicted that this is the needed experience of everyone who truly has a renewed mind and is experiencing the process of transformation as a result of that renewal.

Then he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel saying, 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the LORD of hosts. (Zechariah 4:6)

Does that mean that this person – that I – will never again be out of balance and not cause any more damage to other hearts? I wish I could believe that were true, and I believe it could be possible if I were to always listen and stay in submission to that quiet voice. But realistically I suspect there is a great deal more growing to do in the area of submission and a lot more renewing and transformation that needs to take place before I am safe and free of potential danger to those around me.

I am comforted by the verse that comes to my mind from Romans 5:20. The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more. The Law (when it is talking about God-type Law) is simply the description of reality, the principles which operate that I need to be in harmony with to thrive and be life-giving. When I am out of sync with how I was created to function I cause damage and pain and bring some form of death into people's lives and hearts. The good news is that I do not have to stay in this dysfunction because where sin abounds, God's grace to transform my life abounds all the more. I just need to receive more of that grace and allow it to slow through my writing, my words and even my appearance.

Lord, teach me and help me to know how to present my body as a living sacrifice to You today, holy and acceptable as my act of worship to You. Open my understanding to see how much I conform to the ways and thinking and attitudes of this world. Renew my mind in Your ways of thinking and relating and responding. Continue Your work of transformation in my heart especially and bring my mind and heart into proper balance today under the sweet influence of Your Spirit so that I may reveal more clearly what Your will is. I want my life to be a clear channel of communication for You to use to reveal Your attractiveness to the world, not my distorted opinions about religion. Thank-you for Your grace and I claim it in the authority of Jesus Who empowers me with Your Spirit. Reveal Your face in and through me today.

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